you may have fibromyalgia if

your restaurant reviews look like this:

the seats were MARVELOUS!

the first time i ever waited for a chocolate souffle

the cushioning in the booth was fantastic ,like a cloud

could have sat there all night long

we could have even waited 24 hours for the peking duck
to fly in and join us for after dinner drinks

i give this restaurant 5 out of five stars

like a tempurpedic mattress

the food ? oh who knows doesn’t matter

sitting on a cloud
only time you can think
cushioning all around

mr mishuginah II and bubbulah

picks up my shih tzu
they watch seinfeld together
make funny poses.

i take their photos
in my mother’s rocking chair
she sits on his head.

she allows posing
upside down in his arms
cradled close to floor.

way to watch seinfeld
piggy back on his shoulders
they are so funny.

then he says hello
sometimes during commercials
realizing i’m there.

he kisses my arm
like gomez adams but he
never kisses me.

day two calls doctor
article in newspaper
CFIDS contagious? ( see fids )

my doctor tells him
nine nine point nine percent sure
isn’t contagious.

doesn’t believe him
top doctor in his field
calls other doctors.

italian restaurant
said he loves me because i’m
friends with old people.

he’s cold at pizza hut
covers his head with coat
while we eat dinner.

D.C. three years later
seinfeld still on at seven
while we eat dinner.

still no hello until
commercials that’s when
i’m allowed to speak.

once instead of hello
he said you cook better
than my mother did.

Friday/two bikini’s a troll doll a bellman & 2 weddings

two bikini’s
on the shore “savin lives
tryin anyway”

older bikini
tells me as the younger threw
starfish back in

“your husband
probably loves that you
have laryngitis”.

“you’re not married
probably a good thing?
i don’t know”.

“yeah they’ve got
SUSHI & all that stuff
at our restaurant”.

what a VEGETARIAN is
myrtle beach.

couldn’t even write haiku
died laughing

lady’s hair blown
exactly like troll doll
gray with black roots.

if i had her picture
wouldn’t even have to
write haiku.
pink rose petals
line boardwalk watermelon crawl
a wedding

muses in waiting

forty and fifty eight
neither can take me to
chinese restaurant

placemats say they
are my mortal enemies
multiples of six

one muse hates math
both in different time zones
keep me company

from seven in the
morning until two am
two swell guys

one called bitter
other loves painting, poetry
writing ,dogs.

dolphin jazz

saxophone stops
that’s not country music
chef proposes

have some chicken
it’s vegetarian
“this out to gamecocks.

georgia on my mind”
vegetarian chicken
you guys crack me up.

“this song is called Sugar
Sugar is hard
and so am i”.

mullet are jumping
seriously liking song
much more than i do.

where did all the jazz go?
cartwheels around mullet

undulating beams
watching dazzling creatures
twenty feet high.
“ `
“Kokomo” The Beach Boys

“We’ll Go Out to Sea
Defy Gravity”

“Bodies in the SAND
We’ll Be Falling In Love
Down in Kokomo”.
` ` `
(quotes are actual
haiku comments from
saxophone player .
my Mother and my Sister
are Georgia Bulldogs
i’m a paladin.
no one knows what
that is but it’s purple
like the pill nexium).

Speaking of Myrtle Beach

Hotel Tales

in ninth grade, my best friend went with us to litchfield.the most delicious seafood  at myrtle beach comes from murrell’s inlet, so every night, you stood in line night at drunken jacks, we waited in line and the hosteess called smith party of six. this man said party of five, one of us died waiting in line.that was the funniest joke, i had ever heard in my life. i could not stop laughing, to eat was so true , you could spend your life waiting in line for should get in line, before you are hungry.

the next day we were on the beach and this tiny lady bent over and covered her eyes and saluted and yelled down the beach  is that you errin spelling. it was my 9th grade english teacher, from greenville,s.c five years later, one day my fiance and i were fishing at this lake in spartanburg, and this woman came home and said she was the owner of the house and  we knew each other .she was my german,german teacher from greenville  and she hugged me. well she never hugged me at school. in fact she asked me why my people couldn’t keep new york clean.i had never even been to new york.

two years later, in a gift shop in kingstree s.c., my mother in law and i were shopping, when this woman came in and i heard her speaking to the sales was driving me crazy, that i knew her voice and i could remember her calling my name and i could not figure out who she was, all day. my mother in law called people and found out her name and only then did i realize she was my 12th grade english was strange seeing all 3 in different towns .

Universal Orlando Hotel Tales

today ,at a universal restaurant ,first i showed I and R the expiration date on my quaker oats from 2009.not a good thing considering,i have only been here since october 27th of 2011.they said they have had similar expiration problems at that store.a few minutes later, I. walked by my table and made a face ,saying  health inspector. then R. walked by and made the same exact face.a few minutes later the manager was shaking and wringing his hands and whispered the health inspectors are here. i said i, i am starting to get worried, because everyone is upset.should we be eating here? yes, everything was alright, but apparently managers get upset during inspections, and take this out on the waitressess.i thought everything would be alright..

then i reached for a strawberry on a stick to dip in chocolate but instead got a splinter.then i was drinking a glass of water and swallowed a lemon seed. luckily when i coughed it flew across the table.then i tried to open the door ,to the ladies room at the hotel and it was locked. i waited a few minutes and it was still locked, but this time i saw a sticker next to the door , that said pet inside.i really didn’t want to ask is there a pet inside the ladies room, but no there was not. it was someone’s attempt at a joke.i thought it was a very funny joke.