Turnaround And You’re Jim Cramer

~
“oh not so it really is
turnaround tuesday
pretty impressive”

“there was not a memo
for a bake off with nardella
get memo”

“The bears are in a
cave in a den and it’s
claustrophobic right now”

“it’s like we don’t want
tuna with good taste we want
tuna that tastes good”

Josh on CNBC

“market behaving
perfectly rationally
sector by sector”

“Turn Around” Lyrics

“where are you going
my little one turn around
and you’re a young man”

_

baking dozen thirteen

“when you’re fourteen
the world is a very confusing
and sexy place”

Ray Barone to his mother
`

“i’m a bad father
like ernest hemingway or
some other writer”

Peter Griffin / Family Guy
`

“george always says that
one woman like me is enough
for any man”

Gracie
`

“just so the ice cream
doesn’t go to waste i think
you better eat it”

Ward Cleaver to Beaver
`

“you’re all a bunch of
pigs i smell bacon this whole
place reeks of bacon”

“and guess what I’m
going kosher cause jerkey don’t
dig on swine wo oo”

Brooklyn 9-9
`

“if i’m gonna be
a donor i’d rather give
it to the red cross”

mosquitoes / Petticoat Junction
`

“when i go to heaven
will i be anatomically
correct”

Raising Hope
`

“you need to take a
step closer to the world
we are living in ”

About A Boy
`

“I’ve looked into the
eyes of traitors before casey
you’re no traitor”

Person Of Interest
`

“look my contempt is
not with the U S it’s always
been with Russia”

The Blacklist
`

“soon you’ll grow into
your grandfather’s shoes
you can be dangerous too”

Maude
`

“if you’re ever in
Japan look me up we’ll take
a bath together”
`

Bob Newhart

With Twelve You Get Gracie

“there are two things that
make a marriage successful
man and a woman”

Gracie
`

“i never make up
my mind to go anywhere
until i am there”

Gracie
`

“she came as a witch
on a broomstick and she tried
to ride side saddle”

Gracie
`
“the recipe said
to separate two eggs
those were her very words”

Mrs. Sommers to her psychiatrist about Gracie

so gracie asked blanch
to take one egg to her house
she kept the other
`

mrs. sommers
cracking up because of all
the things that gracie says

he did not believe
gracie was a real person
not a sharp crayon

“trained observer
i can’t imagine anyone
more normal than you”

Psychiatrist to Gracie
`

my ocean eleven

“this is dr.
frasier crane reminding everyone
life is too short”

Frasier
`

“don’t know why i’m
always getting my britches caught
in my own pitch fork”

Andy Griffith
`

“if this mime turns me
gay i am going to start
bringing gay guys home”

Peter to Lois / Family Guy
`

“if you’re planning on
showing up with your cold feetS
tonight forget it”

Green Acres
`

“your little girl seems
to be getting the better
of my little boy”

Family Affair
`

“Raising Hope was not
filmed in front of a live
studio audience”

Raising Hope
`

“he needs to eat
ten thousand calories a day
maintain muscle mass”

Brooklyn 9-9
`

“how come you can’t talk
about me behind my back
like other mothers”

Darlene on Roseanne
`

“i’ve never seen
a cowboy pulling a wagon
full of sandwiches”

Andy Griffith
`

“you know that’s amazing
how you would know that
off the top of your head”

Castle
`

“my father brought my
mother here on their first date
changed names couple times”

Person Of Interest
`

lifeguard flip flops

everything funny
begins and ends at walmart
this may be the end

walmart for people
with very large shoes to fill
elevens only

flipping in the sand
one year four sizes too big
stolen one hour

twenty dollar flip
not three dollar walmart pair
did you lose something

yes lost my temper
you look like you lost something
very observant

a pair of lifeguards
deducing thoughts in your head
WAVElength frequency

Next Day

“find stolen shoes
next time leave at life guard stand”
WERE TWO FEET BEHIND you

“we don’t look behind us”
you watch people’s shoes?
“well no not really”

“but who is going
to steal from the lifeguard stand”
a sociopath ?

central synanogue , martin luther king, rabbi saperstein

Central Synagogue

it’s the jewish Glee
singing brings such happiness
always soul music

you haven’t lived
until you hear Neshama
band and green pastures
`
Neshama was grammy nominated and her father was an orthodox rabbi & composer of possibly five thousand songs. i never know what will happen next at central synagogue . they are firsts in everything. Rabbi Angela Buchdahl is the first asian american female ordained rabbi (2001) and cantor (1999).

both cantors ,Julia Katz and Rabbi Buchdahl, have the most beautiful voices you have ever heard.

someone made a joke about how getting jews to clap on two & four was an accomplishment, march 14th, by Reverend Roger Hambrick’s choir. i’ve never had that problem as a musician ,although clapping on shabbos by a conservative
is also an accomplishment.it wasn’t dark since the time changed. i doubt if anyone reading this knows what i’m saying at this point, but i am very thankful to be able to have you friday and saturday, because there is no such thing as conservative or orthodox streaming on shabbos.
one week it’s Martin Luther King shabbos.the next you may sing adon alom to a seventies sitcom song.my favorite is ya lalalala lo cho do di! and now jewish & baptist religions unite in song and a gospel choir sings
in hebrew. such wonderful music. there would be no war if everyone could pray or sing together.

Rabbi David Saperstein spoke in haiku on the night he visited:

“We Must Not Be Too Late”

“for arab and israeli
women who have lost
too many children”

“for children who don’t
have enough to eat in this
country of ours”

“for fifty year olds
who cannot find jobs
in this economy”

“for homeless on the
street for millions in poverty
in this country”

conscious jim cramer streaming

“mechanical rabbit
i once went to a dog track
dogs going nuts”

war

“what is it good for
many restaurant companies
what is not to like”

public “doing well
cost of food is going down
preserve their value”

“go buy a cezanne
get one at martin lawrence”
mentions whole foods

.

“heinz when you do good
hunts on a bad week
grape juice mixed with water

things are very bad tang
hellman’s when it’s good”
we always had duke’s

seventeen bottles
of heinz in the cabinet
ninety nine cent sale

perhaps funnier
seventeen bottles for three
heinz or nothing please

what kind of restaurant
does not serve heinz apparently
mcdonalds?

i’m heading to pittsburgh
because their mcdonalds
presents you with heinz

___
the first four from may
haiku attorney cramer
no action old tips

out of order too
that’s what i had to do
make this a fun haiku

who said that

who said everything
happens for a reason not
marilyn monroe

`
that which does not kill
us makes us stronger another
stupid saying

__
everytime i hear
these idiotic expressions
infuriates

until a few months ago, i thought “everything happens for a reason” was some religious saying. then i discover marilyn monroe quoted this,from probably someone else in this lifetime. people give her credit.

it was probably charles lederer , screenwriter ,who said this first, not the heavens, a human person.
people have been fooling me, saying this to me , all of my life .
lederer was jewish and irish ,so why do people always use this to try to convert me.

what in the world would marilyn monroe know about philosophy. neither do i, but heaven help the next person , who says this to me. you guessed :out the window they go.
i mean if you break both legs in an accident ,then you are in pain for the rest of your life, you are weaker.
you have a new fear of cars. i have never broken anything, but i have been in so many car wrecks, i think i have the right to say this.

if it doesn’t kill you over & over ,you don’t become stronger, but angrier, fearful,sad…maybe if it happens once.but the expression doesn’t say once. it is used in the plural ,whenever i hear this.

i place them together , because they go together. they are said at the same time, even though Fredrich Nietzsche said the latter.


* i wasn’t going to use this today & then three minutes ago, some psychopathic coach on law and order SVU just said “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”,so now i’m mad and i have to say this. that coach belongs under the prison. i am so tired of all the sociopaths on tv.

i’m going to make a tv show where nothing bad ever happens. everyone is always happy. no one is ill.an entire channel is what i want.

be there , haiku tv

“would you like a brazillian
for your landing gear
i like a big bush”

Very Small Business
_
“oh mrs. barone
why are you taking your clothes off
i’m the dentist ”

Everybody Loves Ray
___

“but you are a man
spirit flows through us we’re all
estro geniuses”

Bob’s Burgers

___
“what the bloody ell
are you talking about matthew
need a lie down ”

The Librarians

___
“i want small olives
the little ones make the sandwiches
look bigger ”

George & Gracie
___

“sitting there watching
you coo over my pigeon
it looks delicious”
`
“gorgeous wonderful
that’s very sexy chocolate
it’s good actually”
`
“come come mr. bond
do you get as much pleasure
from killing as i ”
`
“your mussel broth sir”
“imagine that being cooked
in your own juices ”
`
“the pork belly
has made me kind of amorous
yeah it will do that”

The Trip
___

“in life there is no
such thing as a perfect
time for anything”

Castle
___

“one time i played seven
minutes in heaven i
was hit by a bus”

Two Broke Girls
___

haiku tv where you want to be

“i always hear people
brag about how their carpet
matches their drapes ”

Raising Hope
___

“i want to kiss you
but what about your husband
can kiss him later ”

Maude
___

“let’s go talk about
your case the case of how you
got so damn sexy ”

`
“happy birthday you
sly old fox how many spankings
is it this year”

Brooklyn -99
___

” don’t punish yourself
at least you are deep enough
to know you’re shallow ”

`
“what are you going
to do force me to bring back
your dead relatives ”

Frasier
___

“you once picked a fight
with your own reflection after
having only two ”
(beer)
`
“everybody hang
on to Dottie’s seat belt it’s
the only good one ”

the Middle
___

“just last week i helped
a prince from Nigeria
track down his fortune ”

Mike & Molly

___

“i do have a
favorite and it’s you
girl please no seriously”

(favorite child – Dick Butkus)

The Neighbors

___

“the way we see it
a man is only as big
as gun he carries ”

Family Guy “Death Lives”
NRA or some fictitious gun group
___

___