fruitful multiplying haiku

buy brie december
expiration may thirteen
how does cheese know this
`
he can’t eat butter
i can’t have margarine
his turtle likes chiffon
`
never spending day
with wine spending four thousand
sandy chihuahua
`
why is this called
a preview when you can see
the entire post

`
those fruitcake grocers
don’t sell duke’s mayonnaise although
they do sell fruitcakes
`
baseball nemesis
taking boyfriend to china
leave gehrig behind
`
raindrops kept falling
on my head too every time
i went in the hall

keep having to change
tense from past to present
aggravating haiku
`

her husband’s an ass
father changed him into one
samantha stevens
`

if you go missing
after one hundred years
do they close your case file
`

grapes go forth at once
multiplying into wine
turning toes purple
`

chanukkahturkekahgibletkah

on the first day of hanukkah
my true duck will send to me
a round trip ticket to fly for free
join him at home in his palm tree
.
on the second day of chanukah
my true love will explain to me
how thanksgiving and chanukkah can be on the same day you see
and two lovely camels to wrap gifts and saute ghee
yes a big help to me
.
on the third day of hannukkah
my true love will cook for me
three somethings that contain no all er gy
no wheat no sugar, no eggs or soy & they’re glu ten free
they also should come in rhymes of three
.
on the fourth day of chanukkah
my true love bakes for me
four black and white cookies in the state of new jer sey
they don’t come from the south , not that i ever did see
wanted one since they were on seinfeld in a ba ker y
.
on the fifth day of hannukah
my true love grates for me
five potato latkes and one to hang on his tr ee
four black and white cookie
three foods allergy free
two camels sauteing ghee
and my duck waiting in his tree
warm paradise of the red sea

on the sixth day of hanukkah
my true love gives to me
six ipods he bought on the second day of hanukkah , yes black fri dy
(we don’t say day in the south but dy or some of us with accents sill y)
two for my camels,one for my duck and three for me
for home, land and sea
or maybe ipads actually
i forgot what he told me
forgot the difference, a little technical mishuggy

on the seventh day of channukah
my true love makes for me
seven spinning dreidels and a sho pping spree ee
wherever the dreidel lands he ki sses me
like an alle go ry
becuase he thinks it’s like a spin the bottle par ty
and that’s al right with me

on the eighth day of channnukkah
my true love brings to me
eight baby ducks and we wash them in i vory
no not dawn because they’re not greasy
then we have high tea
it’s so pepper min ty
we sit by the sea ,listen to sym phony
dolphin on chord of harp sy
tuna plie instead of play because they’re dol phin free
he pulls out the best gift and it’s not po ppy
hamantaschen with prune if you know my tummy
and a hanukkah filled with frui ty pas t ry
my mother loved jane parker fruit cakes from the A&P
and that’s alright too with me makes hanukkah christ mas y


*You can try to sing
To the twelve days of christmas
And you may succeed

two hours in the sand

do sheep get itchy
are some allergic to wool
you have to wonder.
`
Sophie the Dog

sophie was all wet
she looked at parents like they
pushed her into hole

hole in the ocean
she misjudged no judging
told me her plight

she told me to walk
very warm at the ocean
windy here by ducks

she stands far away
knowing duck could pull her in
felipe is tricky.
`
In the Sand

almost erased
i love nolan and conner
by the next waves

( i love conner too
scott peterson erased him
erased laci too ).

Mr. Blond Mullet

he caught two blue fish
one as i walked behind him
return second blue

while i was away
shark jumped on his minnow
snapped thirty test.
`
An Old Seventeen

sweet home schooled boy
“are you that jewish lady
from last october ”

five two and five ten
sinking deeper into sand
teenager and i .

every october
he said “keep up the good work”
told him to “drive safe ”

we laugh at silly
expressions people say to us
” you’re doin it ”

“Stay There”

remember last year
he crossed the creek at high tide
to tell me something.

Family Walk

sister walks head down
three miles searching for shark teeth
today she found two .
`
Black Dress & Eyeshadow

you look so pretty
” i’m doing a model shoot ”
six year old child .

White Doggy

twelve year old lucy
pink t shirt avoid sunburn
” i love my daddy “.

barely conscious stream

`
deviled crabs
tiny pitchforks chasing you
across the sand.

`
rice krispie treats
falling in bikini top
uncomfortable.

`

married on beach
dolphins are your witnesses
miami dolphins.

`
smith party of six
party of five
one died in line.

`
“Pyramid Scheme”

send us picture
imaginary money
we make blogging ?

`

my father said
“good thing you aren’t
allergic to money”.

`

you’re in a pickle
i can’t help you
i hate vinegar.
.
cucumbers are
notorious for heartburn
double negative.
`
“you hold your liquor
better than i do peggy.
long island iced tea”.
.
i hold my liquor
just like the next man
with my hands.

`
watch out for
piranha in jacuzzi
he hasn’t eaten.

`
tropical depression
sadness because summer
left the building.

`

“They Give To Me”
haven’t ever
given anyone anything
contagious.

`
“which ad experience
do you prefer”
none nada zip.

`
where were you
when the lights went out ?
in a haiku.

`
“No More Alimony”
Art Cashin

” ben bernanke flies
over your house drops
million dollars”.

`
“Walking on Beach”

like to turn around
make sure no one following
shouting haiku.