“bring me” haiku in the pool and keep the 200 year flood

`

“it’s like bath water”
a nickel for every time
“bring me bar of soap”

“if you could bring me
back a meatball sub for dessert
that would be good”

he was having thai
his in-laws olive garden
the best of both worlds

thai seasons haiku
he wanted olive garden
i wanted pad thai

so i asked his wife
directions to thai seasons
thank him for haiku

he was offering
sweet tea vodka lemonade
you say no thank-you

but then you wonder
simply having no idea
was that one or three

the answer was two
you enjoy the lemonade
floating in window

“i was looking for
my daughter and her husband
have they been gone long”

several hours since
you show her they are still here
she has to bend down

the whole family
should write a book of haiku
my fingers are wet

they stood in the rain
barely drizzling outside
on your sunglasses

“ray charles everyone
he can’t see you but he can
hear you, make some noise”

it was a mistake
the pool shouldn’t be heated
he hit the wrong switch

did i mention that
i would like to have pad thai
“body of baker”

`
* day one / the flood of 2015

secret service ducks

.
secret service ducks
surrounding me on all sides
laughing yet afraid

would like soft sunbeam
southern ducks call this white bread
couldn’t be closer

claustrophobia
mallard tickles your ankles
please throw us the dough

half a loaf of bread
my twenty secret service
still following me

beginning in pond
underhanded pitching fowl
not good at baseball

realize and surround
when everything is gone
they will not leave my sides

a circle of trust
like the fockers but literal
obama men

you guys take your job
so seriously you should
work for president

palms show ducks no more
they will not leave my back
following two inches

fly back in the pond
follow me single file
from top of the water

perhaps a cooter
they think a lone turtle
or his gang stage hold up

come to think by sea
promised an answer sunday
buy tennis villa

“where will i go
what will become of me”
need scarlett o’hara

having entire
pool and large ocean to myself
so i shall think

.

Pregnant OCD Dolphin


my pregnant ocd dolphin
gambles on love
all the wrong places

keep your baby in
don’t gamble state lottery
break a dolphin’s heart

seriously
who pays for stupid commercials
south carolina

you can’t even watch
a half hour comedy
all four commercials

heartbreaking also
leaving those out we’re trying
to watch comedy

first someone tells you not to feed the dolphin. if i was a dolphin, i would say how dare you sir. how dare you take food from my mouth & my baby.

then, some lady, with a hairdo from 1950, who still lives there, says you shouldn’t play the lottery it’s addictive.
you’re kidding lady? i think we have known that since 1900.
if they are addicted, they aren’t going to be watching you: they are out gambling. and if they are, they need help from a therapist, a psychiatrist, not you. your suggestion will not help. why don’t you spend your money on homeless , feeding poor and taking care of animals.

stupid sociopath mingling ,meddling match company. how dare you say you speak for g-d. prey on dumb people, with your narcissistic advertising dribble. all other match companies are bad. only use us.g-d wants you to only give us your money, because he only tells us who your match should be. WOW.
you know what g-d stopped talking to people 5000 years ago. if you think g-d is talking to you. you need to go directly to a psychiatrist. my blood boils when i hear your ,what should be criminal brainwashing. why are you allowed on tv!
i feel like 99% of the large companies with shareholders are sociopaths, even if they aren’t human.
the humans that run them, often aren’t human: tobacco, cars that kill you, dog food that’s poison …

as for the last commercial ; how many people could you possibly be referring to, 1 % , when you say: “don’t push your delivery date up” . someone do the math. if you know it’s bad, don’t you think the obgyn knows this. i mean i’m just guessing, but a dr. would have to come up with this information, in order for you to know, so why do we need a middleman? don’t you think her dr. can tell her?
of this 1% , how many people don’t have a dr. did you pay money to tell 1/2 of a person, who might be at home watching tv?
should i go back in time, & tell my mother-in-law no. do not let your dr. induce labor so he can go on vacation. i laughed when she told me.

(there was no other dr. the population of this small s.c. town was 500 when i was 18 & this early labor happened ,before i was born).

.

Lovely Summer Day I

~
“just one look at you
and the world’s alright with me”
it’s a lovely day

even though it’s pizza friday
in bitter ben’s world
thursday in ours

three months of pizza
and i’ve only had it once
in my birthday suit

” today i don’t feel
like doing anything
just want to lay in bed ”

banana boat flies
on a waveless ocean
like a waveless mattress

from now on i declare
it will rain four hours
before they say so

have just arrived
very dark but it’s not supposed
to rain until six

DJ always stands
how he gets his exercise
on taco friday

limbo contest
he’ll be out there in fifteen
although no one else here

this new
three kites floating parallel
to each other and one falls down

trying to fly
on top of each other
i knew call the CIA

hopping on pine needles
more and more tiny birds beat
“hey soul sister”

wind glorious wind
i love you more than ice cream
blow out the candle

” they’ve got the beat
they’ve got the beat they’ve got the beat
yeah they got the beat ”

no one played this
just popped into my head
some type of haiku music

“because i’m happy”
don’t bring me down condo
the fourth time is the charm

i know , i JUST moved
three times since i’ve had this site
tennis villa hails

.

No Jellyfish Dancing Rain

.
tattoo down your spine
every vertebrae is green
quite an adjustment

if you want pain
just go to the chiropractor
masochistic spine

” remember the entertainment
you got last night ”
taps me on shoulder

remember too well
not haiku entertainment
dancing rain

looks like a lobster
are my sunglasses red tint
well done on both sides

go inside mr.
pool will not stop sun’s rays
not even three bells

elephant flotation device
pretzels in your fingers
flapping arms

boy can’t quit singing
all fall down to his sister
he’s four and she’s five

someone killed ten thousand bees
will life end as we know it
down the road

expects more to die
obviously his HOA
lawsuit against

italian ice
” twenty dollars in my pocket ”
blue tongue finally

missy asked me
if i was writing poetry
she would love a book

not a bad idea
tourists from everywhere
ten copies every week

i jump off the tram
” woah where are you going ”
to live with my ducklings

point at cigarette
always chose flight over switch
she said oh i’ll walk

she would rather walk
than put out cigarette
lightning all around

that’s a good reason
to sue RJR right there
addictive con men

know it’s illegal
smoking on transportation
was better to run

just as bad as her
rather get hit by lightning
poor oxygen- less soul

.

(sixth poem in three days
about horrors of smoking
ruin your lungs and life

living in paradise
horror of tobacco
fight you til you die)

.

pelicans prefer pecan pie

.
pairing pelicans
flying high to their love nest
glide over palm trees

kite flies above birds
” we’re gonna last forever ”
” best days of our life ”

want to jump the fence
see how the other half lives
he’ll bring back pictures

taste better nibbles
cabanas like Burn Notice
musical daylight

giant chess pieces
middle of saltwater pool
as tall as i am

on the oceanfront
six thousand dollars a week
princes send camels

south bound wagon wheels
things that you can do without
” any way you feel ”

let me count the ways
we don’t like country music
don’t ” rock me mamma ”

billy jean rocks you
” forty days and forty nights ”
M J white glove test

” stop and eat your hamburger
that’s what’s the matter with you
you’re hungry ”

as the rain pours down
in seventeen syllables
grandmother speaking

” Jake eat the burger
and then we will go dive in ”
silly little prune

the pool is like glass
they made a break for it
i have an umbrella

only passenger
gentleman dries red golf cart
your carriage awaits

.

seaside feng shui

“walk it by yourself”
to the left and the right
sugar bear’s too tired

feng shui little boy
rearranging furniture
half size of my chair

what strength you have
tiny three year old moving every
chair except mine

everyone with their hat
feeling like i’m at the
kentucky derby

men charleston chapeau
women wear giant straw hats
pink over forty

my father always
“don’t you need a little hat”
well maybe i do

winter and summer
seven to thirty six years
i’m not starting now

even though last year
someone gave me a gift hat
rather have gift horse

large owner’s closet
someone left me new dog bowls
and a brand new leash

but there was no dog
looked everywhere for puppy
not one to be found

are you buying
someone else’s troubles when you buy
furnished condo

not like an old car
only problem getting rid of theirs
bring in yours

saxophone calling
“we’re in this world together”
come float with music

once i bought a hat
went to orthodox synagogue
rabbi said no

you want to marry?
no i certainly do not
i was just divorced

apparently
only married women wear hats
i’m conservative

of course not with hats
i purposely bought that hat
wear to orthodox

men and women can’t
sit together because men
can’t control themselves?

oh the mishegas
if i couldn’t sit with my
mother and father!

i would shoot myself
thank goodness born when i was
feel tallis tassels

orthodox parents
basically that’s all there was
when they were little

luckily they grew up
across the street from each other
in greenville

holding hands services
in the sixties after
conservative built

twenty years marriage
then they’re allowed to sit
together services

but not very long
only thirty nine years
til death destroys numbers