my ocean eleven

“this is dr.
frasier crane reminding everyone
life is too short”

Frasier
`

“don’t know why i’m
always getting my britches caught
in my own pitch fork”

Andy Griffith
`

“if this mime turns me
gay i am going to start
bringing gay guys home”

Peter to Lois / Family Guy
`

“if you’re planning on
showing up with your cold feetS
tonight forget it”

Green Acres
`

“your little girl seems
to be getting the better
of my little boy”

Family Affair
`

“Raising Hope was not
filmed in front of a live
studio audience”

Raising Hope
`

“he needs to eat
ten thousand calories a day
maintain muscle mass”

Brooklyn 9-9
`

“how come you can’t talk
about me behind my back
like other mothers”

Darlene on Roseanne
`

“i’ve never seen
a cowboy pulling a wagon
full of sandwiches”

Andy Griffith
`

“you know that’s amazing
how you would know that
off the top of your head”

Castle
`

“my father brought my
mother here on their first date
changed names couple times”

Person Of Interest
`

bashful dancing scandal roseanne

do you have nightmares
having to dance by yourself
you missed dancing school

go to make up class
just you and one cute boy
yankee doodle dandy

this really happened
but he was in the wrong class
missing because ill

so embarrassing
“my yankee doodle sweetheart”
mothers saying cute

but now i wake up
the nightmare is waking up
realize you are ill

has happened a lot
over the last fourteen years
everyone staring

silly recurring
wishing you could go to class
trade off bashfulness

but scary nightmares
husband said like steven king
never ever seen

people write nightmares
wise man told me to forget
a brilliant idea

i quit watching scandal
nightmare about roseanne barr
realizing why

olivia cut
tracking chip from mother’s back
roseanne dug mine out

haiku tv four or 3184 or something

“don’t condemn a
whole group of people for the
actions of a few”

Archie Bunker said this

`
“get Psychology Today
tomorrow, get Tomorrow’s
Health today”

Bob Newhart
`
“Herb she’s married her
legs are no longer under
your jurisdiction”

The Mothers-In-Law
`
“you are a scorpion
and every word out of
your mouth is a lie”

Covert Affairs
`
“now i’ve never heard
of a reverting dog who
didn’t stay that way”

Columbo
`
“believe me no one
wanted to give you a baby
more than i did”

General Hospital
`
“i haven’t said
anything in two days and
nobody even cared”

D J on Roseanne
`
“he can hate brussel
sprouts, he can hate white people
he can’t hate football”

King of Queens
`
“you have two hours
to collect your belongings
and leave the country”

“this isn’t a test
case Rick it’s how we do business
it’s what we do”

The Assets
`
“do you need a math
tutor because the department
will provide one”

“shot in line duty
ouch you ran over my foot
incredible pain”

Brooklyn Nine Nine
`
“i have no idea
what either of you are doing
but let’s shut up”

Uncle Junior (sopranos) as judge on Good Wife
`
“bring five dollars for
gas and change your shoes you may
have to push the car”

Axl to Sue on The Middle
`