she has no maize & neither do i ,we have both of our legs haiku

i met a kind nurse
she was allergic to corn
feeling bad for her

pops into your head
everyday is passover
the first to say this?

and then the next day
they told me that i was too
already knew wheat

and then i knew this
passover every day too
let them eat matzo

marie antoinette
wheat is also in matzo
let them eat sponge cake

allergy to eggs
what would marie antoinette
tell me to go eat

talking to myself
get ready for passover
i crack myself up

what is there to do
when every day seems pesach
ocd cleaning

ritual cleansing
vinegar for the counters
ice box,stove,oven

yes i said ice box
too many syllables this

and this may be why
jews are born with ocd
five thousand years

please tell me which box
pesach silverware is in
two hundred boxes

and only one drawer
who builds a house with one drawer
kitchen beach condo

so at four a m
how do you peel hard boiled eggs
kitchen sink breaks

i’m sure there’s a law
if it’s not good for your health
should not eat something

angel of death, takes
me away to calgon bath
perfume allergy


hello hamantaschen haiku

(sung to i’m gonna wash that man right outta my hair/south pacific)

i’m gonna bake that
hamantaschen right outta oat flour (3 times)

enjoy it gluten free

roll it out crimp it out
roll it out crimp it out (2 times)

bah da da ba dah da da

hey Esther

(haiku sung to you don’t bring me flowers melody)

you don’t bring
me hamantaschen anymore
not that you ever did

(melody hello goodbye / beatles)

Come In Yo / purim haiku lyrics

don’t know why you say
hamantaschen i say hello
hello hello

u say raspberry
i say no u say prune and
i say show show show


your best bitter february friend forever and mine bitter ben

“nothing gets me up
faster in the morning than
two charley horses”

“wouldn’t it be nice
to shorten this phrase somehow
best friend forever”

(i know you wanted
to shorten this phrase
yet i made it much longer)

“i have so much to do
so little motivation
to do it with”

” when i say that
i am going to do my best
i do not mean it”

“do not be a hater
because my wife thrifted
this awesome jacket”

“ben needs instructions
to open a granola bar
he almost starved”

“if you spend
10,000 hours doing something
you are an expert”

“why is that old guy
always telling me to get
my billions back”

(you should hear
what the guy in the turban told me
from that company)

“we might accomplish
something in a meeting
when flying cars arrive”

(you accomplish haiku
without even knowing
what more can one ask)

“SNL forty
where is my celebration
i am forty one”

“happy pizza day”
yet it’s never gluten free
always on friday

“one hundred percent
keeping all resolutions
made january”

(on february 2)

(found this place twitter
i have never been there once
yet i’m a member

since two thousand twelve
julie andrews and sean penn
were following me

spending four hours
last night trying to log in
the very first time)


haiku tv nineteen is gluten free

i just made biscuits
right then on law and order
his mother calls him

you biscuit eating
son of a you know what
and then he confesses

Goren thinks man
professional confessor
to get away from mom

“all he does all day
sit around eating biscuits”
mother to Isis

“beautiful woman
with a lot to offer
shall we make an offer”

Modern Family

“bless me father
for i have done nothing but watch
pornos” on tv

The Closer

“you can just imagine
you have a cowboy riding you
like a horse”

ETV Yoga

“can we go
to the concussion i think
i have a hospital”

Raising Hope


“not just because
of the tootsie roll we hide
in every pocket”

mikey you got yourself
one of those trophy wives”

Mike and Molly