knock knock

for thirty five years
shave and a hair cut two bits
my father and i

shaving on one side
sensodyne on the other
knocking through the wall

singing in haiku
“i saw those harbour lights
knocking at my door”

paying him to sing
his birthday seventeenth
my birthday also

cherished brother three
they paid my father twenty
two dollars to sing

his favorite joke
two dollars to sing and
twenty to be quiet

yehudi was in
our “icebox” turning off light
refrigerator

you would have to guess
who’s on tv during dinner
“He’s on tonight”

tom jones glen campbell
kojak mannix columbo
barnaby jones

standing in doorway
on the way to dinner
dancing macarena

my mother’s cooking
makes you so happy you dance
before and after

even without salt
after his heart attack
i was ten years old

oven fried chicken
never having anything fried
still delicious

salt isn’t necessary
unless you have a
salt deficiency

and you can even
though it’s quite unheard of
these united states

my ocean eleven

“this is dr.
frasier crane reminding everyone
life is too short”

Frasier
`

“don’t know why i’m
always getting my britches caught
in my own pitch fork”

Andy Griffith
`

“if this mime turns me
gay i am going to start
bringing gay guys home”

Peter to Lois / Family Guy
`

“if you’re planning on
showing up with your cold feetS
tonight forget it”

Green Acres
`

“your little girl seems
to be getting the better
of my little boy”

Family Affair
`

“Raising Hope was not
filmed in front of a live
studio audience”

Raising Hope
`

“he needs to eat
ten thousand calories a day
maintain muscle mass”

Brooklyn 9-9
`

“how come you can’t talk
about me behind my back
like other mothers”

Darlene on Roseanne
`

“i’ve never seen
a cowboy pulling a wagon
full of sandwiches”

Andy Griffith
`

“you know that’s amazing
how you would know that
off the top of your head”

Castle
`

“my father brought my
mother here on their first date
changed names couple times”

Person Of Interest
`

sheep part I

some people count sheep
counting coincidences
it’s like noah’s ark

wed chiropractor
supervisor ATF
was second boyfriend

then jewish reporter
USA Today
another exact same

ATF first job
used to be an ambulance
in NY City

he said people step
over someone having heart attack
on sidewalk

now works for police
at one federal plaza
during 911

lone chiropractor
can say he was husband
so that doesn’t count

~

i followed you

hi i’m a narcissist
don’t like anything you wrote
just come read me

i never intend
to like or to even read
anything you write

(some may have other
reasons they may not know the way
to read your blog)

follow me a year
read everything i write
i never learned manners

it’s too bad no one
who i am talking about
will ever read this

i actually get
very angry and i say
go jump in the lake

when they follow me
i say go jump in the lake
almost every day

sometimes i just think
oh great another pyramid
sociopath

they are just so sweet
dying to make you money
their mission in life

when in fact they are
scheming to take your money
so they can be rich

“make money blogging”
run away when you see this
“empower”, “simple”

they wear sunglasses
sometimes husband and wife pic
woman and baby

just an avatar
nothing to the right of pic
together good clues

it’s raining men haiku television ten

“is it too much
to hope that you and i might
cross paths again someday”

The Closer
`
“with another mouth
to feed he’s got to keep his
ear to opossum hole”

Charlene / Andy Griffith
`

“he had a loan company
but he missed a payment
they took it back”

George & Gracie
`

“why in G-d’s name
would i need to dream about
another woman”

Modern Family
`

“sometimes i sit at
mr. j’s desk with no pants on
little victory”

The Middle

`

“when i got married
i didn’t get a family
got a freak show”

Debra Barone
`

“he dances with bears
and if he dances backwards
he knows he’s a male”

Gracie Allen
`

“how can i trust you
when you don’t trust anyone
you’ve got to trust me”

Person Of Interest
`
“all the books they’ve got
in the library and that’s
the one you picked”

Brick’s father / Love Story / The Middle

“walter there’e a thin
line between love and hate and
you’re erasing it”

Maude
`

“i want peter florrick
all you have to do
testify against him”

The Good Wife

“do you want me to
show you how to do this
so you don’t hurt yourself”

dance / Jake on Brooklyn 9-9

how the day ended

i’m actually going to write about something that happened today, instead of what is already typed, which is silly.

gaboon viper
fifth deadliest in the world
death in fifteen minutes

the only time, i will ever mention that animal. i really don’t like commercials.and this was the news & they want to scare you , because he is running around loose, after shedding his skin. i was watching person of interest. it only took a few minutes, for me to realize, there was no sound on cbs myrtle beach , so i had been watching , a station i never watch, because every ten minutes there’s a commercial for an attorney. six attorneys,in charleston, who i knew & they have been playing the same commercials since 1989.
so mr. s is running around & the anectdote , i mean nearest antidote is 2 hours away, so why doesn’t someone drive it to mt. pleasant, honestly.

but this is how the day began.i found 2 more reasons to add to the page before this:

9:30 am beep beep , the fire alarm

walk into the hall & bliip bliip , it’s raining inside again.and let me tell you fred astaire is not singing.

3:26 two realtors ask if they can come over at 3:30 so i can sign documents, contract…if i had a nickel for every contract i’ve signed since 2007, i would be a millionaire.when they saw the rain, & hear me coughing, they said we’ve got to get you out of here.i know, but it was so nice to hear someone else say that.

And the roof next door is brand new, so no one will ever be singing in the rain.

i already know what will wake me tomorrow.i went to make sure no one sprayed anything at the other condo . have not been outside in 5 months & on the third trip back , a late breaking bulletin says tomorrow they will be spraying pesticide , in every single condo, even though i was told to write a 3 page letter for the board & my realtors typed an addendum or possibly mark geragos & i will be leaving here forever ,if … i really could use that Viper.

i should be sleeping. i should be packing. i should be putting their kitchen back together.should be getting ready for passover, or my birthday ,or something that happens every april 15th, or a hundred other things. i don’t move after april 3rd. it’s a rule ,after the many times ,in 14 years, i made up for a good reason.

but mr. asp was not the end . someone is smoking & unbelieveably the wind is blowing smoke onto the balcony, day 6, 1;30 am ..so you breathe molded plaster or smoke,
unless you have good sense & just go in the bedroom ,where salt water oxygen blows through the window .

is it morning yet

but how do you know
when you don’t get enough sleep
no one asked did they

1 wake up to find that
the water you boiled last night
still warm on the stove

2 fall asleep at four am
but when you wake up
it’s still dark outside

3 the same movie you
were watching when you fell asleep
isn’t over

4 you are watching
george and gracie from three a m
until four a m

5 you eat celery
because calcium is supposed
to help you sleep

6. valerian root
didn’t help in eighties
nor tranquilizer now

why would celery?
jack lalanne said that it did
came with my juicer

five wasted hours
thirty five hours each week
do not do the math

bizzy as a bee

please state your purpose
you have a special purpose?
steve martin the jerk

they are so busy
diagonal zig zag left
hundreds hovering

up down all around
if their pants are falling down
invisible ones

honeysuckle fragrance
keep doing what you do
carrying on task

alphabet U’s
training for the olympics
perhaps jumping rope

think bees want chinese
balcony screen stops their bite
allowing me mine

(how not to get stung
no running no bare feet shade
they like drinking coke )