for every state haiku tv 8 & country

“that’s my mother
mona lisa is the girl
nat king cole sings about”

Gracie Allen/ painting of Mona Lisa
“if if’s and buts were
candy and nuts we’d all have
a merry christmas”

“i have a rather
remarkable collection
of wine and handcuffs”


“and of those three months
how long have you been a
demented sex pervert”

Sheldon to Mom

“Brick that was cute
at the block party but we’d all
had a lot of beer”

The Middle

“those two i wish they’d
just get a room already”
pretend didn’t say

Benson / SVU

” i only repeat
myself once in twelve hours
you caught me on it”

The Millers

“if he’s not retired
why does he buy his pants
at the pharmacy”

Robert Barone

haiku television seven not michael bevan

“sorry i’m just about
to enter sprinkle city
got a problem”

Cap’n Holt / Brooklyn-99
“beautiful woman
with a lot to offer
shall we make an offer”

Modern Family

“the only coupon
i want is unlimited
leave me alone time”

The Middle

“but safety concerns
went out the window two
apple juices ago”

Sheldon afraid of potty on plane
“how long does it take
for a birthday cake to fly
to san francisco”

“if your father wants lunch
tell him i left a dollar
in his wallet”

Gracie Allen

“i don’t want a nap
i don’t need a nap and
i’m not taking a nap”

The Millers
“you would know that what
i’m going to do is
exactly the answer”

Blue Bloods

“you’re calling me a
heartless dictator or MOM”
“exactly the same”

Everybody Loves Ray

“yeah debra and i
have always dreamed of having
a marriage like you”

Ray to Marie
“i’m going to be
mrs. luke spencer again”
“made me work for that”

General Hospital

“temporary tattoos
can save a child’s life
tonight at eleven”

news in haiku

no birthday cake bang theory haiku

when sheldon and leonard’s mother
call him narcissist

two biggest narcissists
she never hugged her son
gave him any praise

no birthday party
she tells him to buy her book
when he needs advice

i don’t have to tell
you about sheldon where would
anyone begin

congratulate her
on her child she says
“why it’s not my achievement”

she isn’t much nicer
bunch of sociopaths
on the good wife

every last member
monotone cold unfeeling
sell their own mother

but a fine actress
cybil birdcage and good wife
bake leonard a cake !

what’s your name in throes of passion

i am so dizzy
you know you want to say this
who the heck are you

you cannot stop me
i am going to say this
wish it had been you

change your name daily
pyramid scheme some such crime
stewie griffin quote

“if it wasn’t right
the first 10 times you said it
why would it be now”

if you aggravate me
you’re going out the window
risk entering


“i said something wrong
now i long for yesterday
easy game to play”


a few haiku out of the blue


his nom de plume
was jealous of his other
nom de plume.


for over a year
could have had clean towels
i’m the dumb one.


“september fishermen”

catch your death
angler’s test line
beheading you.


“poodle & shepherd”

ottie and annie
living a dog’s life
two cool katz.

“all october/ funny fisherman”

red test line
angler tapping my head
as i walk by.

“and she said”

“bloody mary
with a crab leg stuck in it”
almost a haiku


it’s like catchinany
but for sea shells.


“weather channel sunday”

mostly cloudy
opposite of mostly sunny
never get it right.


“sun in your eyes”

walking backwards
mr. am i behind you
or in front of you.



“you don’t have
to put on the red light”
or your clothes.


“big bang theory/ leonard ”

” because if all guys
were like me the human race
couldn’t survive”


dental hygenist
loves bread and cheetoes
favorite work.

“you sound marvelous”

rock star maid
earpiece on her head
sings while she works.


frozen spinach
place in microwave listen
for metal popping .

“snoopy doesn’t hang”

“hang on sloopy”
won a yellow t shirt
a little tight.

thought it was snoopy
for near ninety year
fear i can’t hear.

cuchi cuchi haikuchi

(big bang theory)

penny had three strikes

“no shoes no shirt no sheldon”

cheesecake policy.

(bath time)

you make bath time fun

“rubber ducky you’re the one”

lucky peeking duck.

(xavier cugat)

he married charo

bandleader violinist jazz

the king of rumba.

no one knew her age

between fifteen and twenty

he’s a young sixty.

another wipe natalie

(like jeff foxworthy’s: you might be a redneck if)

you might have ocd :

1. if you look at someone who wants to serve you french toast on oatmeal thursday,like they are crazy, as sheldon to penny on big bang theory.

2. if you are a dog who never ever ever wants to stop chasing the ball.and when your father stops to speak to someone, barks continually until the ball is thrown.

3. if you learn russian ,only because you have a fear of being kidnapped ,taken to russia, let go and decide to go for a bite to eat.

4.if you have 12 or more windows open right know you do.

5.if you touch food to your chin, before every bite ray barone.

6. if you are confused because you have arranged your entire life, since you were 1 ,to watch general hospital at 3 pm and they changed the time.

7. if you cannot wait 2 minutes and talk on your cell phone in the ladies room ,while powdering your nose, while others are powdering their noses.(they should have some kind of support group for that alone, because i have seen entirely too many).

8. if you write more than 20 haiku a day.

9. you find your shoeprints in the sand leaving the beach backwards, because it says ecco.

10.your neighbor comes to borrow ketchup one day in elementary school and the next day tells everyone through high school ,you have 17 bottles of heinz ketchup in the pantry.

11.if you go into a dark glass enclosed jacuzzi and wonder if anyone placed a pirahna in the water, or maybe you have seen too many law and order episodes.

12.if you have seen too many law and order episodes.

13.if you run to wash your hands after you touch the mail, even though the anthrax scare ended in dc at least 8 years ago.

14. and of course if you washed your hands every time you touched the mail before and after there was anthrax in mail.

15. if the last song you played last night was the song in your head: take me right back to the track jack,choo choo ch buggy by louis jordan, and it kept you awake.

bob’s burgers:daily special part II

bob’s special of the day: mary hartman-which ,mary hartman-which
more larry david special burgers:
funkhauser nut burger with almond walnut and cashew
don’t play wagner at my wedding or on your lawn chia seed bagelburger
richard lewis meditation yogi urt burger served on a benadryl brownie
alta kocher chronicburger with shwag (guaranteed to keep the opthomologist away)
my dry cleaner put a hole in this burger, burger
abe vigoda gefilte “fish” burger on pumpernickel

family guy specials:
gouda night everybody loves robert loggia(served on focaccia w/ melted gouda)
you made me love you johnny muldoon tickle the ivory key lime burger
stew ie d tomato on a peter bilt burger
brian swings with nat’s frim fram sauce w/ ausen fay burger and chafafah on the side
harry bel a fontina cheese burger