Great Ocean Road

Aside

Return Address: Earth

On January 28, Uli and I took a day trip to the Great Ocean Road.  It was a long, beautiful day.  I had never seen a coastline like this.  The limestone cliffs towered over the coast, creating beautiful scenery.  The Twelve Apostles were magnificent.  I didn’t realize how large the formations were.  There aren’t many exciting stories to tell, other than the adorable curious koala who climbed down a tree to investigate our tour, coming very close to us.  I’ll let the pictures do the talking for this one:

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fruitful multiplying haiku

buy brie december
expiration may thirteen
how does cheese know this
`
he can’t eat butter
i can’t have margarine
his turtle likes chiffon
`
never spending day
with wine spending four thousand
sandy chihuahua
`
why is this called
a preview when you can see
the entire post

`
those fruitcake grocers
don’t sell duke’s mayonnaise although
they do sell fruitcakes
`
baseball nemesis
taking boyfriend to china
leave gehrig behind
`
raindrops kept falling
on my head too every time
i went in the hall

keep having to change
tense from past to present
aggravating haiku
`

her husband’s an ass
father changed him into one
samantha stevens
`

if you go missing
after one hundred years
do they close your case file
`

grapes go forth at once
multiplying into wine
turning toes purple
`

i haven’t seen you in a coon’s age

bear necessities

cock gun

hen party

card shark

play opossum

duck your head

silly goose

elephant walk

fowl ball

chicken out

lion around

snake eyes

kid around

monkey around

cat walk

dog tired

puppy love

seems fishy

rat out

squirrely

tiger in your tank

animal rights & sexual harassment

“when a horse says nay
that’s exactly what he means”
sexually harass.

Dr. Katz
`
“bob newhart’s fear of
humidity workshop “they
had to sweat it out”
`

” i would take a bullet
for you and bring it wherever
you would like”

Dr Katz to son Ben
`
“my check paid for that
maybe you paid for the bottom
left hand portion”

Larry David / breast implants
`
“well i don’t have to
tell you there was no malted
under the boardwalk”

Edith Bunker
`
“mr. carlin i
don’t know if you noticed but
the ceiling caved in”

Bob Newhart
`

so did mine bob
watching you to forget raining
through roof onto floor
`
“you’re saying there’s a
tyrannosaurus rex lost
in N Y City”

White Collar
`
“if i’ve learned anything
from paula deen at all
it’s keep my mouth shut”

Raising Hope
`

“she’s incredibly
famous for having orgasms
during sermons”

Rev
`

`

calgon, mr bubble, ivory snow take me away

a small interruption in summer, brought to you by dove & murphy’s law. yesterday, i find it hard to sleep , because latin pop music was coming from the living room. someone has stolen my jazz station.
a normal, average day ,not unlike any other ,since the 8th of december, 1999, hanukkah. normal as in murphy’s law.
fourteen months of peaceful jazz to sleep with…who changed channel 36 to 45 & now it says no signal?
no time for that now.what the devil is wrong with my arm.oh ringworm how nice. bosco, ottie, gracie …they blame dogs?

you have to read this funny.once a dr , an osteopath or something told me i had feline leukemia. i laughed , but it was the only time in my life i had a cat. (he didn’t know anastasia was living under my house, so i put her on the screened in porch & fed her every day.when she became pregnant this cat person told me we should put her in the warm garage .when we found no kittens, we took anastasia to the vet, who laughed because anastasia was a boy the entire time). doctor or whoever you were ,don’t you think i have enough diseases without this feline thingy…
so we have a dog a cat & there was the deer who apparently gave me lyme disease when i was 7 but i don’t find out until it’s too late ,resistant in 2011 & the mosquitoes dr. cheney & NIH blame for CFIDS in st. thomas in 1983.

so,it was supposed to be the last warm day,however the wind is a warm 17 mph without gusts & the weather channel is only 10 degrees off guessing. at 11 a m it begins pouring like a hurricane & last night i find a very wet ceiling , after bossy fixed the roof.you would think the worst thing today would be knowing you can’t go outside for 4 months, but now ceiling can turn to mold .

i already needed a tranquilizer to be aggravated by the new moving company,after spending months with mary & before mary ,they gave me paige…eighteen email with mary about complications.can anyone dust.i left 9 years ago….don’t bring the tv it weighs 400 pounds & takes 4 people to lift.it got wet in the moving truck during a hurricane in 99……but that’s another story…after 2 months, something happened to mary & now stepford wives keep answering my questions as hi new person we will be glad to give you an estimate.. hello mary did that a long time ago.we are way past that……..two months wasted.

then ,what appears in the kitchen ,ants.i want to say i can’t believe this, but yes of course,my life has been a soap opera since i was eighteen , who am i kidding 14 years, 24/7 but really ,since one week ,after 12th grade.
i have an entire story about ants, i want to say october the 20th..i know now how & why the ants appear.

then i write my brother about signing contract .how can that be anything but tension.while b/p is already jumping out of your chest,let’s write a new moving co., storage co…

i wish mc donald’s would say you deserve a break , but no, so i apparently didn’t have enough on what’s left of my brain & tell my realtor ,sure yall come on over tomorrow & we’ll make an offer on a condo.

it’s tomorrow ,so at 9:49 a m & bossy decides to try breaking in & spray pesticide… 2 simple words no chemicals…
the owner & i had an agreement i can only move in if no pesticide… exterminators put key in door every 2 months,9 a m / nightgown & say we will write it down , but bossy said it’s up to him…this is like the 7th time…there would be no ants,except for the m&m fiasco, but i spray tobasco sauce.fourteen months of bossy literally breaking in the other condo.i’m asleep . then he pretended the a c leaked instead of the roof, causing me to leave for days .. then he said he fixed the roof , but obviously not.

technically he is breaking in , but mentally he truly broke in last september & scared me half to death, when i had just really had 5 people break in , in maryland & really had ptsd. murphy wouldn’t let him him break in , if i wasn’t already afraid of this.

then i go to universal orlando where police try to come in at 4 am also & how does a person who is ill from toxic molds have mold appear in every darn state they go to get away from it?
dr . says go to a new building,then 4 years later there’s toxic mold in maryland. florida it wasn’t toxic that i know, but mold…..myrtle beach – both condos.

oh and when i tried to leave my house in charleston, after racoons broke in , 2007, & after i fell down the stairs ,5000.00 /hospital, i was going back to virginia & the hotel i stay at had person after person reviewing that the hotel as having mold.i was going to rent a new apartment ,they built outside my bedroom & the lease said if you find mold & that’s when i threw it out the window.

cab drivers who took me to the dr every other day for 5 years told me about this woman who got sick from toxic mold ,like me ,at the hilton,across the street who got millions & all i got was 14 years of aggravation ,2640.00 a month health insurance & lawyers who said too complicated or they don’t know how & the statute of limitations ran out, when my real estate lawyer said she would have helped me.

so boss thinks it’s up to him. the very best thing that could happen would be choking & an asthma attack & then hospital.worst would be death.i am already about to throw him out the window for the sawdust in my lungs & waking at 8 am , 6 days a week,for 4 weeks.there are 4 people here & 80 condos, but he picks the ill person’s bedroom window & door to saw boards in front of….who else murphy? a very long 24 hours…

chanukkahturkekahgibletkah

on the first day of hanukkah
my true duck will send to me
a round trip ticket to fly for free
join him at home in his palm tree
.
on the second day of chanukah
my true love will explain to me
how thanksgiving and chanukkah can be on the same day you see
and two lovely camels to wrap gifts and saute ghee
yes a big help to me
.
on the third day of hannukkah
my true love will cook for me
three somethings that contain no all er gy
no wheat no sugar, no eggs or soy & they’re glu ten free
they also should come in rhymes of three
.
on the fourth day of chanukkah
my true love bakes for me
four black and white cookies in the state of new jer sey
they don’t come from the south , not that i ever did see
wanted one since they were on seinfeld in a ba ker y
.
on the fifth day of hannukah
my true love grates for me
five potato latkes and one to hang on his tr ee
four black and white cookie
three foods allergy free
two camels sauteing ghee
and my duck waiting in his tree
warm paradise of the red sea

on the sixth day of hanukkah
my true love gives to me
six ipods he bought on the second day of hanukkah , yes black fri dy
(we don’t say day in the south but dy or some of us with accents sill y)
two for my camels,one for my duck and three for me
for home, land and sea
or maybe ipads actually
i forgot what he told me
forgot the difference, a little technical mishuggy

on the seventh day of channukah
my true love makes for me
seven spinning dreidels and a sho pping spree ee
wherever the dreidel lands he ki sses me
like an alle go ry
becuase he thinks it’s like a spin the bottle par ty
and that’s al right with me

on the eighth day of channnukkah
my true love brings to me
eight baby ducks and we wash them in i vory
no not dawn because they’re not greasy
then we have high tea
it’s so pepper min ty
we sit by the sea ,listen to sym phony
dolphin on chord of harp sy
tuna plie instead of play because they’re dol phin free
he pulls out the best gift and it’s not po ppy
hamantaschen with prune if you know my tummy
and a hanukkah filled with frui ty pas t ry
my mother loved jane parker fruit cakes from the A&P
and that’s alright too with me makes hanukkah christ mas y


*You can try to sing
To the twelve days of christmas
And you may succeed

two hours in the sand

do sheep get itchy
are some allergic to wool
you have to wonder.
`
Sophie the Dog

sophie was all wet
she looked at parents like they
pushed her into hole

hole in the ocean
she misjudged no judging
told me her plight

she told me to walk
very warm at the ocean
windy here by ducks

she stands far away
knowing duck could pull her in
felipe is tricky.
`
In the Sand

almost erased
i love nolan and conner
by the next waves

( i love conner too
scott peterson erased him
erased laci too ).

Mr. Blond Mullet

he caught two blue fish
one as i walked behind him
return second blue

while i was away
shark jumped on his minnow
snapped thirty test.
`
An Old Seventeen

sweet home schooled boy
“are you that jewish lady
from last october ”

five two and five ten
sinking deeper into sand
teenager and i .

every october
he said “keep up the good work”
told him to “drive safe ”

we laugh at silly
expressions people say to us
” you’re doin it ”

“Stay There”

remember last year
he crossed the creek at high tide
to tell me something.

Family Walk

sister walks head down
three miles searching for shark teeth
today she found two .
`
Black Dress & Eyeshadow

you look so pretty
” i’m doing a model shoot ”
six year old child .

White Doggy

twelve year old lucy
pink t shirt avoid sunburn
” i love my daddy “.

dolphin, sunny and 76

~
i was closing in
three ducks walk up diving board
said i’m sorry

i have no bread now
they walk back down the ramp
despising my guts.
.

if i had a nickel
for every time my husband said
don’t stand still

stay in the car don’t
stand still they got me today
wasn’t standing still.

(red ant)
~

(way way way out thinking / i’m not batman)

master waist deep throws
ball way out to sea dog swims
over waves fetching

wearing red leash
ready to help dog ,punch man
spot fins behind dog

five dolphin playing
spinning around dolphin flashes
want to play too

ocean a gorgeous blue
mullet pirouette
dolphin demi plie .
~
two men and their partial
haiku :
.
Testing the Water
.

i step into pool
man says “it’s only cool
to the touch” funny guy.

Walking on Beach
.

“you live here don’t you?
every time i come
keep up the good work” okay.

mr mishuginah II and bubbulah

picks up my shih tzu
they watch seinfeld together
make funny poses.

i take their photos
in my mother’s rocking chair
she sits on his head.

she allows posing
upside down in his arms
cradled close to floor.

way to watch seinfeld
piggy back on his shoulders
they are so funny.

then he says hello
sometimes during commercials
realizing i’m there.

he kisses my arm
like gomez adams but he
never kisses me.

day two calls doctor
article in newspaper
CFIDS contagious? ( see fids )

my doctor tells him
nine nine point nine percent sure
isn’t contagious.

doesn’t believe him
top doctor in his field
calls other doctors.

italian restaurant
said he loves me because i’m
friends with old people.

he’s cold at pizza hut
covers his head with coat
while we eat dinner.

D.C. three years later
seinfeld still on at seven
while we eat dinner.

still no hello until
commercials that’s when
i’m allowed to speak.

once instead of hello
he said you cook better
than my mother did.

“it’s not his face”

“go tell aunt rhody”
she’s really uncle fred

“it’s the right time
and the wrong place

time for mr. bubble
“double double toil and trouble”

have another potato knish
my command is as you wish

spinach crepe or gefilte fish
better get you a larger dish

turtle dove and sparkly fish
waltz together in their niche

~

(It’s Alright With Me / Sinatra)

“Though your face is charming

it’s the Wrong Face not his face

alright with me “.

~

(It’s the Right Time)

“It’s the right time

sun is shining in window

once in a lifetime”

~

(Right Time of the Night)

“You and me baby

the stars are winkin above

for makin love”.