stream of streams

when you get a hanging
judge his wife probably
just burned his toast

`
i’m a southern bell
who just said bloody ell
a tornado warning

`
weighted power lines
one half inch of ice can add
five hundred pounds

`
counting words since
“knee high to a grasshopper”
finally paid off

`
For Nancy Grace
.
you can “put lipstick
on a pig” if you wish that
sure one is willing

if you’re literal
many defense attorneys
do this every day

`

i drink because i’m
thirsty and dehydrated
maybe poet too

i can’t drink or smoke
maybe i’m not a poet
inimicable


now i can’t remember
if you put lipstick or
perfume on pigs

not that it matters
maybe i need a drink now
that will help me think

Pierre, card shark at sea

come out from behind
your dough is all there Pierre
you don’t have to count

stop shadowing me
you just bring the cards tonight
willing to bring dough

crab pastry puffs
croissant baguette and bagel
everything you like

pumpernickel’s best
you don’t have to count the carbs
you just count the cards

he transported me

shopping at walmart
almost everything you need
stay for the haiku

before entering
passing twin motorcycles
pre enter haiku

not even there yet
seventeen syllables flow
count in disbelief

he was telling me
how he spent only twenty
coming to myrtle

that was shocking too
all the way from kalamazoo
or tokyo

somewhere way out there
he knew i needed haiku
a total stranger

saving me money
he tried to give me the world
in those few seconds

haiku tv V like chanel

“why must you fight with
your model if you have to fight
fight with your wife”

Gracie Allen

“i’ve had three kids you know
these were not just for show
these were working breats”

Debra / Everybody Loves Ray
`
“we’re taking the hit
but blaming me i thought we
had each other’s back”

Benson on Law & Order SVU
`
“i’d like a bottle
of your eight dollarest please”
your finest wine sir

Brooklyn 99
`
“oh doctor hartley
doris under sedation
is christmas enough”

Mr. Peterson on Bob Newhart
`

“i like the way you
laugh at that likes it not a
possibility”

The Trip
`
” she’s been going on
about that thing like it’s king
tut’s golden undies”

Frank Barone on Everybody Loves Ray
`
“which one is starsky
well obviously the one
on the driver’s side”

Raising Hope
`

“he used to walk
on his tiptoes so he wouldn’t
wake himself up”

(sleepwalking) Gracie Allen
`

“look how cute you look
in your little pajamas
got a back trap door”

Everybody Loves Ray
`

from seashells to grandmother’s house we go

seashell injures toe
between pinky and french fry
grandmother hearsay

this little piggy
mashed potatoes french fries
sweet potato auch

toasting my bagel
one side with half silver tin
rest on other side

purchasing kraft stock
enjoying ten grandchildren
i was the youngest

fifteen years younger
had i not been ten tins
one for each grandchild

giving me chocolate
no belief in allergies
eyes changing scarlet

diminutions
fading to count dracula
weakening breaths

old enough to know
seven six years older
mothers are wisest !

haiku tv where you want to be

“i always hear people
brag about how their carpet
matches their drapes ”

Raising Hope
___

“i want to kiss you
but what about your husband
can kiss him later ”

Maude
___

“let’s go talk about
your case the case of how you
got so damn sexy ”

`
“happy birthday you
sly old fox how many spankings
is it this year”

Brooklyn -99
___

” don’t punish yourself
at least you are deep enough
to know you’re shallow ”

`
“what are you going
to do force me to bring back
your dead relatives ”

Frasier
___

“you once picked a fight
with your own reflection after
having only two ”
(beer)
`
“everybody hang
on to Dottie’s seat belt it’s
the only good one ”

the Middle
___

“just last week i helped
a prince from Nigeria
track down his fortune ”

Mike & Molly

___

“i do have a
favorite and it’s you
girl please no seriously”

(favorite child – Dick Butkus)

The Neighbors

___

“the way we see it
a man is only as big
as gun he carries ”

Family Guy “Death Lives”
NRA or some fictitious gun group
___

___

kindergarten ku ( for The Cutter)

once i ran away
from kindergarten lutheran
church of our savior

not because i’m jewish
but because we had a
substitute teacher

running to brick house
crossing the street to Foxes
jewish family

housekeeper thought
noodles and butter would calm me
haven’t had them since

momentarily
someone convinced me that
substitutes were alright

i was only four
miss Rosemary came back next day
fr’ere jacques

taught me piano
Adam poked me with pemcils
blue mole born of lead

one day Adam
unzipped his pants proving he must
use little boy’s room

two thousand seven (2007)
federal prison one year
alien check fraud

i always picture
my mother walking down stairs
Adam’s going up

same hospital ten days apart
day my mother leaves
his arriving

synchronistic lives
elementary pool neighborhood
hebrew class

except my father
Kindest Gentlest Giving
his apparent crook

father giving him
fifty cents to be quiet
carpool millionaire

gambling dry cleaners
ran away to Atlanta
like father like son

Adam’s last email
google advised against it
stealing financials

third grade black belt
always protecting me who will
protect me from you
`
note to self *
(google ? no )

no actual running
involved crossing the street
or to Atlanta

animal rights & sexual harassment

“when a horse says nay
that’s exactly what he means”
sexually harass.

Dr. Katz
`
“bob newhart’s fear of
humidity workshop “they
had to sweat it out”
`

” i would take a bullet
for you and bring it wherever
you would like”

Dr Katz to son Ben
`
“my check paid for that
maybe you paid for the bottom
left hand portion”

Larry David / breast implants
`
“well i don’t have to
tell you there was no malted
under the boardwalk”

Edith Bunker
`
“mr. carlin i
don’t know if you noticed but
the ceiling caved in”

Bob Newhart
`

so did mine bob
watching you to forget raining
through roof onto floor
`
“you’re saying there’s a
tyrannosaurus rex lost
in N Y City”

White Collar
`
“if i’ve learned anything
from paula deen at all
it’s keep my mouth shut”

Raising Hope
`

“she’s incredibly
famous for having orgasms
during sermons”

Rev
`

`

chanukkahturkekahgibletkah

on the first day of hanukkah
my true duck will send to me
a round trip ticket to fly for free
join him at home in his palm tree
.
on the second day of chanukah
my true love will explain to me
how thanksgiving and chanukkah can be on the same day you see
and two lovely camels to wrap gifts and saute ghee
yes a big help to me
.
on the third day of hannukkah
my true love will cook for me
three somethings that contain no all er gy
no wheat no sugar, no eggs or soy & they’re glu ten free
they also should come in rhymes of three
.
on the fourth day of chanukkah
my true love bakes for me
four black and white cookies in the state of new jer sey
they don’t come from the south , not that i ever did see
wanted one since they were on seinfeld in a ba ker y
.
on the fifth day of hannukah
my true love grates for me
five potato latkes and one to hang on his tr ee
four black and white cookie
three foods allergy free
two camels sauteing ghee
and my duck waiting in his tree
warm paradise of the red sea

on the sixth day of hanukkah
my true love gives to me
six ipods he bought on the second day of hanukkah , yes black fri dy
(we don’t say day in the south but dy or some of us with accents sill y)
two for my camels,one for my duck and three for me
for home, land and sea
or maybe ipads actually
i forgot what he told me
forgot the difference, a little technical mishuggy

on the seventh day of channukah
my true love makes for me
seven spinning dreidels and a sho pping spree ee
wherever the dreidel lands he ki sses me
like an alle go ry
becuase he thinks it’s like a spin the bottle par ty
and that’s al right with me

on the eighth day of channnukkah
my true love brings to me
eight baby ducks and we wash them in i vory
no not dawn because they’re not greasy
then we have high tea
it’s so pepper min ty
we sit by the sea ,listen to sym phony
dolphin on chord of harp sy
tuna plie instead of play because they’re dol phin free
he pulls out the best gift and it’s not po ppy
hamantaschen with prune if you know my tummy
and a hanukkah filled with frui ty pas t ry
my mother loved jane parker fruit cakes from the A&P
and that’s alright too with me makes hanukkah christ mas y


*You can try to sing
To the twelve days of christmas
And you may succeed

haiku, sea ku

no such thing as a
gefilte fish it’s carp white
fish or whatever.
.
Squeaky Clean

it’s coming from
outside the house note on door
i’m in the shower

note has been on door
since tuesday it’s thursday now
what a dumb pumpkin.
.
if i was a ferret
would have died twelve times
last thirteen years.
.
october fishermen
like to tap my head daily
with red test line .
.

ten pink jellyfish
that’s how far i walked not
very far at all.
.
annie and moon pie
two king charles spaniel puppies
stop me coming back.
.
seventeen jellies
little did i know friday
there would be hundreds.
.
we are like two ships
colliding in the night
stuck together.
.
amazing jet ski
dolphin tours do you watch them
or do they watch you ?
.
“daddy can i take
a hot shower no you can
take an ice cold one”.

`
I Saw Stars
Etta Jones

” i heard a birdie
sing so sweet so sweet the
moment i fell for you ” …
.
Cold as Ice

“you’re as cold as ice
someday you’ll pay the price i
know want paradise ” …