calgon, mr bubble, ivory snow take me away

a small interruption in summer, brought to you by dove & murphy’s law. yesterday, i find it hard to sleep , because latin pop music was coming from the living room. someone has stolen my jazz station.
a normal, average day ,not unlike any other ,since the 8th of december, 1999, hanukkah. normal as in murphy’s law.
fourteen months of peaceful jazz to sleep with…who changed channel 36 to 45 & now it says no signal?
no time for that now.what the devil is wrong with my arm.oh ringworm how nice. bosco, ottie, gracie …they blame dogs?

you have to read this funny.once a dr , an osteopath or something told me i had feline leukemia. i laughed , but it was the only time in my life i had a cat. (he didn’t know anastasia was living under my house, so i put her on the screened in porch & fed her every day.when she became pregnant this cat person told me we should put her in the warm garage .when we found no kittens, we took anastasia to the vet, who laughed because anastasia was a boy the entire time). doctor or whoever you were ,don’t you think i have enough diseases without this feline thingy…
so we have a dog a cat & there was the deer who apparently gave me lyme disease when i was 7 but i don’t find out until it’s too late ,resistant in 2011 & the mosquitoes dr. cheney & NIH blame for CFIDS in st. thomas in 1983.

so,it was supposed to be the last warm day,however the wind is a warm 17 mph without gusts & the weather channel is only 10 degrees off guessing. at 11 a m it begins pouring like a hurricane & last night i find a very wet ceiling , after bossy fixed the roof.you would think the worst thing today would be knowing you can’t go outside for 4 months, but now ceiling can turn to mold .

i already needed a tranquilizer to be aggravated by the new moving company,after spending months with mary & before mary ,they gave me paige…eighteen email with mary about complications.can anyone dust.i left 9 years ago….don’t bring the tv it weighs 400 pounds & takes 4 people to lift.it got wet in the moving truck during a hurricane in 99……but that’s another story…after 2 months, something happened to mary & now stepford wives keep answering my questions as hi new person we will be glad to give you an estimate.. hello mary did that a long time ago.we are way past that……..two months wasted.

then ,what appears in the kitchen ,ants.i want to say i can’t believe this, but yes of course,my life has been a soap opera since i was eighteen , who am i kidding 14 years, 24/7 but really ,since one week ,after 12th grade.
i have an entire story about ants, i want to say october the 20th..i know now how & why the ants appear.

then i write my brother about signing contract .how can that be anything but tension.while b/p is already jumping out of your chest,let’s write a new moving co., storage co…

i wish mc donald’s would say you deserve a break , but no, so i apparently didn’t have enough on what’s left of my brain & tell my realtor ,sure yall come on over tomorrow & we’ll make an offer on a condo.

it’s tomorrow ,so at 9:49 a m & bossy decides to try breaking in & spray pesticide… 2 simple words no chemicals…
the owner & i had an agreement i can only move in if no pesticide… exterminators put key in door every 2 months,9 a m / nightgown & say we will write it down , but bossy said it’s up to him…this is like the 7th time…there would be no ants,except for the m&m fiasco, but i spray tobasco sauce.fourteen months of bossy literally breaking in the other condo.i’m asleep . then he pretended the a c leaked instead of the roof, causing me to leave for days .. then he said he fixed the roof , but obviously not.

technically he is breaking in , but mentally he truly broke in last september & scared me half to death, when i had just really had 5 people break in , in maryland & really had ptsd. murphy wouldn’t let him him break in , if i wasn’t already afraid of this.

then i go to universal orlando where police try to come in at 4 am also & how does a person who is ill from toxic molds have mold appear in every darn state they go to get away from it?
dr . says go to a new building,then 4 years later there’s toxic mold in maryland. florida it wasn’t toxic that i know, but mold…..myrtle beach – both condos.

oh and when i tried to leave my house in charleston, after racoons broke in , 2007, & after i fell down the stairs ,5000.00 /hospital, i was going back to virginia & the hotel i stay at had person after person reviewing that the hotel as having mold.i was going to rent a new apartment ,they built outside my bedroom & the lease said if you find mold & that’s when i threw it out the window.

cab drivers who took me to the dr every other day for 5 years told me about this woman who got sick from toxic mold ,like me ,at the hilton,across the street who got millions & all i got was 14 years of aggravation ,2640.00 a month health insurance & lawyers who said too complicated or they don’t know how & the statute of limitations ran out, when my real estate lawyer said she would have helped me.

so boss thinks it’s up to him. the very best thing that could happen would be choking & an asthma attack & then hospital.worst would be death.i am already about to throw him out the window for the sawdust in my lungs & waking at 8 am , 6 days a week,for 4 weeks.there are 4 people here & 80 condos, but he picks the ill person’s bedroom window & door to saw boards in front of….who else murphy? a very long 24 hours…

what kept george carlin awake

tell your doctor if
there’s a change in body hair
as opposed to what

can you do the math
five am trying to sleep
commercial appears

if you take this pill, this is what the doctor needs to know? first of all the expression body hair is so annoying.where else would someone have hair if not on their body ? and second, that’s what’s important to tell the dr? i don’t think so, but okay dr, i took this pill & my mexican hairless grew an updo last night.or i was getting ready to open this coconut after i took this pill & he acquired a blue mustache.it scared me so badly, i had to take another pill, a purple pill for heartburn, which then gave me leaky gut syndrom, another horrible name & hey they don’t list that for side effects in the purple commercial,or what it means in layman’s terms,losing ability to absorb vitamins from vegetables, but that’s another story.

perhaps this would happen & then i would be thrilled to tell the dr.hey doc i have had curly hair all my life but i took this pill & awoke with straight hair. in this case she would be thrilled & buy stock in the company. i would too.this would be important.we would market the pill and put the crazy kiosk girl at the mall out of business.

what would george carlin say to this girl.one day you walk by this hair straightening device & they put the business in a place where you have to pass it ten times…the owner will not leave you alone.please, please let me show you how beautiful your hair would be….(oh i know i spent two hours at graham webb international ,with 1 person on each side & then an hour at the chiropractor across the street many, many days. people say my hair is beautiful , even when you fall down the stairs & it’s taped to the ems board at the hospital & i say are you kidding me).okay just be quiet already.have your fun,but i don’t want turbo silk.then he tapped his magic wand & i became cinderella.how can you resist when he tells you the price is $1 & guarantees a new one if it breaks.you think oh sure ,you will still be in business & at tyson’s mall.
a year goes by & he is still there,and you can’t go without straightening your hair, to make him happy.
on the lower level, in the new addition, there is another kiosk in a bad place. bad , because you have to keep walking by devices to CURL your hair.you walk as far away as possible , because the girl keeps trying to grab you. i will not look at you. why do they always think i am their mark.i try to look mean & think mean to myself . you are an idiot if you are too dumb to see i just spent thirty minutes straightening my hair with turbo silk from the guy upstairs and have the nerve to ask me if i would love to have curly hair and not two minutes ago , a woman on the escalator in bloomingdale’s said your hair is beautiful.and if you dare to ask , you will be leaving through the window , also.and she did, but i didn’t.
*only the $1 was changed to protect his true price,which is different for every person.

why is it quiet
i didn’t have to do math
because it’s raining

i didn’t have to
wake at five to count how many
hours til eight

i can take a pill
a tranquilizer to sleep
wake and tell doctor

if my hair is straight
or curly when i wake up
it’s so important

what would we do without
commercials telling us
what is important

haiku appear out of thin air

it’s a joke to me
because i don’t have much
oxygen in my brain.

i have hundreds of haiku ;enough to last until next summer, but not a lot of time.

haiku appear from
nowhere but questions for movers
take too much thought.

i started this in florida to write about criminal companies, but i had to wait until the criminals were finished, so instead i wrote about the crime in orlando. then i was sidetracked by haiku month last february.

last week a woman who retired from the legislature in n.j. moved here full time, to her home of 30 years.she never wants to leave..she also was in florida , 30 minutes from me & cried every day.florida will do that to you.she gave her son money for child care & came here with her husband.. even their 14 year old dog bosco got ill from depression in florida….that’s what his vet said.why not a dog.last week i saw a horse, who was depressed on andy griffith, when his father went on vacation.

florida should be the state that makes you cry,or universal orlando…i cry because there is no pizza hut there to deliver.why do i keep moving to places with no pizza hut delivery…potomac maryland- no pizza hut & now myrtle beach in this zip code either.the last time i had a veggie lover’s was 2004 at my house in charleston.
why am i thinking of pizza, because yesterday some criminal searched the best time to deliver pizza flyers & found me here.

only a criminal would do that, b/c it is illegal.they are asking the best time to commit a crime.the only way to put the pizza mafia out of business is if everyone calls the phone number on the flyer over & over so no one can order pizza & i don’t think that will work…they will just keep going to jail & hiring people who make bail & making pizza in bathtubs or just stealing your credit card number when you call for a nonexistent pizza.

last week i started to write a long story about stupid people asking me the same question over & over for 2 years, & instead of punching them ,saying you can go read my answer here.it isn’t anyone at wordpress, but i decided not to, because if you don’t have enough time to read people you follow, you shouldn’t write.and i am busy thinking up questions for movers..

it takes me six days to think of each question.i only have five now.they aren’t simple. they are very strange questions, because no one has been in this situation before.
how do you move to a city that only has furnished condos & get your things from 2 other states & 2 other condos & you have to use 2 different movers . you have no choice.

one of these companies who you didn’t hire came into your home and took everything you own while you were at the hospital .some day i will write stories about them.

they pretended to pack the entire place that i had spent 2 months packing & i have 11 witnesses & charged me 4700.00 to go 10 minutes away.. the same exact things allied had charged me only 1800.00 to move to maryland from s.c. that i had packed.
just now i found a mover who will go the same distance estimates 793.00. they really have to pack this time though, because i left 9 years ago & i can’t go in the building with toxic mold.

last week someone said you have spent 12,000 storing your things for 2 years…i didn’t say no i spent 24,000 storing 2 homes, because don’t you think i know that.i’m not bitter ben i can do math..why do you think i can’t sleep…700.00 for a condo & 1000.00 to store everything you own.obviously my things are very important & the next person who says something is leaving through the window & then i will be on law & order in jail.so do me a favor & don’t ask any more stupid questions.

why don’t i go into your home & take everything you own away from you,all your pictures of your parents, your dog who was your life, your clothes, your 80 black dresses , all the wedding presents your dead relatives gave you, all the needlepoint & knitting your mother made in her life, the 300 scarves you made, rugs you made, needlepoint picctures, your pillows it hurts your neck to sleep without & you can’t find comfortable ones anywhere, your prescriptions for 3 months , that’s only 6000.00, 16 bottles of supplemants the dr just gave you, you can’t just get at the store……………..the real list is much better, but i am trying to not remember
what they really have, or i will never sleep & the crazy guys who stole the floor outside my bedroom so i am trapped since sunday on the fourth floor again ,with the saw buzzing , cutting wood to make new floors at 8 am every day.
tomorrow if they aren’t finished , i will cut a hole in the balcony screen & climb the tree & play with the 3 raccoons i see, who really shouldn’t be there: then we will go to the beach, b/c it’s 73 tomorrow and all of the conch shells will be for us.

they just love to waste money here building .last week they decided to build a new sidewalk all the way to the highway. nothing was wrong with the old one.for some reason this means you have to lock my lunch, clothes ,haiku & shoes in the beach pool & say they told you to lock the beach, which is nowhere near the sidewalk. but that’s not as bad as the 2 people the security guard locked in the pool.maybe next time he will look.it was alright , i had crackers on my towel at the beach.no it wasn’t when i went back, jonathan livingston seagull & 30 of his closest friends had pecked the crackers open. they even opened the bag of shells & threw them around.

two hours in the sand

do sheep get itchy
are some allergic to wool
you have to wonder.
`
Sophie the Dog

sophie was all wet
she looked at parents like they
pushed her into hole

hole in the ocean
she misjudged no judging
told me her plight

she told me to walk
very warm at the ocean
windy here by ducks

she stands far away
knowing duck could pull her in
felipe is tricky.
`
In the Sand

almost erased
i love nolan and conner
by the next waves

( i love conner too
scott peterson erased him
erased laci too ).

Mr. Blond Mullet

he caught two blue fish
one as i walked behind him
return second blue

while i was away
shark jumped on his minnow
snapped thirty test.
`
An Old Seventeen

sweet home schooled boy
“are you that jewish lady
from last october ”

five two and five ten
sinking deeper into sand
teenager and i .

every october
he said “keep up the good work”
told him to “drive safe ”

we laugh at silly
expressions people say to us
” you’re doin it ”

“Stay There”

remember last year
he crossed the creek at high tide
to tell me something.

Family Walk

sister walks head down
three miles searching for shark teeth
today she found two .
`
Black Dress & Eyeshadow

you look so pretty
” i’m doing a model shoot ”
six year old child .

White Doggy

twelve year old lucy
pink t shirt avoid sunburn
” i love my daddy “.

mr mishuginah II and bubbulah

picks up my shih tzu
they watch seinfeld together
make funny poses.

i take their photos
in my mother’s rocking chair
she sits on his head.

she allows posing
upside down in his arms
cradled close to floor.

way to watch seinfeld
piggy back on his shoulders
they are so funny.

then he says hello
sometimes during commercials
realizing i’m there.

he kisses my arm
like gomez adams but he
never kisses me.

day two calls doctor
article in newspaper
CFIDS contagious? ( see fids )

my doctor tells him
nine nine point nine percent sure
isn’t contagious.

doesn’t believe him
top doctor in his field
calls other doctors.

italian restaurant
said he loves me because i’m
friends with old people.

he’s cold at pizza hut
covers his head with coat
while we eat dinner.

D.C. three years later
seinfeld still on at seven
while we eat dinner.

still no hello until
commercials that’s when
i’m allowed to speak.

once instead of hello
he said you cook better
than my mother did.

a few haiku out of the blue

`
“envious”

his nom de plume
was jealous of his other
nom de plume.

`
“housekeeping”

for over a year
could have had clean towels
i’m the dumb one.

`

“september fishermen”

catch your death
angler’s test line
beheading you.

`

“poodle & shepherd”

ottie and annie
living a dog’s life
two cool katz.

`
“all october/ funny fisherman”

red test line
angler tapping my head
as i walk by.

`
“and she said”

“bloody mary
with a crab leg stuck in it”
almost a haiku

`
“conch”

findinany?
it’s like catchinany
but for sea shells.

`

“weather channel sunday”

mostly cloudy
opposite of mostly sunny
never get it right.

`

“sun in your eyes”

walking backwards
mr. am i behind you
or in front of you.

`

“Roxanne”

“you don’t have
to put on the red light”
or your clothes.

`

“big bang theory/ leonard ”

” because if all guys
were like me the human race
couldn’t survive”

`
“braces”

dental hygenist
loves bread and cheetoes
favorite work.

`
“you sound marvelous”

rock star maid
earpiece on her head
sings while she works.

`
walmart

frozen spinach
place in microwave listen
for metal popping .

`
“snoopy doesn’t hang”

“hang on sloopy”
won a yellow t shirt
a little tight.

.
thought it was snoopy
for near ninety year
fear i can’t hear.

barely conscious stream

`
deviled crabs
tiny pitchforks chasing you
across the sand.

`
rice krispie treats
falling in bikini top
uncomfortable.

`

married on beach
dolphins are your witnesses
miami dolphins.

`
smith party of six
party of five
one died in line.

`
“Pyramid Scheme”

send us picture
imaginary money
we make blogging ?

`

my father said
“good thing you aren’t
allergic to money”.

`

you’re in a pickle
i can’t help you
i hate vinegar.
.
cucumbers are
notorious for heartburn
double negative.
`
“you hold your liquor
better than i do peggy.
long island iced tea”.
.
i hold my liquor
just like the next man
with my hands.

`
watch out for
piranha in jacuzzi
he hasn’t eaten.

`
tropical depression
sadness because summer
left the building.

`

“They Give To Me”
haven’t ever
given anyone anything
contagious.

`
“which ad experience
do you prefer”
none nada zip.

`
where were you
when the lights went out ?
in a haiku.

`
“No More Alimony”
Art Cashin

” ben bernanke flies
over your house drops
million dollars”.

`
“Walking on Beach”

like to turn around
make sure no one following
shouting haiku.

the universe does bad

i think hitler came
back to life as me
to punish him.

`
would rather be in jail
no worrying about
food or medicine.

`
every time i have
to go to the hospital
prefer beheading

thing that scares me most
suddenly i have no fear
so painful.
`
the universe does bad
it won’t leave me alone
not for a second.

typical

an email that says the maintenance man patched the roof & thinks i can just pack up half the house & leave again for three days like last week, so he can spray bleach on the ceiling again and go to a stranger’s home & not sleep for another three days , like last week.

last week he told me the tar was gone that kept the AC’s on the roof from leaking ….i didn’t say then why does it happen when it rains, until i find water spots on the ceiling again after it rained, but not mold yet this time..

we don’t have northern mold here. he thinks i’m a yankee & toxic mold is northern…i didn’t laugh or say i’m from s.c.
then he said EVERY condo has mold .where can i go! everywhere i go there is toxic mold. i give up…a 90,000 condo in myrtle beach, a brand new 600,000 condo in potomac , md, a 12 yr old 370,000 condo in arlington va.

i doubt many people have this problem. yesterday someone said to me “you can’t go anywhere can you”.so i asked mr.man to please leave the balcony door open for the chemicals to leave & he wanted to argue about the door open & the ac on… i said i will gladly pay the a c bill all the time…then , he wanted to paint the ceiling & i said then i can’t come back for 3 months…finally my realtor told him.do not paint.
so he is going to want to paint again & he left the door open , like i asked & now there are ants.i’ve never seen ants inside but i’ve been spraying tobasco sauce, salt & water & spraying vinegar too…there aren’t many but it’s still upsetting. i’m watching one play in the black pepper i sprinkled too. he’s enjoying the pepper.

an ironic bitter purple haiku:

doctor gave me heartburn
when he asked me to stop
taking nexium.

somewhere out there
a town with no toxic mold
or aggravation.

do not get this virus from sociopath

“fatspecialist”

he or she will place
a virus on your computer
don’t click.

sociopath gives
chiropractors a bad name
if you are one.

no more time for haiku:
but seriously

my definition of a sociopath in this case-

take something people need like this person and prey upon people who need to lose weight & give them more problems- steal their money for nothing…

I’M NOT FAT, i was just being polite clicking, (but i did need a local chiropractor)..
Also i’m angry you assumed someone sitting & typing is fat!lol.. ha , i’m standing because T12 hurts and C1,2,3,4, & 5 …………………… lol

* i know you will see this, b/c you just liked me again , but i don’t care . i ‘m not afraid of sociopaths. i live to stop them. you picked on the wrong person.