baking dozen thirteen

“when you’re fourteen
the world is a very confusing
and sexy place”

Ray Barone to his mother
`

“i’m a bad father
like ernest hemingway or
some other writer”

Peter Griffin / Family Guy
`

“george always says that
one woman like me is enough
for any man”

Gracie
`

“just so the ice cream
doesn’t go to waste i think
you better eat it”

Ward Cleaver to Beaver
`

“you’re all a bunch of
pigs i smell bacon this whole
place reeks of bacon”

“and guess what I’m
going kosher cause jerkey don’t
dig on swine wo oo”

Brooklyn 9-9
`

“if i’m gonna be
a donor i’d rather give
it to the red cross”

mosquitoes / Petticoat Junction
`

“when i go to heaven
will i be anatomically
correct”

Raising Hope
`

“you need to take a
step closer to the world
we are living in ”

About A Boy
`

“I’ve looked into the
eyes of traitors before casey
you’re no traitor”

Person Of Interest
`

“look my contempt is
not with the U S it’s always
been with Russia”

The Blacklist
`

“soon you’ll grow into
your grandfather’s shoes
you can be dangerous too”

Maude
`

“if you’re ever in
Japan look me up we’ll take
a bath together”
`

Bob Newhart

my ocean eleven

“this is dr.
frasier crane reminding everyone
life is too short”

Frasier
`

“don’t know why i’m
always getting my britches caught
in my own pitch fork”

Andy Griffith
`

“if this mime turns me
gay i am going to start
bringing gay guys home”

Peter to Lois / Family Guy
`

“if you’re planning on
showing up with your cold feetS
tonight forget it”

Green Acres
`

“your little girl seems
to be getting the better
of my little boy”

Family Affair
`

“Raising Hope was not
filmed in front of a live
studio audience”

Raising Hope
`

“he needs to eat
ten thousand calories a day
maintain muscle mass”

Brooklyn 9-9
`

“how come you can’t talk
about me behind my back
like other mothers”

Darlene on Roseanne
`

“i’ve never seen
a cowboy pulling a wagon
full of sandwiches”

Andy Griffith
`

“you know that’s amazing
how you would know that
off the top of your head”

Castle
`

“my father brought my
mother here on their first date
changed names couple times”

Person Of Interest
`

it’s raining men haiku television ten

“is it too much
to hope that you and i might
cross paths again someday”

The Closer
`
“with another mouth
to feed he’s got to keep his
ear to opossum hole”

Charlene / Andy Griffith
`

“he had a loan company
but he missed a payment
they took it back”

George & Gracie
`

“why in G-d’s name
would i need to dream about
another woman”

Modern Family
`

“sometimes i sit at
mr. j’s desk with no pants on
little victory”

The Middle

`

“when i got married
i didn’t get a family
got a freak show”

Debra Barone
`

“he dances with bears
and if he dances backwards
he knows he’s a male”

Gracie Allen
`

“how can i trust you
when you don’t trust anyone
you’ve got to trust me”

Person Of Interest
`
“all the books they’ve got
in the library and that’s
the one you picked”

Brick’s father / Love Story / The Middle

“walter there’e a thin
line between love and hate and
you’re erasing it”

Maude
`

“i want peter florrick
all you have to do
testify against him”

The Good Wife

“do you want me to
show you how to do this
so you don’t hurt yourself”

dance / Jake on Brooklyn 9-9

sub sea sand

baby lizard came
to play or to eat cheez its
that is the question

was a short visit
just came to say how do you do
a lovely day

sliding glass toes
massaging and softening
nature’s pumice jewel

Last Resort braugher
story of a submarine
oceanic thoughts

andre is back
alive and kicking in Brooklyn
samberg his sidekick

will andy samberg sing
“i got somethin’ real important
to give you”

sargeant has twins
he must build a pink doll house
cagney and lacey

play sprinkle city
on their phones at the precinct
just send me cupcakes

“eight dollarest wine”
perfect for entertaining
goes with everything

haiku television seven not michael bevan

“sorry i’m just about
to enter sprinkle city
got a problem”

Cap’n Holt / Brooklyn-99
`
“beautiful woman
with a lot to offer
shall we make an offer”

Modern Family
`

“the only coupon
i want is unlimited
leave me alone time”

The Middle
`

“but safety concerns
went out the window two
apple juices ago”

Sheldon afraid of potty on plane
`
“how long does it take
for a birthday cake to fly
to san francisco”

“if your father wants lunch
tell him i left a dollar
in his wallet”

Gracie Allen
`

“i don’t want a nap
i don’t need a nap and
i’m not taking a nap”

The Millers
`
“you would know that what
i’m going to do is
exactly the answer”

Blue Bloods
`

“you’re calling me a
heartless dictator or MOM”
“exactly the same”

Everybody Loves Ray
`

“yeah debra and i
have always dreamed of having
a marriage like you”

Ray to Marie
`
“i’m going to be
mrs. luke spencer again”
“made me work for that”

General Hospital
`

“temporary tattoos
can save a child’s life
tonight at eleven”

news in haiku
`

haiku tv V like chanel

“why must you fight with
your model if you have to fight
fight with your wife”

Gracie Allen

“i’ve had three kids you know
these were not just for show
these were working breats”

Debra / Everybody Loves Ray
`
“we’re taking the hit
but blaming me i thought we
had each other’s back”

Benson on Law & Order SVU
`
“i’d like a bottle
of your eight dollarest please”
your finest wine sir

Brooklyn 99
`
“oh doctor hartley
doris under sedation
is christmas enough”

Mr. Peterson on Bob Newhart
`

“i like the way you
laugh at that likes it not a
possibility”

The Trip
`
” she’s been going on
about that thing like it’s king
tut’s golden undies”

Frank Barone on Everybody Loves Ray
`
“which one is starsky
well obviously the one
on the driver’s side”

Raising Hope
`

“he used to walk
on his tiptoes so he wouldn’t
wake himself up”

(sleepwalking) Gracie Allen
`

“look how cute you look
in your little pajamas
got a back trap door”

Everybody Loves Ray
`

haiku tv where you want to be

“i always hear people
brag about how their carpet
matches their drapes ”

Raising Hope
___

“i want to kiss you
but what about your husband
can kiss him later ”

Maude
___

“let’s go talk about
your case the case of how you
got so damn sexy ”

`
“happy birthday you
sly old fox how many spankings
is it this year”

Brooklyn -99
___

” don’t punish yourself
at least you are deep enough
to know you’re shallow ”

`
“what are you going
to do force me to bring back
your dead relatives ”

Frasier
___

“you once picked a fight
with your own reflection after
having only two ”
(beer)
`
“everybody hang
on to Dottie’s seat belt it’s
the only good one ”

the Middle
___

“just last week i helped
a prince from Nigeria
track down his fortune ”

Mike & Molly

___

“i do have a
favorite and it’s you
girl please no seriously”

(favorite child – Dick Butkus)

The Neighbors

___

“the way we see it
a man is only as big
as gun he carries ”

Family Guy “Death Lives”
NRA or some fictitious gun group
___

___