“bring me” haiku in the pool and keep the 200 year flood

`

“it’s like bath water”
a nickel for every time
“bring me bar of soap”

“if you could bring me
back a meatball sub for dessert
that would be good”

he was having thai
his in-laws olive garden
the best of both worlds

thai seasons haiku
he wanted olive garden
i wanted pad thai

so i asked his wife
directions to thai seasons
thank him for haiku

he was offering
sweet tea vodka lemonade
you say no thank-you

but then you wonder
simply having no idea
was that one or three

the answer was two
you enjoy the lemonade
floating in window

“i was looking for
my daughter and her husband
have they been gone long”

several hours since
you show her they are still here
she has to bend down

the whole family
should write a book of haiku
my fingers are wet

they stood in the rain
barely drizzling outside
on your sunglasses

“ray charles everyone
he can’t see you but he can
hear you, make some noise”

it was a mistake
the pool shouldn’t be heated
he hit the wrong switch

did i mention that
i would like to have pad thai
“body of baker”

`
* day one / the flood of 2015

a southern buffet , music to birds ears haiku

`
soft waves can be heard
birds chirping in bright sunshine
peaceful still silence

the music has stopped
this is the real vacation
what dreams are made of

two couples enjoy
baby pool amenities
thinking jacuzzi

gentleman shouting
i’ll see you at four a m
a southern buffet

hashed browns grits and eggs
pancakes waffles every meat
whatever you want

loving how they made
hashed browns in tiny square balls
myrtle beach breakfast

`

duck demands deviled crab haiku

`
born on bay of pigs
even though she was kosher
vegetarian

oyster searching duck
blintzes with blueberries sign
coming this sunday

duck is upside down
under the water air tail
where deviled crabs hide

downward facing duck
no breathing in the inlet
scuba diver duck

secret agent ducks
waddling down the sidewalk
fed you last hour

bright green grass seed snack
mr. and mrs. mallard
earth day pair coupling

southern accents hide
kentucky bourbon inside
beneath wind currents

bought seven follows
for fifteen hundred dollars
letterman says no

they aren’t real people
perhaps zombie vampires
kaptain kangaroo

`

volley ball sand bird

.

many times over
burying your head in sand
splashing grains around

brown thrasher troubles
why are you bathing in sand
is this new fashion

back scratching technique
your way to play volleyball
volley sand for one

“Brody take a bite
of your hot dog you won’t
have any energy”

“you’ll have to go upstairs
and take a nap you won’t
be able to play”

what a cute way
telling your child to eat dinner
thinking on his feet

i ate everything
no one had to ask me twice
except that one time

sardine sandwiches
thinking it was tuna fish
at my father’s store

my mother brought lunch
glad i’m vegetarian
give seagull sardines

Brody hates hot dogs
jamie livingston ate four
my birthday cook out

father and husband
could eat them every single day
if you let them

they would rather go
to a restaurant with hot dogs
than anywhere else

.

there was no start rectangle

have i recovered?
RPC server fatal
serious error

there was a loud bang
did my pumpkin pie blow up
it started like this

impossible vegan pumpkin pie appears, an egg free recipe & it was gluten free, but i didn’t want to make rice flour, so i searched , until i found someone say coconut flour. that was the perfect idea. so you grind coconut & oat flour.

at 12 pm , a horrible metal bang.inside the kitchen , nothing had fallen. open the oven & oh no my coconut flour blew out of the pumpkin pie, impossible. how could that happen the pie is beautifully whole .it was snowing inside the oven everywhere.

then i remember there were once of twice baked potatoes being baked , under the pie & one potato was perfectly sliced in half & everything was missing. the pie was delicious . i can see why her husband ate six pieces at 153 calories each. i’ve heard of potatoes blowing up. that’s apparently what happens when you poke them only 8 times, instead of seventeen, and have a new oven.maybe the forks here are made for prison and are poke less.

but , when i woke up , i turned on the computer & there was nothing at the bottom of the screen . no start , skype, time, wireless, just: “RPC server is unavailable, fatal error”, for 5 hours.when i look this up. it said microsoft was working on an answer in 2011 & never answered & i remember microsoft support popped up one day , & said it had ended in 2013.

not that i would know what to do or even understand, but when humans tried to explain, no one had this happen, before the computer starts working. and the computer has been acting stranger than usual, the last few days.sometimes , when click on someone, you can see their name , but there are no words on their post, so i delete cookies & then the words appear.

.

oh vending machine

errinspelling

last september
what do you want from me
everything i try.

first day dollar bill
potato chip change only
see you tomorrow.

i have six quarters
choosy potato chips now
saying dollar bill.

day three i have both
are you playing games with me?
you don’t want either?

try again august
eight dollar bills liking two
after ten tries.

lady watches me
gave up second attempt
exasperated.
`
“Money”
Pink Floyd

“money , get away
grab that cash with both hands
and make a stash”

every day of life
do A should have done B.
and if you do B,
A’s what you should have done .
and if you do both
it’s still wrong.

View original post

oh vending machine II

_____

she’s speaking algae
little girl hears allergy
her mother explains

now saying alagy
interesting conversation
over boardwalk

vending machine
“did that to me yesterday”
superman is speaking

my pop tarts won’t pop
no one is around so i
buy another one

now they are both stuck
man goes whoosh and out they come
long line of mishaps

powdered sugar doughnuts
expiration two weeks ago
bought last night

august twenty ninth
savor a potato chip
it tasted funny

and everything did
so i wasn’t thinking
a virus from stalker

all of a sudden
something said to look down
expired october

ten months earlier
how do you like those chips
chips falling where they may

unhappy camper
getting quite ridiculous
this vending machine

____

gander gentle gander

*

catching in midair
solitary golf cart stops
middle of sidewalk

those ducks must know you
not that way with everyone
one of those is mean

talented ducklings
catching four bites in a row
so not an athlete

eight ducks,jumping dogs
bread falling right in their beaks
always miss fifth time

not their fault it’s mine
“give them what they want
and you’ll always have a crowd”

next couple enter
sitting on the bench to watch
bringing a haiku

they ask me
because they are so well trained
if i am here everyday

if i only
had bread everyday but i
only have chinese food

and a bread maker
in the box for two years now
do not tell keen ducks

*
( all you have to do
everyone will bring haiku
feeding friendly ducks )

( she came in slippers
saying oh well i’m here now
told her ducks don’t mind )

.

united arab emirates din-din

.

brigadier general
please join me for dinner
i have a boyfriend

usual answer
was not going to work here
only jewish men

he gave me his card
with a million phone digits
telling me please call

come to my country
picturing queen esther
or kidnapped forever

thinking this funny
male jewish friend said
that i should have gone with him

a twenty course meal
can’t miss wonderful dinner
“i can buy my own”

if i can’t go
to dinner with you how can
i come to your country

.

fourteen food and fun haiku tv

“this is uber sauce
they’re not trying to be subtle
going for gold”

The Best Thing I Ever Ate
`

“drove all alcoholics
out of manhattan and into
new jersey”

Seth Meyers
`

“man you dress like that
in front of the fridge i’ve died
and gone to heaven”

Dan Conner / Roseanne
`

“in italy the
two of you couldn’t get
enough of each other”

Frank Barone / Everybody Loves Ray
`

“you know they say that
politics makes strange bedfellows
let’s check it out”

Maude
`

” you’re trying to tell me
you had a good time
with that old lady”

Reese Witherspoon / unknown movie
`

“of course you can sleep
with any woman you want to”
not your sister

General Hospital
`

“i’m going in the
other room i should be there
about 3:01”

Jackie on Roseanne
`

“i guess she’s just one
of those girls who’s got a hitch
in her get-a-long”

Andy Griffith
`

“you just wanted to
get me in bed one more time
before you dumped me”

Becky to Mark on Roseanne

which wasn’t true
because they married
lived happily ever after

`