on american soil, haiku tv twenty four at your front door

`
“ask for viagra
would you rather curl up with
a man than a book”

Commercial
`
“from a magazine
not the internet he’s old school
i respect that”

Blended
`
“i’ve put too much time
into this relationship
to just walk away”

7 years old / The Middle
`

“don’t want to sleep
next to you for eternity
may i be so bold”

Suzie / Curb Your Enthusiasm
`

“gardening isn’t
about where we choose to live
how we choose to live”

Commercial
`

“so sad not to have
a cocktail in your hand
every time he comes by”

Gilmore Girls
`

“if you see
a half girl half duck walking around
that is my sister”

The Middle
`

“an american
has been killed on foreign soil”
hear this all the time

`

palm tree confidential

`
three different birds
having conversations with their own
exact same time

newsworthy chirping
about the weather tomorrow
cool front times three

“when did you get back
asking two years in a row
having never left”

elderly guru
volunteer gardener genie
slumbering difference

his magic makes
roses,oleander and azaleas
form hot pinks

which causes birds
to sing constantly, drunk
squirrels become suicidal

`
(I Found The Old Way
will i remember how
this the only question)

if doing the same thing
over and over was wrong
would not see me

haiku apology before haiku

`
if your name is levy
windows xp has an ax
to grind with you

if you remember
the death of windows XP
the haiku j’accuse

i am sorry to everyone :the reader has a mind of its own. the last 6 pages of edith levy, i find the next day.they weren’t there the night before, …and the other day , i found deb levy at twitter & realized it wasn’t in the reader either.. i accidentally find about 6 people a day … petescribes from 6 days ago…everything is 6 now…but i have no idea how many i am missing, so just punch me or something…and now, yesterday’s aranislandgirl at twitter…like the man said it was only going to get worse.

`
“moses closes red sea
on three shepherds after parting
second time”

The Arm Chair Pontificator
`
“bitter ben doesn’t
come into your forest
don’t come into his house”

Bitter Ben
`

“my mint and lime
body wash smells like i showered
with a mojito”

Hugh Clark Hunter
`
i would like to know
which worm told you that he does
not like to eat salt

“i don’t really speak worm
but his body language
said it all really”

Aranislandgirl

`

P.S. i accidentally found drafts, but don’t know what i did ? i cannot use the new write a post .. before today, you could click the pencil at the top right & write the old way & find drafts on the left side of page.

the new way you cannot edit ,no categories ,or comments, so i deleted what i wrote asking for help, because no one can answer & who would see it, if there’s no button for categories…

i’m asking here, because i can’t spend 5 days again, like when the notification button stopped & finding the question for several years & no answer.. threads stop & answers for brain surgeons, when all i needed was charly saying type the words: wordpress/notifications….
`

imbecilic beach commercials / here’s an idea

`
{visit a forest
look on so and so dot org
find forests near you}

just get in your car
and drive down any highway
THAT is a forest

a better idea
waiting for next commercial
live through a snake bite
`
(we’re going backwards
last dumbest commercial first
last night in first out)
`
{have a tea party
with your daughter while wearing
wife beater tee shirt}

they want to tell men
to play with their children
alright to beat your wife

very important
men with long hair and tattoos
someone thinks they’re dumb

obviously
people are hitting children
or there wouldn’t be crime

a bad example
of why i hate commercials
this one makes good sense
`

haiku twenty two tv is free

`
some jewish guy
“trying to imagine lady gaga
as a nun”

I wonder
if christian guys imagine women
as matzo balls

“lady guinevere
who was that Knight i saw you with
early morning”

“i threw her a straight line
she got a laugh with it
and then i proposed”

George Burns
`

“i should have been
a kosher butcher like my brother”
he was a moil

Seinfeld
`

“remember the time
we put our nickel together
and bought nothing”

Ray Barone
`

“doesn’t it make you
feel good to know there’s a place
to go when you’re scared”

Marie Barone
`
“well i have been taken
for ronnie’s sister but
never his brother”

Gracie Allen
`
“i have nothing to do
with my boss’s daughter’s
boss’s sweet sixteen”

The Nanny
`

“move to las vegas
get a couple of tigers
start a magic show”

Mike and Molly
`

fall for not in the sea

.

his song summed it up
T-R-O-U-B-L-E
i fell in the sea

forgetting flip flops
weighing on left good shoes
beach bag in the other

very rough night at sea
seasoned waves knock you down
fifteen miles per hour

reaching for water
falling over into wave
boy offering help

already rising
constricting salt water laugh
darn water bottle

causes more problems
thirty second memory
falls unlucky toe

tuesday evening pool
internal hemorrhage color
purple people months

“she hit the floor
next thing you know she got low low
low low low low low”

this the second song
are they making fun of me
falling in ocean

.

twenty one ,fun and festive, haiku tv

`
“they’re very festive
i don’t know what kind of guy
you’re going after”

she jumps off ski lift
cannot be alone with a man
almost sundown

kosher breast implants
her father thinking they might
help her social life

larry disagrees
thinks they should be smaller
and other mishegas

Larry David / Curb Your Enthusiasm
`

they all look alike
alligators and crocodiles
am i racist

Me
`
“i’m watching oprah
waiting for my aha moment
and you’re not it”

Mike and Molly
`
“the only way
your mother can deal with pain
is to spread it around”

Roseanne
`
“and don’t get used
to me looking like this because
i can’t afford it”

The Closer
`
” a woman who had
her face severely bitten
by a man on bond”

Commercial for news
`
“if you’re a jerk wad
who always has to be right
this isn’t for you”

“you probably
already know you have the right
to remain silent”

Law and Order
`

january overjoy bitterbenku

`
“someone in your life
the disease of overjoy
my blog is the cure”

“i hate that my tweets
are so much more clever
than kevin jonas tweets”

“do santa clause’s
little helpers take elfies
during bathroom, breaks”

“forty one years old
still sit at kid table
people still think i mind”

“i go from famished
to full in only eight point five
pizza seconds”

“apparently
it’s all about me and other
fellow benjamins”

“when people say
“make it rain” in seattle
we all say please no more”

“in seattle
the clouds are king and the sun is
the humble servant”

“i think what i will do
is buy one delicious doughnut
everyday”

`

http://www.bensbitterblog.wordpress.com

your best bitter february friend forever and mine bitter ben

`
“nothing gets me up
faster in the morning than
two charley horses”

“wouldn’t it be nice
to shorten this phrase somehow
best friend forever”

(i know you wanted
to shorten this phrase
yet i made it much longer)

“i have so much to do
so little motivation
to do it with”

” when i say that
i am going to do my best
i do not mean it”

“do not be a hater
because my wife thrifted
this awesome jacket”

“ben needs instructions
to open a granola bar
he almost starved”

“if you spend
10,000 hours doing something
you are an expert”

“why is that old guy
always telling me to get
my billions back”

(you should hear
what the guy in the turban told me
from that company)

“we might accomplish
something in a meeting
when flying cars arrive”

(you accomplish haiku
without even knowing
what more can one ask)

“SNL forty
where is my celebration
i am forty one”

“happy pizza day”
yet it’s never gluten free
always on friday

“one hundred percent
keeping all resolutions
made january”

(on february 2)

bensbitterblog.com
`

(found this place twitter
i have never been there once
yet i’m a member

since two thousand twelve
julie andrews and sean penn
were following me

spending four hours
last night trying to log in
the very first time)

`

haiku tv twenty three, it’s Gracie

`
“oh will you get
some ginger ale the chicken
may not like straight bourbon”

“i know you men
would like to be alone so if
i leave you will be”

“couldn’t afford
metronome so my mother turned on
windshield wipers”

Gracie

“carl what have i told you
about not using jesus
as your wing man”

“you don’t have to become
a nun to have a relationship
with G-d”

Mike and Molly

“my conscious doesn’t
take time off just because
i have an erection”

“the fact that his fridge
isn’t full of women’s heads
is a miracle”

Hello Ladies
`
* i meant to hit preview not publish: 21 & 22 haven’t been published yet.