baking dozen thirteen

“when you’re fourteen
the world is a very confusing
and sexy place”

Ray Barone to his mother
`

“i’m a bad father
like ernest hemingway or
some other writer”

Peter Griffin / Family Guy
`

“george always says that
one woman like me is enough
for any man”

Gracie
`

“just so the ice cream
doesn’t go to waste i think
you better eat it”

Ward Cleaver to Beaver
`

“you’re all a bunch of
pigs i smell bacon this whole
place reeks of bacon”

“and guess what I’m
going kosher cause jerkey don’t
dig on swine wo oo”

Brooklyn 9-9
`

“if i’m gonna be
a donor i’d rather give
it to the red cross”

mosquitoes / Petticoat Junction
`

“when i go to heaven
will i be anatomically
correct”

Raising Hope
`

“you need to take a
step closer to the world
we are living in ”

About A Boy
`

“I’ve looked into the
eyes of traitors before casey
you’re no traitor”

Person Of Interest
`

“look my contempt is
not with the U S it’s always
been with Russia”

The Blacklist
`

“soon you’ll grow into
your grandfather’s shoes
you can be dangerous too”

Maude
`

“if you’re ever in
Japan look me up we’ll take
a bath together”
`

Bob Newhart

With Twelve You Get Gracie

“there are two things that
make a marriage successful
man and a woman”

Gracie
`

“i never make up
my mind to go anywhere
until i am there”

Gracie
`

“she came as a witch
on a broomstick and she tried
to ride side saddle”

Gracie
`
“the recipe said
to separate two eggs
those were her very words”

Mrs. Sommers to her psychiatrist about Gracie

so gracie asked blanch
to take one egg to her house
she kept the other
`

mrs. sommers
cracking up because of all
the things that gracie says

he did not believe
gracie was a real person
not a sharp crayon

“trained observer
i can’t imagine anyone
more normal than you”

Psychiatrist to Gracie
`

“hellou hellew”

seven am heilou
fourth day four hour cat nap
it’s avon calling

are you kidding me
avon calling myrtle beach
vacation condos

where’s security
no girl scout cookies but this
my tranquil birthday

no one lets me sleep
repeating hellou hellew
it’s avon calling

i open my eyes
to find edward scissorhands
i was not amused

although i did laugh
because it had seemed so real
awake pudding proof

will i ever learn
keep channel on tv land
quiet mayberry

my ocean eleven

“this is dr.
frasier crane reminding everyone
life is too short”

Frasier
`

“don’t know why i’m
always getting my britches caught
in my own pitch fork”

Andy Griffith
`

“if this mime turns me
gay i am going to start
bringing gay guys home”

Peter to Lois / Family Guy
`

“if you’re planning on
showing up with your cold feetS
tonight forget it”

Green Acres
`

“your little girl seems
to be getting the better
of my little boy”

Family Affair
`

“Raising Hope was not
filmed in front of a live
studio audience”

Raising Hope
`

“he needs to eat
ten thousand calories a day
maintain muscle mass”

Brooklyn 9-9
`

“how come you can’t talk
about me behind my back
like other mothers”

Darlene on Roseanne
`

“i’ve never seen
a cowboy pulling a wagon
full of sandwiches”

Andy Griffith
`

“you know that’s amazing
how you would know that
off the top of your head”

Castle
`

“my father brought my
mother here on their first date
changed names couple times”

Person Of Interest
`

i followed you

hi i’m a narcissist
don’t like anything you wrote
just come read me

i never intend
to like or to even read
anything you write

(some may have other
reasons they may not know the way
to read your blog)

follow me a year
read everything i write
i never learned manners

it’s too bad no one
who i am talking about
will ever read this

i actually get
very angry and i say
go jump in the lake

when they follow me
i say go jump in the lake
almost every day

sometimes i just think
oh great another pyramid
sociopath

they are just so sweet
dying to make you money
their mission in life

when in fact they are
scheming to take your money
so they can be rich

“make money blogging”
run away when you see this
“empower”, “simple”

they wear sunglasses
sometimes husband and wife pic
woman and baby

just an avatar
nothing to the right of pic
together good clues

it’s raining men haiku television ten

“is it too much
to hope that you and i might
cross paths again someday”

The Closer
`
“with another mouth
to feed he’s got to keep his
ear to opossum hole”

Charlene / Andy Griffith
`

“he had a loan company
but he missed a payment
they took it back”

George & Gracie
`

“why in G-d’s name
would i need to dream about
another woman”

Modern Family
`

“sometimes i sit at
mr. j’s desk with no pants on
little victory”

The Middle

`

“when i got married
i didn’t get a family
got a freak show”

Debra Barone
`

“he dances with bears
and if he dances backwards
he knows he’s a male”

Gracie Allen
`

“how can i trust you
when you don’t trust anyone
you’ve got to trust me”

Person Of Interest
`
“all the books they’ve got
in the library and that’s
the one you picked”

Brick’s father / Love Story / The Middle

“walter there’e a thin
line between love and hate and
you’re erasing it”

Maude
`

“i want peter florrick
all you have to do
testify against him”

The Good Wife

“do you want me to
show you how to do this
so you don’t hurt yourself”

dance / Jake on Brooklyn 9-9

dine with haiku television nine

Gracie said she can’t
“have oysters at lunch because
there’s no R in it”

George & Gracie
`
(my brother’s best friend
Elliott Gould’s attorney
until his murder)

“now do you just want
to do it like this with no
feeling on my part”

Bob & Carol Ted & Alice
Dyan Cannon to Elliot Gould
`

“if anyone should
spend a night in teen ranger jail
it should be me”

Bob’s Burgers
`

“i will be writing
an order of protection
after this meeting”

The Good Wife
`
“this is going to
happen and there’s nothing you
can do about it”

General Hospital
`

“and the fact that you’re
unhappy proves that you are
not selfish at all”

The Middle
`

“i know we used to
dance together all the time”
“way to kill moment”

About A Boy
`

“come here kiss me Tim
or whatever your name is”
“there will be nightmares”

The Blacklist
`

not late haiku television 8

“three rocks two fingers
and a splash of water Frank
had this every night”

commercial / Frank Sinatra
`

“he didn’t need lipstick
on his face for proof
he knew he’d been kissed”

Gracie Allen
`

” a very important meeting
how to destroy
our competitors”

The Good Wife
`

“oh Chichi I’ll do
anything if it means you’re
mentally balanced”

Marie Barone
`

“WE oh no you had
your chance to be we for like
a year and a half”

Leonard / Big Bang Theory
`

“your smoke alarm’s
going to start beeping at two
forty one a m ”

Person Of Interest
`

” I think it would be
better if we just let things
happen naturally”

The Middle

“I don’t know but could
you need it right now just to
get me through the day”

Ray Barone / Everybody Loves Ray
`

“look my heart breaks
for you and your family
and what you have gone through”

“it’s a little bit
early in our investigation
to know that”

Blue Bloods
`
“whatever you just
did for him you won’t ever
have to do again”

Law And Order SVU

for every state haiku tv 8 & country

“that’s my mother
mona lisa is the girl
nat king cole sings about”

Gracie Allen/ painting of Mona Lisa
`
“if if’s and buts were
candy and nuts we’d all have
a merry christmas”

Sheldon
`
“i have a rather
remarkable collection
of wine and handcuffs”

Mom
`

“and of those three months
how long have you been a
demented sex pervert”

Sheldon to Mom

`
“Brick that was cute
at the block party but we’d all
had a lot of beer”

The Middle
`

“those two i wish they’d
just get a room already”
pretend didn’t say

Benson / SVU
`

” i only repeat
myself once in twelve hours
you caught me on it”

The Millers
`

“if he’s not retired
why does he buy his pants
at the pharmacy”

Robert Barone

haiku television seven not michael bevan

“sorry i’m just about
to enter sprinkle city
got a problem”

Cap’n Holt / Brooklyn-99
`
“beautiful woman
with a lot to offer
shall we make an offer”

Modern Family
`

“the only coupon
i want is unlimited
leave me alone time”

The Middle
`

“but safety concerns
went out the window two
apple juices ago”

Sheldon afraid of potty on plane
`
“how long does it take
for a birthday cake to fly
to san francisco”

“if your father wants lunch
tell him i left a dollar
in his wallet”

Gracie Allen
`

“i don’t want a nap
i don’t need a nap and
i’m not taking a nap”

The Millers
`
“you would know that what
i’m going to do is
exactly the answer”

Blue Bloods
`

“you’re calling me a
heartless dictator or MOM”
“exactly the same”

Everybody Loves Ray
`

“yeah debra and i
have always dreamed of having
a marriage like you”

Ray to Marie
`
“i’m going to be
mrs. luke spencer again”
“made me work for that”

General Hospital
`

“temporary tattoos
can save a child’s life
tonight at eleven”

news in haiku
`