bob’s burgers christmas eve specials 10 or something

it’s beginning to
look a LATKE like christmas
top off your patty
.
baby bel it’s cold outside burger
.
i saw three ships come sailing in with dolphin free tunaburger
.
on christmas day in the morningstar burger
.
hark the herald angel hair pasta sing – a side with your burger
.
frosty snow manburger served outside in the cold
.
happy Holly day Hunter burger
.
home fries for the holidays
.
blue eggplant christmas without ewe meatless vegetarian burger
.
grin ch and bear it barebearburger – just bear & bun
.
one horse open face sleigh slayeddragonburger
.
santa baby put the burger under the cinnamon bun for me
(if paula deen can do it with glazed donuts, i can too)
.
last year i gave you my heart smart burger but the very next day you threw it away

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chanukkahturkekahgibletkah

on the first day of hanukkah
my true duck will send to me
a round trip ticket to fly for free
join him at home in his palm tree
.
on the second day of chanukah
my true love will explain to me
how thanksgiving and chanukkah can be on the same day you see
and two lovely camels to wrap gifts and saute ghee
yes a big help to me
.
on the third day of hannukkah
my true love will cook for me
three somethings that contain no all er gy
no wheat no sugar, no eggs or soy & they’re glu ten free
they also should come in rhymes of three
.
on the fourth day of chanukkah
my true love bakes for me
four black and white cookies in the state of new jer sey
they don’t come from the south , not that i ever did see
wanted one since they were on seinfeld in a ba ker y
.
on the fifth day of hannukah
my true love grates for me
five potato latkes and one to hang on his tr ee
four black and white cookie
three foods allergy free
two camels sauteing ghee
and my duck waiting in his tree
warm paradise of the red sea

on the sixth day of hanukkah
my true love gives to me
six ipods he bought on the second day of hanukkah , yes black fri dy
(we don’t say day in the south but dy or some of us with accents sill y)
two for my camels,one for my duck and three for me
for home, land and sea
or maybe ipads actually
i forgot what he told me
forgot the difference, a little technical mishuggy

on the seventh day of channukah
my true love makes for me
seven spinning dreidels and a sho pping spree ee
wherever the dreidel lands he ki sses me
like an alle go ry
becuase he thinks it’s like a spin the bottle par ty
and that’s al right with me

on the eighth day of channnukkah
my true love brings to me
eight baby ducks and we wash them in i vory
no not dawn because they’re not greasy
then we have high tea
it’s so pepper min ty
we sit by the sea ,listen to sym phony
dolphin on chord of harp sy
tuna plie instead of play because they’re dol phin free
he pulls out the best gift and it’s not po ppy
hamantaschen with prune if you know my tummy
and a hanukkah filled with frui ty pas t ry
my mother loved jane parker fruit cakes from the A&P
and that’s alright too with me makes hanukkah christ mas y


*You can try to sing
To the twelve days of christmas
And you may succeed

bad bad water

i need alcohol

OCD isopropyl

not the kind you drink.

`
every time you leave

literally ceiling falls

pouring water drops.
`
someone sprays lysol

flying straight into condo

breathlessly choking.
`
don’t exaggerate

crazies running on ceiling

who said it would fall.
`
last tide ceiling fell

springing eleven fountains

toxic black nightmares.
`
`
`

“pennies from heaven”

“dark when you left me

umbrella is upside down

every time it rains”.

bob’s burgers:daily special part II

bob’s special of the day: mary hartman-which ,mary hartman-which
more larry david special burgers:
funkhauser nut burger with almond walnut and cashew
don’t play wagner at my wedding or on your lawn chia seed bagelburger
richard lewis meditation yogi urt burger served on a benadryl brownie
alta kocher chronicburger with shwag (guaranteed to keep the opthomologist away)
my dry cleaner put a hole in this burger, burger
abe vigoda gefilte “fish” burger on pumpernickel

family guy specials:
gouda night everybody loves robert loggia(served on focaccia w/ melted gouda)
you made me love you johnny muldoon tickle the ivory key lime burger
stew ie d tomato on a peter bilt burger
brian swings with nat’s frim fram sauce w/ ausen fay burger and chafafah on the side
harry bel a fontina cheese burger
12/30

all i want for hanukkah is olivia pope

it’s that time of year.well, no  it’s a different time, every year.you have to look at the jewish calendar or an american calendar and subtract a day.only four more shopping days or  if you are reformed five more shopping days.so hard to find a good parking place.the lines at the mall are unbelieveable.the hanukkah decorations are beautiful,if you can find any decorations. macy’s has so many dreidel ornaments to hang on your tree, but you don’t have a tree. unless… you are married to someone who is christian.there must be a lot of interfaith marriages.why else would macy’s have so many different hanukkah, chridtmas tree ornaments.bloomingdales always has chocolate covered apples with royal blue ribbons. i like to decorate with these, because i haven’t seen any new hanukkah decorations ,since 1st  grade. godiva likes to wrap candy boxes in blue ribbon also. that magically turns them into chanukkah gifts.

you watch for all of the channukkah shows on food tv ,instead of the normal brisket and potato latkees… they had thanksgving dinners  almost 24/7 for a week, but all you can find are shows about pork loins and crab bisque.i guess it’s a kosher crab from myrtle beach;the crab who tried to eat me.oh well , maybe the chefs are reformed, also.life in america is easier if you are reformed.

it’s almost time to watch the many  hanukah movies and figure out where to hide the presents.my favorite holiday movie is Mixed Nuts ,where adam sandler sings his hanukkah song and ,and ….are there any other holday movies?someone invite larry david to dinner and make a new chanukah movie, and a new song, also .i only know three: adam sandler’s song , dreidel, dreidel ,dreidel and on the first day of hanukkah, my true love gave to me; a crisis manager named olivia pope.