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haiku by the sea , humor , larry david and other musings....

“the problem is you’re two tents” haiku


pointing to two tents
tent poles of conversation
about the tent poles

” having a dinner
for people who do not clot

so busy thinking
i’m not sure that’s the right word
you miss the haiku

suddenly laughter
one a m in the morning
word pops in your head

remembering what she said

her little brother
romanoff and baltimore
you can call me al

another driver
when they take the tent poles down
always remember

and then dr. katz
“i’m a pup tent i’m a teepee
i’m a pup tent”

so dr. katz said
“your problem is you’re two tents”
but really too tense


sumo mullet haiku



belly flop mullet
from two different directions
at least twelve inches

five at the same time
jumping into each other
right in front of you

thousands of mullet
never seeing fish so close
last week they were small

sumo chasing them
standing in a pool low tide
almost an hour

south to myrtle beach
except they jump from both sides
and a sideways wave

swim from the round pool
teeny mullet jumping high
twenty at a time

riding the wave tip
then they’re flying wallendas
big kahuna wave

when they flop back down
large fish make circular waves
just like a rain drop

eventually girls
oblivious to mullet
float behind the pool

father calls them back
drift toward north carolina
still not seeing fish

they walk back on land
going the wrong way too fast
very good idea


Who wants to go to the Findhorn

slave labor program

dressed up as volunteering

that’s how they get you


come to the Findhorn

nine hour days in the kitchen

three, three hour shifts


tiny breaks between

use you until you are gray

you’re doing their jobs


grandfathers ask girls

go to the special sauna

these men stay for years


if you’re and old man

they’ll give you a tiny room

because you can’t work


they takeĀ  all money

make you so uncomfortable

to cause you to leave


they tell everyone

please don’t fly and use the train

everyone flies there


that is why no one

knows how to get to London

no one will help you


preach community

forty kilos inĀ  luggage

no one helps you leave


no one can tell you

best train route back to London

you’ve asked for six months


no conversations

you are just supposed to work

until you’re burned out


they will interrupt

if you speak to anyone

to hide their secrets


narcissist women

name themselves Swan or Pixie

eating hamster food


you eat it also

the food keeps you very weak

work nine hour days


posh people complain

act like a five star hotel

want boiled eggs right now


you receive no pay

abused for the third trip here

they just use people


you come for lectures

spiritual community

only time for work


they make you share rooms

radiators are boiling

it’s freezing outside


virus from Findhorn

roommate wants window open

you could have died there







Dinner last night haiku


” to be defeated
opening can of tuna
would be terrible

that is why I like
preparing microwave meals
bip bop boom in bin

a few potatoes
a lot of mucking around
why the rich eat out

(And Then Breakfast)

big glossy effects
if you watch with the sound off
not much real substance”
(Blade Runner)

eight A M each day
essential leaf blower noise
isn’t essential

I am just waiting
for you to put sunscreen on
hand you can of beans

got rid of Bird Cage
Nicolas Cage is gone too
Bringing Out The Dead
(Amazon Prime Video Movies)

“they sneak apples in
why would anyone want this
maybe meat lovers”
(Quorn Veggie Sausages)


serendipitous haiku III by my love


“i don’t think i would
walk around at the moment
in my bathing suit

tell me more about
waterproof activities
your ecco trainers

he’s sweeping the court
and making sure everyone
see’s him doing it

they only see the
weakness in the poor, never
see it in themselves

the power of flight
you have an ownership of
space, that we don’t have

it’s not on a cloud
sits on someone’s computer
photos of your life

basically it’s what
they can get away with that’s
how they operate

are you saying i’m
a peddle bin denier
the worst of sins

disdain dynamics
intermutual loathing
who hates who the most

this higher power
handing out sweeties to you
it’s everywhere here

you make every day of my life valentine’s day , not only february


february 2 2017
you were made for me
most wonderful kindest man
the entire world

sweet and wonderful
how you remember things
you don’t make mistakes

you wash the dishes
the kitchen is beautiful
i couldn’t do that

you can feel my pain
and you make it go away
the love of my life

we went to beach cove and you also carried heavy chairs and you spoke in poetry unintentionally, constantly for 10 minutes . one of the nine haiku ,i wrote down before i could forget was

once i made that move
indicating the dog’s lead
i had to take her

you said you would help me go back and read the writing and figure out what i wrote. you help me every day, with everything, and i love you dearly. you are my life. i have never had anyone help me with anything, except my mother and father.

feb 1 2017

we watch the young pope
and go to little river
you ask what i want

i wish i had told you where i wanted to go, when that was the wrong place , b/c they had closed 2 years earlier,but i am happy whatever we do and it was wonderful
lying in your arms ,watching tv and watching you do the funniest dance during the commercials.

feb 3 2017

“i wasn’t doing
a monkey impression , i
was just being me”

“it was a moment of self awareness that unnerved me”

“acting like ancestors”

you always seem to love,whatever i cook.i wish it was as good as you say, b/c you deserve the best food every day of your life, after what you have been through.you don’t want me to criticize it and you said the risotto alone, without the salmon and dressing would be a meal to most people….

feb 5 2017

i have decided
everything should be placed
in clean handkerchiefs

you are the funniest person, a comedian,a poet ,a writer , professor, explainer,a psychologist, a massage therapist, a fixer of everything, handsomest, kindest, a genius , the most beautiful, interesting ,calm voice and many, many other things every day of your life. you are also the most talented person .
i would never trade you for anyone or anything .

feb 6 2017
we had baked beans from england ,scrambled eggs, vegetarian sausage patties and wierd al yankovich for breakfast. you are an american now and grits.and he solved our only problem, he said when the food gets cold reheat it….don’t get upset ,reheat it.

feb 8 2017

i love how at the conway courthouse you said it wasn’t a waste of time, b/c we learned something.
we go to the beach and you give me your hat to keep the sun out of my eyes and i feel ugly, but you are magic and tell me it looks good. you know how to solve everything.
then you hugged me all night…we change sides back and forth, b/c our backs hurt, but i still think it’s the most wonderful life : anything with you is….also, you got me doughnuts at the store, you said i needed them.


feb 9 2017
so very sweet how you vacuum all the feathers from the quilt, wash dishes and eat a banana pancake b/c you say you knew i wanted you to and say to make it more even, but it’s not true. you do everything.i could never make it even. i wish i could make it more even .you take the best care of me

before dinner you said we have our own language. people wouldn’t know. we went to bed at 7:15 and watched beach pillows and peter coyote national parks. we are the first people to take pillows to the beach. i love how you cover my ears ,so i don’t hear the bad things and the other night you knew to cover my eyes. you hugged me tight and made a circle with your fingers to turn the other way, to the right and then you cuddled up close to my chalk outline. remember the street in brighton with the doggy chalk outlines.
at the end of beach pillows the lady was singing i really don’t know and you started singing neither do i and you sounded just like her.

feb 10 2017

we went to the beach and had a good time walking at briarcliff for half an hour ,until the wind blew the umbrella so hard, we had to go back and we were so tired.you said you enjoyed the walk anyway. so we went to beach cove and sat under the wind, in a different spot,by the pool and you said you loved the wrapped sandwich, in a napkin, b/c you didn’t have to worry about washing your hands. so i will wrap both halves…i don’t think i have been doing that,my brain…i love how you say things and know how to.i really wish i did, b/c i always feel bad the way i say them.
then we sat, where we enjoy sitting and you say something hilarious about the wind and also you found a gray sock somewhere today, funny, also…i can’t say.

then you accidentally say four haiku that i was fast enough to write and then this when i got home.i wish i had remembered everything & a fast typist knew shorthand:

you are not riding
the hobby horse the hobby
horse is riding you

the only way you
get good medical treatment
is to pay for it

the gulls are getting
exponentially worse now
every single week

i think it was a
territorial display
hubris staring

it isn’t even half of february or valentine’s day yet

feb 13 2017

(you always explain how you are feeling ,so i will understand and i think it’s the most wonderful thing when you do that or i would be sad thinking i was making you upset….
the histamines are making you not feel well. i tell you i wish i could do something to make you feel better and you say, again

just keep smiling at me like that

love of my life


computer screen black
no memory to speak of
repaired for short time

darling fiance
would be no life without you
the love of my life

you said we were closer than ever ,just the other day. you are the most patient person in the world with me. at the beach ,whenever i try to put my sandals back on, when you are ready to go, you always bend down, because you are the only prince charming, and help me put them back on, so i don’t have to bend back down. they say fairy tails aren’t true and then the stories turn out to be scary making the foot fit in the shoe, but you are truly real and the most wonderful man in the world.
and then you carry the giant, heavy umbrella and chairs and tell me to go ahead and whenever it looks like rain, you always notice and tell me to go ahead before i get wet. it’s just one of the 100’s of kind things you are and do everyday and i would love you forever no matter what.

i’ve been the luckiest person in the world ,since you found me . life was hell before you came here and it would be hell without you. you are a gift from heaven. i would never trade you for anything or anyone, for any reason ever. you are the most perfect person in the world for me.i believe G-d made us for each other. i didn’t know anyone so good could exist. every day of my life, you give me happiness…
we are both very grumpy from the horrible lives we’ve had ,before we met, but i understand and know you don’t mean it, just like i wish you knew i don’t mean the stupid stupid things i say. i want to make up for all the things i’ve said.
all i ever need and want to do is hug you, to be happy.i never want to let go. never want to go to sleep. you can’t imagine the happiness from hugging you and you hugging me…
the magic is always as wonderful as the first day. the magic is always there. nothing ever wore off for me,from the first day i fell in love with you. sorry that i hurt your back.

you take care of me ,when i had the asian flu and salmonella 3 out of 9 weeks, the last few months. you take care of me every day and make sure i don’t get hurt. you protect me , when
cars drive on red and we are in the street.you make sure i don’t lose things, in airports.

what do you do when you try to take a shower and the handle falls off in your hand.normally i would just cry, b/c i can’t call anyone and then you have to spend days looking on the computer ,who does that…i’ve never known anyone who could fix anything. you can fix everything: my life,
(the greatest minds at harvard literally couldn’t fix) and the handle .i bring it to you and say i’m sorry i broke this and you get up and say don’t worry and fix it and make me feel better,also. and the other day,when i burned my mother’s pot, you said they usually have to be thrown away and didn’t think you could ,but you fixed that too, b/c you knew it was sentimental…
i wish i could take everything back and not have ever said anything that was rude to you ever. i wouldn’t hurt your feelings or hurt you on purpose ,for anything in the world. you are the only person who never aggravates me. i don’t know how things sound, until i think about it later.they come out wrong.and then i get upset and want to spend the rest of my life trying to make up.
like the day ,you saved us in the woods,when we got locked in. i want to tell you how wonderful you are. how proud i am of you. how smart you are to get us out of there. we could have been eaten alive by a 50 foot alligator ,like the one we saw months later.but when we get to the hilton,i act so stupid about the lady smoking cigarettes. i have no idea why. what i mean to say,doesn’t come out.only stupid things do.i love how you held my hand all the way back ,by the ocean and talked the whole way,so the time went by faster on the long walk back, that wasn’t long enough.
i love how you sang your rosh hoshannah song through the short cut ,on the way back home , so i wouldn’t be afraid of the snakes.

i love your beautiful face and eyes,how you look down at me with your forehead on mine. it gives me chills.i love when you explain things to me and you are so kind ,the way you do it,nicely. you are a genius.i love to listen to everything you say and i always will.your monologues.no matter what you say ,it’s interesting. i love to be with you ,anywhere , no matter what we do.even when i have to stay in a hotel room, b/c it’s too cold to go outside for 3 months, b/c the government wouldn’t let you stay here longer…
i know i’m a lot of trouble. you have to spend months every day,looking for restaurants with soft seats and you never make me feel bad, b/c i can’t sit on hard …i feel bad that you have to.
every day , i have been and will be thankful for how you got a cab to pick us up next to the airport and the next time, you got that limo to come inside…i knew you were the most wonderful man in the world,when you did that for me and i would have done and would do anything for you.
you told me you were loyal.i promise i will never forget what you did for me. i knew you really loved me.

i love you in the dark at the beach and how funny you are and how you told me to look at the sky
,and the clouds and how romantic you are and how you take care of me and tell me not to pun you when you say look at the sky and to listen to every word you say and how you tried to explain sound waves and make dolphin hands to tell me why i can’t hear the saxophone. i love to try to take care of you. can’t imagine a greater purpose, in this world. it makes me very happy.nothing i would rather do.

you just said if i just keep smiling at you like that, that was all you need to be happy.i can’t tell you how wonderful, you make me feel ,when you said that and say things every single day.i knew you meant it. and i just want to hug you.
i love you more than anything on earth forever.


siberian husky loves jazz too II haiku


fly me to the moon
somewhere over the rainbow
also behind you

if someone asks you
to repopulate the moon
the least you can do

fly me to the moon
vegas for belgian waffles

siberian dog
here again for the live jazz
just like last friday

parked on your golf cart
watching the sun in the clouds
three ladies photos

husky is husky
enjoying the atmosphere
loves rubbing his ears

day trader by day
sax maniac by evening
moon shines high above

we’re in a new york
state of mind even though we’re
south carolina

never before heard
ipanema of jobim
last sinatra notes

suddenly a dream
chlorine affect’s ones hearing
answer lies on moon


every tern a season haiku



standing by egret
we have egret on standby
sneaky baby bird

the terns are watching
to every tern a season
we are all waiting

a golf announcer
egret has sneaking long legs
beak has missed twice now

stand by for lift up
these are very tiny fish
fourth try and no dice

you might want to think
about becoming a nice

because two dozen
would only be a light snack
can’t even catch one

minnows are swimming
happily away from bird
walking by their side


serendipitous haiku by my love II


“it was predicted
news would become sillier
in the seventies

the three presented
with their perfect little beards
perfect little suits

(van gogh experts on bbc)

we’re all going to die
not very helpful is it
in a hurricane

frankly some of the
only normal people i’ve
seen here are drunks

what are you doing
sneaking around behind my
view,blindsided me

all you have to do
is rally someone to hate
and they’ll vote for you


I answer this guy
when you say look at the sky
you say don’t pun me

Brighton used to be
the liberal capital
country of england

tell me more of your
mosquito and purell tales
wait with baited breath

(mosquitoes like perfume & in purell)

blind leading the blind
paragraph about the beer
no percent content

is your dress dry yet
are you finished with it now
just use my hanger

don’t know how many
years i have carried this bag
but it’s time has come

cross that off the list
things you can do comfortably
can do with your life


doc wife rips scrotum
these are the success stories
of my country

waitresses big smiles
that disappear the minute
they turn the corner

no one would have thought
he’d take the experiment
this far with the jeans

quite a good tee shirt
Apologies In Advance
back lawyer’s email