twenty one ,fun and festive, haiku tv

`
“they’re very festive
i don’t know what kind of guy
you’re going after”

she jumps off ski lift
cannot be alone with a man
almost sundown

kosher breast implants
her father thinking they might
help her social life

larry disagrees
thinks they should be smaller
and other mishegas

Larry David / Curb Your Enthusiasm
`

they all look alike
alligators and crocodiles
am i racist

Me
`
“i’m watching oprah
waiting for my aha moment
and you’re not it”

Mike and Molly
`
“the only way
your mother can deal with pain
is to spread it around”

Roseanne
`
“and don’t get used
to me looking like this because
i can’t afford it”

The Closer
`
” a woman who had
her face severely bitten
by a man on bond”

Commercial for news
`
“if you’re a jerk wad
who always has to be right
this isn’t for you”

“you probably
already know you have the right
to remain silent”

Law and Order
`

larry david in the carpool lane

(larry david’s how to use the HOV lane haiku:
picking up on the side of the road & driving with prostitutes is helpful when late
to baseball games:then you can use the hov lane)… favorite episode…

hurried driving late
using ladies of night rushing
to baseball games.

larry can’t play golf haiku

weathermen ,wrong predictions
stealing golf tee times from larry david.

bob’s burgers:larry david specials V

larry david daily special burger :
your aunt died, but i want to go play golf this Morningstarsausage farm burger,
i have khaki tent pants ,so why not Tentedburger with aluminum foil to seal in the juices ,
don’t drink out of my glass celophane noodle shrimp and whynot porktooburger,

bob’s specials today:
“analyze this” billy crystallized ginger burger (it looks marvelous),
the jimmy falLondon broil burger ( never ever ever served with mayonnaise
he really loves this burger)
bewitched and “Beware” samantha and sammy davis jr “too close for comfort” food double burger,
“the cougar-cogat burger” another delicious pairing of courtney cox and bandleader violinist xavier cugat,
paul simon “you can call me spinach Al fredo burger,
frank sinaTravolta burger will make you sing and dance
the Brittany “Gimme More” Spears of asparagus burger,
the caspar weinberger, you guessed manischewitz wineburger,
Mama Cass t a net over this swordfishburger,
marie barone steak pizzaiola burger with homeade RAGU and Taragon sauce on panfocaccia,
rick SpringonionField served on a field of mixed greens,
and “The Closer” thank-you peppermintpattyburger with reeses pieces on the side

bob’s burgers special today IV

bob’s burgers daily specials IV:
sheldon “bazinga” spaghetti and tiny hot dog burger
the big bang ladesh burger with yogurt lentil sauce
the gluten free grainfed tofu soy free burger
share this :Sony side up and Cher burger
“take five” Brew (bru) Beck beerburger
the myrtle beach boys II men Apocalypse burger
the “fiddler on the roof” of your mouth peanut butter and banana burger and desert apple strudel
cootie williams Ain’t the gravy good on this parmesan crusted steakburger
cee lo Green tea roasted Red peppers and “Crazy” sweet vidalia georgia onion christmasburger
haloween “hungary for a ghoulash burger
Old christine New england clam chowder burger for the adventurous
hershey kiss today goodbye burger
Meyer lemon tree very pretty burger
rise and shine on harvest moon pie burger
smothers brothers 5 cheeses burger
fire up the grill jalepano burger
school’s out for summer squash burger
pumpkin pie r round not square man hippie burger

bob’s burgers special of the day III

bob’s burgers special today:
your choice the classic Bridget loves Bernie burger served on jewish rye with seeds or the new sitcomburger Bridget loves Bernice burger on ciabatta
larry david burger:
somebody took my chinese shrimp because it’s not kosherburger (served on challah)
jazz burgers:
baby bokchoy it’s cold outside frank loesserburger
the louisjordan ain’t nobody here but us chickens turkeyburger
there’s no place to hide in this Chuck eggplant parmesanMangione burger
dean martini roasted burger (also served with a martini)
antonio carlos jobim me up scotty whiskey burger on rye
i want you to be my baby pumpkin burger with louis jordan almonds
the lieber stoller tuna burger for 3 kool katz
fatz waller “the joint is jumpin” black eyed pea ,new year’s eve hoppin john burger

the jenna Elf man (served on a Shelf of dandelion greens with mistletoe green tomatoes) veggieburger

bob’s burgers:daily special part II

bob’s special of the day: mary hartman-which ,mary hartman-which
more larry david special burgers:
funkhauser nut burger with almond walnut and cashew
don’t play wagner at my wedding or on your lawn chia seed bagelburger
richard lewis meditation yogi urt burger served on a benadryl brownie
alta kocher chronicburger with shwag (guaranteed to keep the opthomologist away)
my dry cleaner put a hole in this burger, burger
abe vigoda gefilte “fish” burger on pumpernickel

family guy specials:
gouda night everybody loves robert loggia(served on focaccia w/ melted gouda)
you made me love you johnny muldoon tickle the ivory key lime burger
stew ie d tomato on a peter bilt burger
brian swings with nat’s frim fram sauce w/ ausen fay burger and chafafah on the side
harry bel a fontina cheese burger
12/30

bob’s burgers : specials of the day, part I

(bob’s burgers I 🙂 swallow this capistrano pastrami burger
once upon a thyme veggie burger
albert r broccoli-burger
kosher dil et tante burger
salmon ella fitzgerald burger
is you is or is you ain’t my baby bel cheese burger?
casey anthony newley wed burger
put a sockeye salmon in it burger
obsessive culinary delight OCDburger
anchovy pasties burger
squash your dreamburger
nat king cole slaw burger
meet you in kentucky bourbonburger
not mushroom at the inn burger
Adam eme and new year’s Eve burger
olivia pope john paul ring o onion burger

larry david burgers:
don’t use the carpool lane on game day venison-burger
my wife may be crashing but my cable is down right delicious burger
have it your way narcissist burger

(for the blackboard behind bob 12/29)

Too Many Freak Accidents in Orange County

a little girl ,ashton jojo comes to florida to celebrate her 11th birthday and dies in a freak accident, that is still being investigated.dogs die from chew snacks, that turn to cement, when saliva touches them. a few weeks ago, they were talking about more  dogs dying from doggie treats for a second time, by the same company.maybe these aren’t accidents. who would know, not to reach into a pond for a ball or that you can’t give your dog certain treats?

and now black bears seem to be  running around all over orlando.they enjoy the city, trees in neighborhoods, front yards, museums, apartments and i believe they were taken off the endangered list today.people are going to be on that list soon.i lost track of how many bears: first , there was the bear who, in march ,bit terri gurley on her sit upon,then two seperate bears that were tranquilized in trees .then another who wasn’t tranquilized , but allowed to sit at the museum and wander to homes, after that two were caught on video fighting in someone’s front yard and yesterday three little bears , also on film were running through the woods to a neighbor’s house, the neighbor of the cameraman.these are the bears i have seen, on tv.someone told me today, on the news last night, there was a baby bear in a garage and his mother finally figured how to open the garage, but this was in california, maybe orange county california?

last week two people were struck by lightning, one at the beach and another on a golf course.i was on a golf course , during a hurricane once, in a hail storm ,with  someone i have  written ( if they would like to have it ) a very true, funny, larry david , curb your enthusiasm episode about, after the police made 500,000 people leave myrtle beach and he wouldn’t go, not until they turned  off ,the electricity .then , we went to the golf course.why would there be hail.