seaside feng shui

“walk it by yourself”
to the left and the right
sugar bear’s too tired

feng shui little boy
rearranging furniture
half size of my chair

what strength you have
tiny three year old moving every
chair except mine

everyone with their hat
feeling like i’m at the
kentucky derby

men charleston chapeau
women wear giant straw hats
pink over forty

my father always
“don’t you need a little hat”
well maybe i do

winter and summer
seven to thirty six years
i’m not starting now

even though last year
someone gave me a gift hat
rather have gift horse

large owner’s closet
someone left me new dog bowls
and a brand new leash

but there was no dog
looked everywhere for puppy
not one to be found

are you buying
someone else’s troubles when you buy
furnished condo

not like an old car
only problem getting rid of theirs
bring in yours

saxophone calling
“we’re in this world together”
come float with music

once i bought a hat
went to orthodox synagogue
rabbi said no

you want to marry?
no i certainly do not
i was just divorced

apparently
only married women wear hats
i’m conservative

of course not with hats
i purposely bought that hat
wear to orthodox

men and women can’t
sit together because men
can’t control themselves?

oh the mishegas
if i couldn’t sit with my
mother and father!

i would shoot myself
thank goodness born when i was
feel tallis tassels

orthodox parents
basically that’s all there was
when they were little

luckily they grew up
across the street from each other
in greenville

holding hands services
in the sixties after
conservative built

twenty years marriage
then they’re allowed to sit
together services

but not very long
only thirty nine years
til death destroys numbers

central synanogue , martin luther king, rabbi saperstein

Central Synagogue

it’s the jewish Glee
singing brings such happiness
always soul music

you haven’t lived
until you hear Neshama
band and green pastures
`
Neshama was grammy nominated and her father was an orthodox rabbi & composer of possibly five thousand songs. i never know what will happen next at central synagogue . they are firsts in everything. Rabbi Angela Buchdahl is the first asian american female ordained rabbi (2001) and cantor (1999).

both cantors ,Julia Katz and Rabbi Buchdahl, have the most beautiful voices you have ever heard.

someone made a joke about how getting jews to clap on two & four was an accomplishment, march 14th, by Reverend Roger Hambrick’s choir. i’ve never had that problem as a musician ,although clapping on shabbos by a conservative
is also an accomplishment.it wasn’t dark since the time changed. i doubt if anyone reading this knows what i’m saying at this point, but i am very thankful to be able to have you friday and saturday, because there is no such thing as conservative or orthodox streaming on shabbos.
one week it’s Martin Luther King shabbos.the next you may sing adon alom to a seventies sitcom song.my favorite is ya lalalala lo cho do di! and now jewish & baptist religions unite in song and a gospel choir sings
in hebrew. such wonderful music. there would be no war if everyone could pray or sing together.

Rabbi David Saperstein spoke in haiku on the night he visited:

“We Must Not Be Too Late”

“for arab and israeli
women who have lost
too many children”

“for children who don’t
have enough to eat in this
country of ours”

“for fifty year olds
who cannot find jobs
in this economy”

“for homeless on the
street for millions in poverty
in this country”

neshama, band and green pastures baptist church

jewish and baptist
coming together in song
uplifting hearts

neshama’s father
rabbi shlomo carlebach
composer of thousands

listening pleasure
where my soul was created
myrtle beach s c

neshama band
green pastures baptist church choir
reverend roger hambrick

singing together
hope to katrina victims
unite all people
_

“Return To The Land Of Your Soul”

“return to where you are
born and reborn again
the land of your soul”

two days with mrs. bloom two

mrs. bloom said ohy
you with the dog in the bed
not another one

rabbi’s jealous cat
would not tolerate another
cat in his bed

she’s afraid of cats
locked in cages even on
my stationary

cold winter kitten
hiding next to synagogue
rabbi said take him

having kniption
kitten’s carrier in car
veterinarian

doctors wife ended
taking kitten as her own
rabbi saved the day

he didn’t have to
explain to his cat or my dog
a new brother.

II
“Oh Jack enough with the Singing”

she was late that day
taking me to services
jack responsible?

she said he “threw her
out of bed & said take errin
to services”

did not look before
she leapt and jack had left the
shower button up

hair extremely wet
a little annoyed with jack
an ohy jack moment

we listened as mechanics
fixed cars on NPR
one of us did

after services
Opera concentration
searching large new homes

very well rounded
everything under the sun
countless charities
_

after my father died, she took me to services on saturdays, for another year, while staying in greenville, the house i lived in since i was one year old.
just a few of her other interests:
“M A new york university,
medical records librarian at beth israel hospital in N .Y.
administrative assistant N.Y. university medical center,
director neighborhood youth corp,board mental health association,furman university learning in retirement,field representative NCJW…..many more than i can type.

i just learned mrs. bloom was 92 years old 2/21/10. col.bloom joining her in heaven less than three months later, 5/8/10.
also Col. Bloom , a “true southern gentleman” ,went to Furman university ,before Duke and becoming an attorney .i never knew he was a colonel, or that he went to furman.that might explain a speech he gave one day & he added there was one jewish family who had all of their sons (3) in WWII…and he said my grandmother’s name, my father & his two brothers,one a lt. col, uncle bubba.

Bloom in ` limerick ` bloomin haiku

There once was a lovely woman named Bloom

Entomology lover please assume

She’s afraid of all cats

Not Katz saying ” thats thats ”

And at forty she did marry her groom
_

this could not be any
truer if my name was
truey truerstein.

dr. jonathan katz – a cartoon therapist who was once part of a duo – “koppelman & katz & that’s thats ”

mrs. bloom studied entomology in n.y., then came to s.c. , marrying, one of my parent’s dearest friends, an attorney, when she was forty..she’s Terrified of cats…not bugs ,just cats,not Katz ,just cats…also kittens.

chanukkahturkekahgibletkah

on the first day of hanukkah
my true duck will send to me
a round trip ticket to fly for free
join him at home in his palm tree
.
on the second day of chanukah
my true love will explain to me
how thanksgiving and chanukkah can be on the same day you see
and two lovely camels to wrap gifts and saute ghee
yes a big help to me
.
on the third day of hannukkah
my true love will cook for me
three somethings that contain no all er gy
no wheat no sugar, no eggs or soy & they’re glu ten free
they also should come in rhymes of three
.
on the fourth day of chanukkah
my true love bakes for me
four black and white cookies in the state of new jer sey
they don’t come from the south , not that i ever did see
wanted one since they were on seinfeld in a ba ker y
.
on the fifth day of hannukah
my true love grates for me
five potato latkes and one to hang on his tr ee
four black and white cookie
three foods allergy free
two camels sauteing ghee
and my duck waiting in his tree
warm paradise of the red sea

on the sixth day of hanukkah
my true love gives to me
six ipods he bought on the second day of hanukkah , yes black fri dy
(we don’t say day in the south but dy or some of us with accents sill y)
two for my camels,one for my duck and three for me
for home, land and sea
or maybe ipads actually
i forgot what he told me
forgot the difference, a little technical mishuggy

on the seventh day of channukah
my true love makes for me
seven spinning dreidels and a sho pping spree ee
wherever the dreidel lands he ki sses me
like an alle go ry
becuase he thinks it’s like a spin the bottle par ty
and that’s al right with me

on the eighth day of channnukkah
my true love brings to me
eight baby ducks and we wash them in i vory
no not dawn because they’re not greasy
then we have high tea
it’s so pepper min ty
we sit by the sea ,listen to sym phony
dolphin on chord of harp sy
tuna plie instead of play because they’re dol phin free
he pulls out the best gift and it’s not po ppy
hamantaschen with prune if you know my tummy
and a hanukkah filled with frui ty pas t ry
my mother loved jane parker fruit cakes from the A&P
and that’s alright too with me makes hanukkah christ mas y


*You can try to sing
To the twelve days of christmas
And you may succeed

“it’s not his face”

“go tell aunt rhody”
she’s really uncle fred

“it’s the right time
and the wrong place

time for mr. bubble
“double double toil and trouble”

have another potato knish
my command is as you wish

spinach crepe or gefilte fish
better get you a larger dish

turtle dove and sparkly fish
waltz together in their niche

~

(It’s Alright With Me / Sinatra)

“Though your face is charming

it’s the Wrong Face not his face

alright with me “.

~

(It’s the Right Time)

“It’s the right time

sun is shining in window

once in a lifetime”

~

(Right Time of the Night)

“You and me baby

the stars are winkin above

for makin love”.

decree or not decree

Want to send a gift
please no more than nine hundred
ninety nine thousand.

the rest was a haiku but not so funny in haiku

“Because that’s how many years it will last”

fed x documents
divorce of the century
found against door

HUMOROUS part:

only part i understood of lawyer speak : if anyone gives me a million dollars ,decree is ended forever.i didn’t graduate fourth in my class from harvard law,like one of my attorneys, but i have enough sense to know the other side believes this. i guess they can’t do math.

i just want to say,you better hope no one gives me a million dollars, because the first thing i will do is hire forensic accountants to find the millions, that you only have, because of my fathers kindness trust and love …..
you just better thank your lucky sociopath stars you only have to work one half hour a month, to earn that.
`
totally forgot ;
Tried to explain
to gentleman from Tennessee
getting a GET.

when he informed me i was still married to my x husband. he said jewish people cannot get divorced.and he wasn’t even drinking moonshine at the time.
`
But Please : i do not want to win the lottery

please don’t allow anyone to leave me anything in their will

i would just love some peace and quiet, but no one has even given me that, for one day ,in my life, since i was little, so why would anyone give me a million.LOL

and if you have to send a gift, please be sure ,you only send 999,999.00.

Chew Tobacco Spit

Starting to grow on me
the words not the music
so hilarious.

`
don’t understand what
any of this means so i
wrote 2 country songs:

“baby you make me
want to roll my windows down
and cru uu uise”?

” talking to a red solo cup”? (aren’t you drunk )?

“chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco spit”?

“no shoes no shirt no problem”? (usually a problem)?
`
so i wrote these songs,(they’re at least haiku),like wierd al yankovic:
I

All i need is a man
who hates country music
as much as i do.

Likes blue solo cups
doesn’t spit tobacco or
tangle grandma’s yarn.

Just leaves cruise controls
to the pilots when we
get our shine on.

He’s sweeter than
Dixie Crystal sugar and tanner
than Sue Bee honey.

He’s my sweet potato
casserole with marshmallows
and brown sugar.

No shoes no shirt
no pants full service
no tattoo big problem.

II can slso be sung to dave brubeck’s take 5:

if only you didn’t
have a cross on your back
cause i’m jewish.

it’s my cross to bear
we can’t be buried together
it’s unlawful.

YOU CAN”T be buried
in a jewish cemetary
with a tattoo. chorus

why hasn’t anyone
written a song about this
in my lifetime.

it would have saved you
a lot of terrible pain
and more pain today.

You Can’t be buried
in a jewish cemetery
with a tattoo. chorus

that’s why i don’t
have one and i never will
wouldn’t if i could.

Larry David show
they had to move his mother
cemetery plot.

You Can’t be buried
in a jewish cemetery
with a tattoo…
~
(note in haiku):
( while i find larry david
the most hilarious
jew that i know.

next to mr. mishuginah
don’t enjoy the
self loathing jew bits.

mr. narcissist wants
to bribe someone changing
5000 year laws.

that is like asking
the pope to change good friday
to a thursday).

~

little red riding hood

if you are allergic to gluten, is every day passover?

are muses amusing?

if i was a daytrader i would never sell you.

i was litle red riding hood.
where are the royalties?

only barbie had the red cape.
but when that song came on:

“hey there little red riding hood
you sure are looking good
you’re everything a big bad wolf could want.owooooooo,”

i crawled under the car seat.
safely home, call teddy V and ask him to please play something else.

you scared me teddy V.
`

and a jazz haiku:

(too darn hot)

“sup with my baby

coo with my baby tonight

temperature is low”.