baking dozen thirteen

“when you’re fourteen
the world is a very confusing
and sexy place”

Ray Barone to his mother
`

“i’m a bad father
like ernest hemingway or
some other writer”

Peter Griffin / Family Guy
`

“george always says that
one woman like me is enough
for any man”

Gracie
`

“just so the ice cream
doesn’t go to waste i think
you better eat it”

Ward Cleaver to Beaver
`

“you’re all a bunch of
pigs i smell bacon this whole
place reeks of bacon”

“and guess what I’m
going kosher cause jerkey don’t
dig on swine wo oo”

Brooklyn 9-9
`

“if i’m gonna be
a donor i’d rather give
it to the red cross”

mosquitoes / Petticoat Junction
`

“when i go to heaven
will i be anatomically
correct”

Raising Hope
`

“you need to take a
step closer to the world
we are living in ”

About A Boy
`

“I’ve looked into the
eyes of traitors before casey
you’re no traitor”

Person Of Interest
`

“look my contempt is
not with the U S it’s always
been with Russia”

The Blacklist
`

“soon you’ll grow into
your grandfather’s shoes
you can be dangerous too”

Maude
`

“if you’re ever in
Japan look me up we’ll take
a bath together”
`

Bob Newhart

With Twelve You Get Gracie

“there are two things that
make a marriage successful
man and a woman”

Gracie
`

“i never make up
my mind to go anywhere
until i am there”

Gracie
`

“she came as a witch
on a broomstick and she tried
to ride side saddle”

Gracie
`
“the recipe said
to separate two eggs
those were her very words”

Mrs. Sommers to her psychiatrist about Gracie

so gracie asked blanch
to take one egg to her house
she kept the other
`

mrs. sommers
cracking up because of all
the things that gracie says

he did not believe
gracie was a real person
not a sharp crayon

“trained observer
i can’t imagine anyone
more normal than you”

Psychiatrist to Gracie
`

it’s raining men haiku television ten

“is it too much
to hope that you and i might
cross paths again someday”

The Closer
`
“with another mouth
to feed he’s got to keep his
ear to opossum hole”

Charlene / Andy Griffith
`

“he had a loan company
but he missed a payment
they took it back”

George & Gracie
`

“why in G-d’s name
would i need to dream about
another woman”

Modern Family
`

“sometimes i sit at
mr. j’s desk with no pants on
little victory”

The Middle

`

“when i got married
i didn’t get a family
got a freak show”

Debra Barone
`

“he dances with bears
and if he dances backwards
he knows he’s a male”

Gracie Allen
`

“how can i trust you
when you don’t trust anyone
you’ve got to trust me”

Person Of Interest
`
“all the books they’ve got
in the library and that’s
the one you picked”

Brick’s father / Love Story / The Middle

“walter there’e a thin
line between love and hate and
you’re erasing it”

Maude
`

“i want peter florrick
all you have to do
testify against him”

The Good Wife

“do you want me to
show you how to do this
so you don’t hurt yourself”

dance / Jake on Brooklyn 9-9

is it morning yet

but how do you know
when you don’t get enough sleep
no one asked did they

1 wake up to find that
the water you boiled last night
still warm on the stove

2 fall asleep at four am
but when you wake up
it’s still dark outside

3 the same movie you
were watching when you fell asleep
isn’t over

4 you are watching
george and gracie from three a m
until four a m

5 you eat celery
because calcium is supposed
to help you sleep

6. valerian root
didn’t help in eighties
nor tranquilizer now

why would celery?
jack lalanne said that it did
came with my juicer

five wasted hours
thirty five hours each week
do not do the math

dine with haiku television nine

Gracie said she can’t
“have oysters at lunch because
there’s no R in it”

George & Gracie
`
(my brother’s best friend
Elliott Gould’s attorney
until his murder)

“now do you just want
to do it like this with no
feeling on my part”

Bob & Carol Ted & Alice
Dyan Cannon to Elliot Gould
`

“if anyone should
spend a night in teen ranger jail
it should be me”

Bob’s Burgers
`

“i will be writing
an order of protection
after this meeting”

The Good Wife
`
“this is going to
happen and there’s nothing you
can do about it”

General Hospital
`

“and the fact that you’re
unhappy proves that you are
not selfish at all”

The Middle
`

“i know we used to
dance together all the time”
“way to kill moment”

About A Boy
`

“come here kiss me Tim
or whatever your name is”
“there will be nightmares”

The Blacklist
`

not late haiku television 8

“three rocks two fingers
and a splash of water Frank
had this every night”

commercial / Frank Sinatra
`

“he didn’t need lipstick
on his face for proof
he knew he’d been kissed”

Gracie Allen
`

” a very important meeting
how to destroy
our competitors”

The Good Wife
`

“oh Chichi I’ll do
anything if it means you’re
mentally balanced”

Marie Barone
`

“WE oh no you had
your chance to be we for like
a year and a half”

Leonard / Big Bang Theory
`

“your smoke alarm’s
going to start beeping at two
forty one a m ”

Person Of Interest
`

” I think it would be
better if we just let things
happen naturally”

The Middle

“I don’t know but could
you need it right now just to
get me through the day”

Ray Barone / Everybody Loves Ray
`

“look my heart breaks
for you and your family
and what you have gone through”

“it’s a little bit
early in our investigation
to know that”

Blue Bloods
`
“whatever you just
did for him you won’t ever
have to do again”

Law And Order SVU

for every state haiku tv 8 & country

“that’s my mother
mona lisa is the girl
nat king cole sings about”

Gracie Allen/ painting of Mona Lisa
`
“if if’s and buts were
candy and nuts we’d all have
a merry christmas”

Sheldon
`
“i have a rather
remarkable collection
of wine and handcuffs”

Mom
`

“and of those three months
how long have you been a
demented sex pervert”

Sheldon to Mom

`
“Brick that was cute
at the block party but we’d all
had a lot of beer”

The Middle
`

“those two i wish they’d
just get a room already”
pretend didn’t say

Benson / SVU
`

” i only repeat
myself once in twelve hours
you caught me on it”

The Millers
`

“if he’s not retired
why does he buy his pants
at the pharmacy”

Robert Barone

haiku television seven not michael bevan

“sorry i’m just about
to enter sprinkle city
got a problem”

Cap’n Holt / Brooklyn-99
`
“beautiful woman
with a lot to offer
shall we make an offer”

Modern Family
`

“the only coupon
i want is unlimited
leave me alone time”

The Middle
`

“but safety concerns
went out the window two
apple juices ago”

Sheldon afraid of potty on plane
`
“how long does it take
for a birthday cake to fly
to san francisco”

“if your father wants lunch
tell him i left a dollar
in his wallet”

Gracie Allen
`

“i don’t want a nap
i don’t need a nap and
i’m not taking a nap”

The Millers
`
“you would know that what
i’m going to do is
exactly the answer”

Blue Bloods
`

“you’re calling me a
heartless dictator or MOM”
“exactly the same”

Everybody Loves Ray
`

“yeah debra and i
have always dreamed of having
a marriage like you”

Ray to Marie
`
“i’m going to be
mrs. luke spencer again”
“made me work for that”

General Hospital
`

“temporary tattoos
can save a child’s life
tonight at eleven”

news in haiku
`

your fix ,haiku tv six best picks

you should never go
on vacation because something
bad will happen

Die Hard(s) (me)
`

“they were out of
sixteen milimeter so i
got you two eights”

Gracie Allen film for son
`

“i can’t be impossible”
“i exist” “you mean
i’m improbable”

Sheldon on Big Bang Theory
`

“‘Fishy Bass Film’ sea
it now on a Scale of one
to ten it’s a ten”

Dr. Katz
`

“no no you’re not
bothering us we’re just making
out bills and crying”

Bob Newhart to his reverend ,may be rerun
`

“you know it’s still
our anniversary i was
hoping you’d say that”

White Collar

`
“tell me that you don’t
spend more money on raymond’s
christmas gifts than mine”

Robert Barone

`
“parents don’t fight much
in front of me and wally”
“read a book it’s bad”

Beaver Cleaver
`

“don’t worry bout me
pretty fly for a white guy
i drive a golf cart”

Larry Bird The Neighbors
___

“white boy steal the blues
just wake up in the morning
in the British Isles

down in Dixieland
since the white boy stole the blues
heard the latest”

Mose Allison “Middle Class White Boy”

be there , haiku tv

“would you like a brazillian
for your landing gear
i like a big bush”

Very Small Business
_
“oh mrs. barone
why are you taking your clothes off
i’m the dentist ”

Everybody Loves Ray
___

“but you are a man
spirit flows through us we’re all
estro geniuses”

Bob’s Burgers

___
“what the bloody ell
are you talking about matthew
need a lie down ”

The Librarians

___
“i want small olives
the little ones make the sandwiches
look bigger ”

George & Gracie
___

“sitting there watching
you coo over my pigeon
it looks delicious”
`
“gorgeous wonderful
that’s very sexy chocolate
it’s good actually”
`
“come come mr. bond
do you get as much pleasure
from killing as i ”
`
“your mussel broth sir”
“imagine that being cooked
in your own juices ”
`
“the pork belly
has made me kind of amorous
yeah it will do that”

The Trip
___

“in life there is no
such thing as a perfect
time for anything”

Castle
___

“one time i played seven
minutes in heaven i
was hit by a bus”

Two Broke Girls
___