haiku tv nineteen is gluten free

i just made biscuits
right then on law and order
his mother calls him

you biscuit eating
son of a you know what
and then he confesses

Goren thinks man
professional confessor
to get away from mom

“all he does all day
sit around eating biscuits”
mother to Isis

“beautiful woman
with a lot to offer
shall we make an offer”

Modern Family

“bless me father
for i have done nothing but watch
pornos” on tv

The Closer

“you can just imagine
you have a cowboy riding you
like a horse”

ETV Yoga

“can we go
to the concussion i think
i have a hospital”

Raising Hope


“not just because
of the tootsie roll we hide
in every pocket”

mikey you got yourself
one of those trophy wives”

Mike and Molly

seventeen, haiku tv, the funniest

“his christening
before they broke the champagne bottle
over his head”
Gracie’s Uncle Harvey

“i heard your mamma
rang a guy’s bells all the way
to heaven tonight”
Mike and Molly

“at your age
you shouldn’t look at furniture
unless it has a lid”
Frank Barone to Marie

“don’t use the woman
who’s sleeping with my girlfriend
to try to flip me”
The Good Wife

“really don’t like
how your wings poke me when we sleep
cause you’re an angel”
Big Bang Theory

“sixty percent
believe the noah’s ark story
is completely true”
Bill Maher /HBO

“stan’s cousin
the diabetic is visiting
from arizona”
Marie Barone

“the cow gives all the milk
but the bull gets the blue ribbon
a man’s world”
Gracie Allen


haiku tv fifteen the new season


“that boy wants a bar
mitzvoh i’m going to throw
him a bar mitzvoh”

“now you’re my boyfriend
you have to buy me ice cream
tell me i’m pretty”

The Middle
“i know that we’re
supposed to keep our underwear on
but i didn’t”

The Mysteries of Laura

her dad said “apple pie
without cheese is like a
kiss without a squeeze”

Food TV

“i’ve got to say
out of the four of you
Vito is the best kisser”

Brooklyn 9-9

“you do not get to be
rosa parks without
rosa parks bus driver”

John Oliver HBO

“sometimes i find it
easier to despise someone
than to love them”

Boardwalk Empire

“what is it next crouch cam
we think he meant crotch cam
this is cnn”

Bra Cam CNN

“please return your guest
pajamas, your guest toothbrush
and guest” something else

Brooklyn 9-9

“i never eat anchovies
unless i don’t know
i am eating them”

” either you lead me
to Berlin or i will lead
Berlin unto you ”

The Blacklist

bob’s burgers : specials of the day, part I

(bob’s burgers I 🙂 swallow this capistrano pastrami burger
once upon a thyme veggie burger
albert r broccoli-burger
kosher dil et tante burger
salmon ella fitzgerald burger
is you is or is you ain’t my baby bel cheese burger?
casey anthony newley wed burger
put a sockeye salmon in it burger
obsessive culinary delight OCDburger
anchovy pasties burger
squash your dreamburger
nat king cole slaw burger
meet you in kentucky bourbonburger
not mushroom at the inn burger
Adam eme and new year’s Eve burger
olivia pope john paul ring o onion burger

larry david burgers:
don’t use the carpool lane on game day venison-burger
my wife may be crashing but my cable is down right delicious burger
have it your way narcissist burger

(for the blackboard behind bob 12/29)