man without a country

sweet weather channel
every time it rains inside
every twelve seconds

just like last monday
another piece slips away
you did it again

saturday forecast
will never understand you
could have reached blue sea

dummy sitting here
shopping silicone lining
royal blue cookie sheets

amazon bakeware
hurricane winter pastry
emergency cakes

first task check weather
as a good little girl should
you’re not fooling me

high sixty seven
you say this at eleven
two p m is high

so why at five uhr
on the ten day forecast page
was SEVENTY THREE

at twelve twenty five
I could have gonE TO The BEACH
people shout haiku

four long months inside
aggravated by movers
every single day

moving in the snow
hurricane when i moved in
weather just hates me

in seven short days
buying vacation condo
renting to tourists

i’m glad i didn’t
waste time hiring a
management company

five minutes ago
realized i have to live there
molding glass ceiling

how can it not be
rained in all of december
raccoons keep tearing

it’s raining right now
have not thought about packing
can’t do that again

can you tell me why
d j ‘s play sad music
foggy and rainy out

PLAY BOOGIE FEVER
don’t play LIES OF HANDSOME MEN
need Brubeck’s take five

the sun just came out
heard that song for a year already
that’s enough

dear weather channel

i love that you state three reasons you do not have email.

here’s a fourth : people would complain about how you are always wrong .

that wasn’t my reason . i wanted to ask you to please stop with the overwhelming tragic pictures . what’s wrong with you. who wants to see this. you can only fit 6 hours of tempertatures on the page , beacause there are a million
heartbreaking ads , you cannot help but see. i’m going to find weather somewhere else. start my own weather station.

i could guess better. how can you be 8 degrees off.there isn’t one day where ,you are right. you cannot even agree with yourself, the tv version of you – the weather channel.have you ever heard of a meteorologist? if my brother -in-law , who is one and a CPA wasn’t retired , i would ask him to please let’s start our own channel. he won an award , as a meteorologist , in georgia.

this is typical. you say the high would be 63
at 2 pm, then on your 10 day forecast at 4 pm , it says the high today was 71 at 1:21. you know you do this.
almost everyday ,like yesterday you said the high would be 69 & only for 2 hours, but it was 71 before even reaching the high.

what i really don’t understand is why the tv gives florence temperatures mainly ,which is 1 & 1/2 hours away.
is that a big tourist area? it takes 5 minutes for you to show the wrong temperature here for 4 seconds..i’m not exaggerating.are you afraid someone in myrtle beach may see the wrong temperatures you show?

i also love when you say it will not rain until 4 pm..0% chance & at 2:20 pm a cement trash can blows across the landing
and tries to knock me down, because the rain is coming in from 4 sides. there’s 2 inches of water on the cement at the pool. you have to hide ,with 6 people , inside the beach umbrella lockers, also in 2 inches of water blowing inside. you can’t close the door because you have bronchitis.

bikini or coat
how do we know what to wear
eight degree difference

a few months ago
warm on the balcony
bikini and sunscreen

twenty mph
wind blowing inside front door
fault not always yours

duck duck duck seagull

pierre stands behind
to the right favorite spot
two inches behind

how do you know him
because all ducks look alike
he will push your knee

game that children play
taking bread from my fingers
every other duck

saltwater swimming
paddling their feet while eating
suddenly seagulls

crash landing flapping
scare everyone taking bread
away darling ducks

motionless afraid
ducks pretend they are statues
looking for hitchcock

i am so afraid
of him even though i’ve never
seen his movies

i imagine this
ducks are imagining too
unfriendly seagulls

no they aren’t imagining
ducks experiencing
seagulls pecking

–
john writes friends at work
december i’m at the beach
seventy seven

of course jealousy
then everyone grows colder
i explain the wind

13 m.p.h.
ten day forecast is shocking
checks out on their phones

have i turned into
weather channel ask bitter ben
he will tell you
–
why do we yell fore
golf course hit on the noggin
look ahead beware

low tide puppy tennis

11/16

lots of asses in
the sand literally
and figuratively.
`
dog perks up as he
sees his brother of
another color arrive.
`

found a lonely
minnow floating on ocean’s cork
without fisherman

you lose a minnow
“where the heck did you find that
no but i’ll take it ”

catch anything yet
“no it’s a pretty day not
to catch something though”

“pretty weather for
a day in november huh”
states the obvious

11/17
I
he’s cleaning beach pool
asked how long i had been there
had i heard swearing

said that he was dumb
put the pump in bass ackwards
i said i was dumb

yesterday i walked
behind a couple reading
thought i could be spy

six inches behind
quietly they never looked up
wait why no sound

had forgotten my
flip flops much like omg
i just did again.
`
II

came up behind me
lady and her chihuahua
deserted beach spot

we were both looking
said she had been watching me
she looked at my top

called me “silly goose”
obviously a james bond shirt
intricate puzzle

as lost as i was
don’t know how i put it on
she wished me good luck.

i’m still standing here
in my bikini trying
to put on this top .

11/18

eighty one degrees
mostly cloudy means the sun
never ever fades .

ocean parallel
father serves tennis ball for
black dog with white spots

after catching ball
ritual running all the
way to the ocean

wildly circles lap
with tennis ball in his mouth
lays on his towel

next to his bottle
tail asks father pour water
back for ten more serves

waiting on his towel
his tail never stops wagging
perrier in bowl.

summer with J

as far as you can
see hundreds on sand waiting
for citizenship

what country please
we swam a very long way
eye of the storm

jellies everywhere
translucent hot pink ribbons
each different motif

one tiny bubble
shaped like baby octopus
totally clear

giant pink hearts
sporting two long tentacles
twelve inches long

circular brown
triangular his outer
different from others

floating butterfly
saltwater in your veins
one in every crowd

finally got it up
troubles with his blue kite
flying in the sky
`
” Bodies in the sand
to get away from it all = beach boys / kokomo
where we wanna go ”

summer with an S & starfish

i found a starfish
wanted to place him deeper
perfectly healthy

the diagnosis
remembered two bikinis
saving one life hey

i have bikini
mr mullet can go deep
saving starfish life

little boy stops me
angler wanted the starfish
not to save his life

he said they can’t live
washing ashore is not good
can’t leave their coral.

i say poppycock
only bikinis can save
starfish it seems.
`

sea sun swim splash
surfing shells sauna sip
suntan shower sleep

senora sundae
salmon swordfish strawberry
sandals shorts sup
`
The Lift

third floor please exit
shaking head no wrong floor
they keep motioning

no i want first
you will not fool me this time
“coming from the beach ?

well you’re dressed like it”
no i’m going TO the beach
you had two guesses

(if i’m going down
and my hair isn’t wind blown
and i am not wet)

“how long have you been
here” one year and four weeks
i talk in haiku .
`
Waterfall

i see you cutie
don’t have to bite my finger off
or jump for the bread

ducks are like dogs
see how close we can stand
wiggle our tails.
`
Speaking Of Tails

when i was supping
brother in law a dentist
dining on a tail

i was horrified
said hoping i wouldn’t see
a delicacy

fish was caught by moi
no one to blame but myself
husband who taught me.
`

Sunshine On My Shoulder Makes Me Sunburned

computer said zero
percent chance of rain until
seven p m

one thirty drizzling
on my toes very wet
raindrops sunglasses

clouds blowing fast
will stop in a few minutes
sunshine appears

Bad bad bad storm or thirteen lives

one million haiku
from april and may never
-ending yesterday.

i think grandma won the funniest haiku contest yesterday.she may have topped men who say the darndest things in haiku.
not my grandma, because i was 22, when mine was 99.oldest jewish person in s.c., a few years earlier.

grandma grandpa their son,the d j & i were waiting for a storm to pass,in the gazebo,like idiots.it was like a hurricane.

i heard her tell grandpa ;

(your ipad don’t half work
she wanted him to stay
was a big mistake)

“You know you’d rather
be out here with this pretty
lady
.
.
.
and me”.

she laughed at her joke
then we spent three hours
blown around by storm.

cement trash can
by cement pond blew across
floor almost hit me.

water up to ankles
rain from three directions
wet t shirt contest.
~
the d j wrote a haiku too & he doesn’t even know :

“Exchanging of numbers
a summer ritual
at myrtle beach”.

why do people speak in 17 syllables and why do i count ?
(omg that was also a haiku.i can’t help it . i need dr bombay).
`
blackbirds fly pouring
rain chewing hamburger buns
french fries and cheetos.

three blackbirds squawking
palm tree can’t withstand fighting
topples over.
`
“Toes ” Zac Brown Band

“i’m leaving G A
body’s been kissed by the sun
ass in the sand”.

“toes in the water
i’m not going back again
cold beer in my hand”

temperature anyone

the weather channel

you are so mishuginah

never get it right.

myrtle beach has 3 weather channels, including the weather channel.you can check all 4 , including the computer. each has a different temperature within 8 degrees at the same minute in time. and i really enjoy when the high for the day says 65 ,the highest high of any channel. then at 11 pm a news commercial appears and tells you the high today was 75.

after 6 months, i said wait a minute? the weather channel TWC on tv , isn’t that the same as my computer? yes it is.they both always have different temperatures, every single day. yesterday the high was supposed to be 70 and at 3 and 4 pm. TWC on tv , said it was 72 degrees at 11 am…so how do you have a higher than high of the day , 5 hours before the high of the day,and the same channel… i ask myself these ridiculous questions constantly…