serendipitous haiku by my love II

~

“it was predicted
news would become sillier
in the seventies

the three presented
with their perfect little beards
perfect little suits

(van gogh experts on bbc)

we’re all going to die
not very helpful is it
in a hurricane

frankly some of the
only normal people i’ve
seen here are drunks

what are you doing
sneaking around behind my
view,blindsided me

all you have to do
is rally someone to hate
and they’ll vote for you

(trump)

I answer this guy
when you say look at the sky
you say don’t pun me

Brighton used to be
the liberal capital
country of england

tell me more of your
mosquito and purell tales
wait with baited breath

(mosquitoes like perfume & in purell)

blind leading the blind
paragraph about the beer
no percent content

is your dress dry yet
are you finished with it now
just use my hanger

don’t know how many
years i have carried this bag
but it’s time has come

cross that off the list
things you can do comfortably
can do with your life

(basketball)

doc wife rips scrotum
these are the success stories
of my country

waitresses big smiles
that disappear the minute
they turn the corner

no one would have thought
he’d take the experiment
this far with the jeans

quite a good tee shirt
Apologies In Advance
back lawyer’s email

~

serendipitous haiku by my love

~

” a lot of cats
looked like that cat for a reason
he was their father

didn’t understand
I was understanding him
understanding you

it’s a classic thing
people have in the afternoon
cream tea and a scone

I’ve had a complete
new perspective on the place
bit of nostalgia

the flattest ocean
I’ve ever seen in my life
guy on a surfboard

they all think they’re in
a commercial and they don’t
even realize it

they looked at us like
we had just broken into
alcatraz prison

it’s one thing talking
it’s another thing ranting
they are quite different

you won’t be able
to get clean air anywhere
on this planet soon

you look at the dog
and tell me it’s my fault
you think he is cute

people are trying
to get out of london and
brighton’s a target

seem to be losing
the ability to speak
in my own accent

i’m starting to do
this weird thing smiling at dogs
i do not like it

we’re all going to die
not very useful in a
hurricane is it

you need to balance
make people responsible
with not panicking

when they start to kiss
the feet of the empty chair
know it’s time to go”

~

heathrow heisted my computer haiku

~
locked me in the pen
immigration official
at heathrow airport

then he had bad news
all of your luggage missing
computer stolen

when luggage returns
by delta or TSA
never to be found

this the beginning
people who are not british
working everywhere

can count on two hands
all of the people we meet
working in england

he was an arab
immigration official
most of the others

darling fiance
genius in any language
gets me out of jail

they call it the pen
i call it airport prison
where’s my computer?

blown to kingdom come
myrtle beach or atlanta
i bet on heathrow

two hours later
you say i should buy a house
a few weeks later

you withdraw from U
take me to terminal four
my true love to three

you call the wrong place
it’s a long train ride away
he waits for hours

awake for two days
outside in the cold waiting
you page the wrong gate

both ptsd
you don’t know your own airport
gate three is not four

6/8/16
~

oh vending machine II

_____

she’s speaking algae
little girl hears allergy
her mother explains

now saying alagy
interesting conversation
over boardwalk

vending machine
“did that to me yesterday”
superman is speaking

my pop tarts won’t pop
no one is around so i
buy another one

now they are both stuck
man goes whoosh and out they come
long line of mishaps

powdered sugar doughnuts
expiration two weeks ago
bought last night

august twenty ninth
savor a potato chip
it tasted funny

and everything did
so i wasn’t thinking
a virus from stalker

all of a sudden
something said to look down
expired october

ten months earlier
how do you like those chips
chips falling where they may

unhappy camper
getting quite ridiculous
this vending machine

____

fourteen food and fun haiku tv

“this is uber sauce
they’re not trying to be subtle
going for gold”

The Best Thing I Ever Ate
`

“drove all alcoholics
out of manhattan and into
new jersey”

Seth Meyers
`

“man you dress like that
in front of the fridge i’ve died
and gone to heaven”

Dan Conner / Roseanne
`

“in italy the
two of you couldn’t get
enough of each other”

Frank Barone / Everybody Loves Ray
`

“you know they say that
politics makes strange bedfellows
let’s check it out”

Maude
`

” you’re trying to tell me
you had a good time
with that old lady”

Reese Witherspoon / unknown movie
`

“of course you can sleep
with any woman you want to”
not your sister

General Hospital
`

“i’m going in the
other room i should be there
about 3:01”

Jackie on Roseanne
`

“i guess she’s just one
of those girls who’s got a hitch
in her get-a-long”

Andy Griffith
`

“you just wanted to
get me in bed one more time
before you dumped me”

Becky to Mark on Roseanne

which wasn’t true
because they married
lived happily ever after

`

Pregnant OCD Dolphin


my pregnant ocd dolphin
gambles on love
all the wrong places

keep your baby in
don’t gamble state lottery
break a dolphin’s heart

seriously
who pays for stupid commercials
south carolina

you can’t even watch
a half hour comedy
all four commercials

heartbreaking also
leaving those out we’re trying
to watch comedy

first someone tells you not to feed the dolphin. if i was a dolphin, i would say how dare you sir. how dare you take food from my mouth & my baby.

then, some lady, with a hairdo from 1950, who still lives there, says you shouldn’t play the lottery it’s addictive.
you’re kidding lady? i think we have known that since 1900.
if they are addicted, they aren’t going to be watching you: they are out gambling. and if they are, they need help from a therapist, a psychiatrist, not you. your suggestion will not help. why don’t you spend your money on homeless , feeding poor and taking care of animals.

stupid sociopath mingling ,meddling match company. how dare you say you speak for g-d. prey on dumb people, with your narcissistic advertising dribble. all other match companies are bad. only use us.g-d wants you to only give us your money, because he only tells us who your match should be. WOW.
you know what g-d stopped talking to people 5000 years ago. if you think g-d is talking to you. you need to go directly to a psychiatrist. my blood boils when i hear your ,what should be criminal brainwashing. why are you allowed on tv!
i feel like 99% of the large companies with shareholders are sociopaths, even if they aren’t human.
the humans that run them, often aren’t human: tobacco, cars that kill you, dog food that’s poison …

as for the last commercial ; how many people could you possibly be referring to, 1 % , when you say: “don’t push your delivery date up” . someone do the math. if you know it’s bad, don’t you think the obgyn knows this. i mean i’m just guessing, but a dr. would have to come up with this information, in order for you to know, so why do we need a middleman? don’t you think her dr. can tell her?
of this 1% , how many people don’t have a dr. did you pay money to tell 1/2 of a person, who might be at home watching tv?
should i go back in time, & tell my mother-in-law no. do not let your dr. induce labor so he can go on vacation. i laughed when she told me.

(there was no other dr. the population of this small s.c. town was 500 when i was 18 & this early labor happened ,before i was born).

.

Lovely Summer Day I

~
“just one look at you
and the world’s alright with me”
it’s a lovely day

even though it’s pizza friday
in bitter ben’s world
thursday in ours

three months of pizza
and i’ve only had it once
in my birthday suit

” today i don’t feel
like doing anything
just want to lay in bed ”

banana boat flies
on a waveless ocean
like a waveless mattress

from now on i declare
it will rain four hours
before they say so

have just arrived
very dark but it’s not supposed
to rain until six

DJ always stands
how he gets his exercise
on taco friday

limbo contest
he’ll be out there in fifteen
although no one else here

this new
three kites floating parallel
to each other and one falls down

trying to fly
on top of each other
i knew call the CIA

hopping on pine needles
more and more tiny birds beat
“hey soul sister”

wind glorious wind
i love you more than ice cream
blow out the candle

” they’ve got the beat
they’ve got the beat they’ve got the beat
yeah they got the beat ”

no one played this
just popped into my head
some type of haiku music

“because i’m happy”
don’t bring me down condo
the fourth time is the charm

i know , i JUST moved
three times since i’ve had this site
tennis villa hails

.