3 jews and a cowboy cafe

a tale of coincidences`

it was thursday night at the cowboy cafe`, in arlington , va. realizing i could buy my own condo and not have larry david silly arguments about planes and lightning. i had my own table , my own city paper and the chef would bring a cheese quesadilla and not let me pay. i could go see any movie i wanted to, every movie in the city paper, without
having to wait for mr. mishuginah to decide out of 10 newspapers , which review was the best. heaven knows i didn’t have enough sense to pick a good movie, having seen every trailer known to mankind. a good movie is one that has no music , very depresssing and an old woman dies in a foreign language, apparently.

as i was waiting for my cab driver, at the window, mr. mishuginah , who had apparently been sitting at the bar began speaking to me. after a long time, still with my back turned, thinking that was the universal sign for saying i’m not speaking to you, finally i said i am not speaking to you. he laughed and said that i just did in an adorable way. i told him, i felt like i had to, since he didn’t realize this. he had sent a letter, to s.c. a month after i stopped speaking to him, but i wouldn’t get that letter for 7 years.
he didn’t tell me. my neighbor had placed the letter in a drawer. after 4 years ,i did speak to him, because my chiropractor made me. then again, a few weeks later, at a synagogue on rosh hoshannah, when you have to speak to people you are not speaking to…it’s the law, but i added that was the only reason why and if i see you somewhere tomorrow,i will not be speaking to you.

back to the cowboy cafe thursday…
i went to my new condo and saturday night i was at a synagogue in another state, potomac maryland. someone walked up to me and said thursday night , you were at the cowboy cafe, in arlington.you were wearing gloves…then he went into a very long story ,telling me everything i was wearing and that i was reading the city paper. ( i was pretending to read the city paper, in the dark, so no one would come sit with me).i realized that he had been sitting at the bar with mr. mishuginah.then he said he was a writer and where he worked and it was a block from my new condo.he had the very same job as mr. mishuginah, in the same building, for the same company. could it be true ? there were three jews at a cowboy cafe, thursday? i don’t know which part was the hardest to believe, but he knew what i was wearing. he said he was worried about my ride, because he drove around the block to make sure they had come. other than your husband , you go out with three people in your life and 2 have the same exact job , less than 1000 people have this job in the world, probably closer to 200 ,and they are both jewish. we don’t even have that many unmarried jews in s.c. it was very hard to believe . they didn’t know each other and they were both sitting at the tiny bar. i asked if he was there to kidnap me: it was the strangest thing i had ever heard. two states in two days.it was a joke, but he said yes. and he did. i wasn’t afraid, because my cab driver was also a police officer.

“don’t get around much anymore”

“faded memories
i might have gone but what for
my mind’s more at ease”

chai (18) the unluckiest number

chai means life.in hebrew chai is spelled with two letters /numbers: yud (10) & chet (8). it’s supposed to be a lucky number.

every year before rosh hoshannah,the jewish new year,my father would go buy kosher hot dogs and everything,take this to the synagogague and have a cook out for men who would donate money to run the synagogue and buy aliyahs for the new year.these honors were taking out,reading and dressing the torah…..

it’s a custom of jewish people to make these donations in multples of 18.in sunday or religious school ,when i was little you could buy a tree in isreal make a donation for 18.00 in honor or memory of someone.i had a chai necklace, actually two…we had a tree of life on the wall ,when you walk into the hall of the synagogue with gold leaves and my father bought many of these leaves in multiples of 18 , in memory of relatives…my parents 41 and 45 years older than me and both of the largest jewish families in my s.c. town….so there were many leaves…somewhere on a wet moving truck in maryland ,i have a picture with my father and a shovel at the groundbreaking of the new synagogue, when i was one year old.

my father had donated in multiples of 18 , doors for sunday school rooms- 1800, 3600, stained glass windows in the sanctuary, the rabbi’s study, the hall of the sanctuary and yizkor tablets 40,000 to purchase and plaques for relatives, friends, in multiples of 18 again and many of these things my father would donate from his sisters who were widows for their husbands…. the first tablet was for my mother’s mother who died at 88 when i was 17. grandmothers die at that age.

two months later ,when i was 18 , my mother died, and half of my heart.when i was 36, my father and the rest of my heart.

royal sonesta

maybe this happens every night in new orleans, when you’re 20 years old .you go to your future brother in laws wedding at the royal somesta. the groom , a dr. , apparently, you are told needs to smoke something ,in your room ,to calm his nerves . so you run to your future in laws room, who want to know why you are upset and tell them the groom and best man are smoking marijuana. they are very understanding as always, and as upset as you.

if you think this is the most aggravation of the evening you would be wrong. the rabbi a relative of the bride cannot officiate. instead a young female rabbi is found. fast forward to the cake.the wedding date is also your fiance’s birthday, so the bride calls to him to come slice his own cake.

a few minutes later , he’s back standing next to you holding your hand again and the rabbi comes over and grabs him and kisses him, while he is still holding your hand for probably twenty minutes.it seemed like twenty, when in reality it was probably thirty. i left . at least 100 people saw this.he promised he would never get drunk again.

he said he had had 5 crown royals and 3 bloody mary’s that day.he was right.i was with him and i can count.he said she wouldn’t have been able to kiss him, had he not been drunk. a few years later,2 actually, the rabbi decided not to be a rabbi anymore, but a scuba diver.

my mind nearly exploded that a rabbi would do something like that in front of everyone.of course there was rabbi neulander who befriended a mishuginah sociopath to murder his wife. and now both are in prison.neulander is beseeching and teaching prisoners to read, i think. there are sociopaths everywhere, walker railey ,a preacher, murdered his wife also.

the worst part is,i should have left that night and also 2 dumb dr’s smoking in my room and not knowing i had asthma… just an expression. my brother in law is not dumb.

bob’s burgers:larry david specials V

larry david daily special burger :
your aunt died, but i want to go play golf this Morningstarsausage farm burger,
i have khaki tent pants ,so why not Tentedburger with aluminum foil to seal in the juices ,
don’t drink out of my glass celophane noodle shrimp and whynot porktooburger,

bob’s specials today:
“analyze this” billy crystallized ginger burger (it looks marvelous),
the jimmy falLondon broil burger ( never ever ever served with mayonnaise
he really loves this burger)
bewitched and “Beware” samantha and sammy davis jr “too close for comfort” food double burger,
“the cougar-cogat burger” another delicious pairing of courtney cox and bandleader violinist xavier cugat,
paul simon “you can call me spinach Al fredo burger,
frank sinaTravolta burger will make you sing and dance
the Brittany “Gimme More” Spears of asparagus burger,
the caspar weinberger, you guessed manischewitz wineburger,
Mama Cass t a net over this swordfishburger,
marie barone steak pizzaiola burger with homeade RAGU and Taragon sauce on panfocaccia,
rick SpringonionField served on a field of mixed greens,
and “The Closer” thank-you peppermintpattyburger with reeses pieces on the side

bob’s burgers special of the day III

bob’s burgers special today:
your choice the classic Bridget loves Bernie burger served on jewish rye with seeds or the new sitcomburger Bridget loves Bernice burger on ciabatta
larry david burger:
somebody took my chinese shrimp because it’s not kosherburger (served on challah)
jazz burgers:
baby bokchoy it’s cold outside frank loesserburger
the louisjordan ain’t nobody here but us chickens turkeyburger
there’s no place to hide in this Chuck eggplant parmesanMangione burger
dean martini roasted burger (also served with a martini)
antonio carlos jobim me up scotty whiskey burger on rye
i want you to be my baby pumpkin burger with louis jordan almonds
the lieber stoller tuna burger for 3 kool katz
fatz waller “the joint is jumpin” black eyed pea ,new year’s eve hoppin john burger

the jenna Elf man (served on a Shelf of dandelion greens with mistletoe green tomatoes) veggieburger

bob’s burgers:daily special part II

bob’s special of the day: mary hartman-which ,mary hartman-which
more larry david special burgers:
funkhauser nut burger with almond walnut and cashew
don’t play wagner at my wedding or on your lawn chia seed bagelburger
richard lewis meditation yogi urt burger served on a benadryl brownie
alta kocher chronicburger with shwag (guaranteed to keep the opthomologist away)
my dry cleaner put a hole in this burger, burger
abe vigoda gefilte “fish” burger on pumpernickel

family guy specials:
gouda night everybody loves robert loggia(served on focaccia w/ melted gouda)
you made me love you johnny muldoon tickle the ivory key lime burger
stew ie d tomato on a peter bilt burger
brian swings with nat’s frim fram sauce w/ ausen fay burger and chafafah on the side
harry bel a fontina cheese burger