Chew Tobacco Spit

Starting to grow on me
the words not the music
so hilarious.

`
don’t understand what
any of this means so i
wrote 2 country songs:

“baby you make me
want to roll my windows down
and cru uu uise”?

” talking to a red solo cup”? (aren’t you drunk )?

“chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco spit”?

“no shoes no shirt no problem”? (usually a problem)?
`
so i wrote these songs,(they’re at least haiku),like wierd al yankovic:
I

All i need is a man
who hates country music
as much as i do.

Likes blue solo cups
doesn’t spit tobacco or
tangle grandma’s yarn.

Just leaves cruise controls
to the pilots when we
get our shine on.

He’s sweeter than
Dixie Crystal sugar and tanner
than Sue Bee honey.

He’s my sweet potato
casserole with marshmallows
and brown sugar.

No shoes no shirt
no pants full service
no tattoo big problem.

II can slso be sung to dave brubeck’s take 5:

if only you didn’t
have a cross on your back
cause i’m jewish.

it’s my cross to bear
we can’t be buried together
it’s unlawful.

YOU CAN”T be buried
in a jewish cemetary
with a tattoo. chorus

why hasn’t anyone
written a song about this
in my lifetime.

it would have saved you
a lot of terrible pain
and more pain today.

You Can’t be buried
in a jewish cemetery
with a tattoo. chorus

that’s why i don’t
have one and i never will
wouldn’t if i could.

Larry David show
they had to move his mother
cemetery plot.

You Can’t be buried
in a jewish cemetery
with a tattoo…
~
(note in haiku):
( while i find larry david
the most hilarious
jew that i know.

next to mr. mishuginah
don’t enjoy the
self loathing jew bits.

mr. narcissist wants
to bribe someone changing
5000 year laws.

that is like asking
the pope to change good friday
to a thursday).

~

bob’s burgers:larry david specials V

larry david daily special burger :
your aunt died, but i want to go play golf this Morningstarsausage farm burger,
i have khaki tent pants ,so why not Tentedburger with aluminum foil to seal in the juices ,
don’t drink out of my glass celophane noodle shrimp and whynot porktooburger,

bob’s specials today:
“analyze this” billy crystallized ginger burger (it looks marvelous),
the jimmy falLondon broil burger ( never ever ever served with mayonnaise
he really loves this burger)
bewitched and “Beware” samantha and sammy davis jr “too close for comfort” food double burger,
“the cougar-cogat burger” another delicious pairing of courtney cox and bandleader violinist xavier cugat,
paul simon “you can call me spinach Al fredo burger,
frank sinaTravolta burger will make you sing and dance
the Brittany “Gimme More” Spears of asparagus burger,
the caspar weinberger, you guessed manischewitz wineburger,
Mama Cass t a net over this swordfishburger,
marie barone steak pizzaiola burger with homeade RAGU and Taragon sauce on panfocaccia,
rick SpringonionField served on a field of mixed greens,
and “The Closer” thank-you peppermintpattyburger with reeses pieces on the side

bob’s burgers special of the day III

bob’s burgers special today:
your choice the classic Bridget loves Bernie burger served on jewish rye with seeds or the new sitcomburger Bridget loves Bernice burger on ciabatta
larry david burger:
somebody took my chinese shrimp because it’s not kosherburger (served on challah)
jazz burgers:
baby bokchoy it’s cold outside frank loesserburger
the louisjordan ain’t nobody here but us chickens turkeyburger
there’s no place to hide in this Chuck eggplant parmesanMangione burger
dean martini roasted burger (also served with a martini)
antonio carlos jobim me up scotty whiskey burger on rye
i want you to be my baby pumpkin burger with louis jordan almonds
the lieber stoller tuna burger for 3 kool katz
fatz waller “the joint is jumpin” black eyed pea ,new year’s eve hoppin john burger

the jenna Elf man (served on a Shelf of dandelion greens with mistletoe green tomatoes) veggieburger

bob’s burgers:daily special part II

bob’s special of the day: mary hartman-which ,mary hartman-which
more larry david special burgers:
funkhauser nut burger with almond walnut and cashew
don’t play wagner at my wedding or on your lawn chia seed bagelburger
richard lewis meditation yogi urt burger served on a benadryl brownie
alta kocher chronicburger with shwag (guaranteed to keep the opthomologist away)
my dry cleaner put a hole in this burger, burger
abe vigoda gefilte “fish” burger on pumpernickel

family guy specials:
gouda night everybody loves robert loggia(served on focaccia w/ melted gouda)
you made me love you johnny muldoon tickle the ivory key lime burger
stew ie d tomato on a peter bilt burger
brian swings with nat’s frim fram sauce w/ ausen fay burger and chafafah on the side
harry bel a fontina cheese burger
12/30