fall for not in the sea

.

his song summed it up
T-R-O-U-B-L-E
i fell in the sea

forgetting flip flops
weighing on left good shoes
beach bag in the other

very rough night at sea
seasoned waves knock you down
fifteen miles per hour

reaching for water
falling over into wave
boy offering help

already rising
constricting salt water laugh
darn water bottle

causes more problems
thirty second memory
falls unlucky toe

tuesday evening pool
internal hemorrhage color
purple people months

“she hit the floor
next thing you know she got low low
low low low low low”

this the second song
are they making fun of me
falling in ocean

.

When I am dead

writing in airplanes

Place these flowers
upon my chest
and lay me to rest
don’t forget to say
a few words
over whatever is left

Do remember to say
that I was swell
a hell of a friend
kind to animals
good with children
and always on time

A big hearted fellow
larger than life
good sense of humor
laughing at death
a man to remember
until you forget

©Daniel von der Embse

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just arrived paradise,almost left hard way

`

“i haven’t done
anything yet and it’s already
awesome” daddy

please do not reserve
south pool chairs with your towel
they will be removed

and then what happens
when you give towels back
you find who guilty are

how embarrassing
lady in powder room tells me
have a nice trip

where am i going
do i have too many bags
i’m already here

“you can either
sit here with us or wear this
and go in the water”

he’s sitting here with us
“nothing to eat today”
“three bowls cereal”

isn’t that something
apparently cereal
isn’t really food

black cowboy boots
blue swim trunks and blue t shirt
will have funny tan lines

had to run away
why do idiots think it’s
alright to smoke here

can’t they sit
in their stupid chair normal people
it doesn’t bother

if only looks could kill
like my chiropractor’s wife
she has the best

the third time
he ran over here he put it out
perfecting my look

straw or cigarette
a game i must play too often
not a fun game

masochist woman
tattoos everywhere bikini
does not cover

ringo’s sister
her hair was bright red last year
for some reason black now

idiot round four
this may be the last haiku
giving him the pool

perhaps choke to death
and my poem blew away when
i threw it and ran

tell’s me it’s alright
idiot facing ocean
and i behind him

what the heck way
do you think the wind is blowing
open your eyes man

you moved from two feet
on my left to two feet on my right
no difference

“it’s getting hot in here
so take off all your clothes”
don’t think that will help

`

mr. mishuginah take five

.
he played dave brubeck
downstairs while i was upstairs
long black evening gown

before the jazz club
every friday and saturday
jazz precedes jazz

take five and take five
and then the band would take five
still favorite song

when was the last time
you changed the AC filter
he said what is that

i said your whole life
you’ve never seen your mother
or father change one?

he always said
we are going to the library
and check this out

we will not argue
whenever i say dumb things
go to library

not once did we go
this time we went to the store
hundreds of filters

understandably
this is why i had the flu
he now has asthma

.

from Iran to my aunt’s house

.

they left their money
everything they ever owned
south carolina

allowed to leave Iran
this was the only way
he was a doctor

beautiful couple
he died from a heart attack
didn’t understand

he wasn’t heavy
the doctor was very young
at my synagogue

many years later
she offered to drive me back
greenville to charleston

three hours each way
but first we went to her house
guess who’s house it was

it was my aunt’s house
she bought houses and fixed them
it was beautiful

when i was little
until the year before this
my father would laugh

you should be careful
how you look at anything
because it would break

having old white stove
probably like the waltons
the last century

i had no idea
we were going to my aunt’s home
moved to virginia

it wasn’t like
my aunt couldn’t afford new things
daddy would buy them

two of his sisters
he took care of everyone
they lost their husband’s

before i was born
both of her sons are doctors
stock my father bought

my second aunt
who doesn’t believe in progress
they’re set in their ways

one hundred eighty miles
inviting her to stay
she had to go home

.

haiku tv sixteen

.
“you found jack (nothing)
the FBI found jack
I found him and his name IS Jack”

The Closer

“the voices in your head
are telling you you’re crazy
don’t believe them”

David Letterman

“i’m going to go
to the deli anyway
terry loves kreplach”

Terry on Brooklyn 9-9

“allergic to ducks
i won’t invite you to my
duck duck goose party”

Bob’s Burgers

“one for the lady
and one for the car ride
to pick up the lady”

box of chocolate / Mike and Molly

“i was curious
to know how glue tasted
like a horse lollipop”

Brooklyn 9-9

“sounds like somebody
was baptized in a river
of good good lovin”

Mike and Molly

“if you can’t afford
your medication astra
zenica will help”

Commercial

this has been driving me crazy for possibly 7 years, and not because it was a haiku and now it isn’t.”only my hairdresser knows for sure”. (just realized i could make my own commercial. only hairdresser knows for sure, when i got lyme disease, at age 7 ,in her woods , covering her driveway , behind liberty life insurance company and i had their health insurance, but i never found out,about the lyme, until 3 years ago).

back to astra zenica,when this commercial first came out, this is what they said.then 3 days later, i hear “may be able to help”& ever since….maybe their lawyers told them to change this, but i know when it first came on tv it was : will help.

bubble wrap him for hanukkah


one year i gave him
twenty seven presents
mr. mishuginah

think it may have been
twenty seven pairs of socks
plus seven presents

one for every night
all of his socks had big holes
he liked it that way?

every week i shopped
tj maxx and other stores
most beautiful socks

ocd shopping
ocd with his big holes
every mall d.c.

cannot remember
any of the other gifts
except for these two

one wasn’t a gift
this is the best gift ever
popping bubble wrap

every day for a month
he popped his bubble wrap
and said he loved it

and when it ran out
probably put me on a plane
in the lightning

.

you may have ptsd if :

~~~~

last thing you do
when you leave your home
put the doorbell back together

first task on hand
when you arrive at your new home
unscrew the doorbell

friday doorbell rings
so you jump through the ceiling
how can that happen

fire alarm works
toaster oven sets it off
eggplant parmesan

saturday doorbell rings
screws are safely in drawer
man came to fix locks

how did it do that
he said oh yeah it did ring
bending the wires

so they will not touch
anything important
or out the door it goes

i heard a haiku
while making eggpant parmesan
then i forgot

~
law and order
Eames said this about her father
criminal intent :

he has irish alzheimers
he only remembers
_ _ _ _

then i realized
possibly funny
because i forgot what she said

~
here are two
i heard a few hours later
still criminal intent

go get me
a frappuccino and while you’re out
stab the CEO

you’ll have to
sell your houses now move into
aunt louanne’s rumpus room

~~~

1 800 j – u – s – t – a – s – k

.

sitting on lounge chair
she gets out of the pool
and sits down on his lap

she takes his arms
and wraps them around her
she’s sixty , he’s seventy

he pushes her down
so he can read the paper
lower in the chair

everyone is here
can i burgle N.J.
steal all their accents

twins one, blue swimsuts
pretending circle bulls eye floats
white mushroom hats

three little girls
asking if they can color with me
sit at table

wanting to say no
to the ten year old who asked
instead said of course

southerners do that
“have you ever been bullied”
yes by you daily

splashed my sunglasses
turned the cold water on me
screaming in my ear

now screaming again
a little trouble maker
her parents also

daddy yelled at her
told her it wasn’t funny
whatever she did

hiding in deep end
where she took it out on me
with the cold water

really she was asking
another little girl
about bullying

“the first eight callers
you get this for free”
then he lifts up his baby

out of the water
everyone hearing his plea
must have octuplets

.

All I Can Say Is …


i am a person
of interest in zero crimes
hope you are also

when i was seven
i was in love with
elliott gould’s attorney

in forty years
there will be some funny looking
tattoos men eighty

if you are in a movie
and the phone starts ringing
do not answer

impossible
to follow you if your name is
iamthedevil

i was twenty three
began forgetting words
trying to speak long pause

two high pitched puppies
trying to outdo the other
thinking i won