last straw plantation PTSD

`
it was about 7:30 & the ocean breeze was the best it had ever been .so i left, before anyone pulled out a cigarette and ruined it. there was a lot of noise like people throwing a sofa, sounding like it was coming from the roof. it was nothing like the noise from above the tennis villa , since feb 1st . turn the tv louder to mute . some idiot banging on my outer door that has a chain ,ringing the bell for maybe 20 minutes , until i’m so hysterical i can’t move, because i have ptsd from just that..
i don’t care if the building is burning down: no one has any reason to come to the door,ring a bell, much less that nightmare. and a plane crashed right outside ,i was told ,caught on fire & the whole lodge would go up,he said if it happened closer.

so 3 years ,no one helped me, for 10 months at 2359. every single night , what i think was a man stomping every two hours all night . the only time, i could sleep was when he went to play golf. the floors are a nightmare.
you aren’t allowed to make noise after 11 pm…the security guards wanted me to email & wake up
person who rents condos at 3 am & every time , he was stomping, which was every night & ridiculous, but nothing was ever done for 10 months, just a runaround.

*then in #2346 ,for an entire winter,i had to be woken every day, no rain, from 9 – 5 or 6 p m by sawing wood outside my bedroom window & hammering & made sick from sawdust then carpet glue ,when the building was practically empty.they have to go outside the sick person’s condo. the sawdust could have killed me. allergic since i was little , before toxic mold. no one cared to even stop the noise.

so i move to a top floor & then later , i bought a top floor for that reason. (millions of baby roaches in the walls that came out every time you turn on water,inside the oven, stove, microwave,everything possible). they are all gone now,unbelievably, but i bought a tennis villa & the lady who sold it to me said she never saw a bug & that it was quiet.
no one lived there & the family that owns it just lets family come.
the next day bugs but , since feb. 1, it’s been nonstop noise for 7 months except 2 & 1/2 weeks. every 5-7 minutes : banging, stomping ,running…. when inside,they never sleep 7 hours.

about six weeks ago ,i sent 3 pages to security .no one would put up with this…
you’re only allowed to complain after 11 pm… i said i’m going to the police if it doesn’t stop.. for 3 days it was quiet. and then all hell broke loose again.

so a new security guard was trying to give me a heart attack tonight. i cannot believe the things i’ve had to put up with 3 years & apparently people below complained of people moving furniture – me. the absolute stupidity. where has he been when i needed him for 3 years & it’s 8 pm…& he was rude & yelly & i was just as smart alecky , b/c he’s the last straw.

i asked him did he really think i was throwing furniture .of all people in the world & i think he did, b/c he said smart alecky well where do i think it’s coming from.
i cried for 2 hours,until i had to get out of here, b/c i’m scared to death again.. he said he has to be able to get in (meaning all guards) i asked him to come in twice & look & he said i’m not coming in…& he told me to turn the tv down. it was to cover the noise & him. so i have to listen to the horrible noise even louder, & he didn’t stop the banging.

my chest hurts badly. i don’t know how many asthma attacks i’ve had today. i went to the gate & the idiot was sitting there & the noise was still here at 10 when i left & i asked why is he sitting there ..why me? why scare me to death & not go stop the noise.

no it’s always me. people do whatever they want to me for 15 years & it ends tonight.. & the other nice guard told me don’t be afraid of him. he’s not going to hurt you..but that’s exactly what he just did & says he will do again..they can’t hear me, but he is exactly what i am afraid of a retired sheriff who tells me ,he has to be able to get in whenever he has to . yet he wouldn’t come in. they say he’ll be in trouble doing whatever he wants & being mean.

i could not be angrier at the 8 pm someone complains of noise & someone actually tried to do something , when i’ve tried to complain 100 times for 1000’s of hours of noise after 11 pm & nothing for almost 200 days . that’s even worse than ptsd & the pain in my chest & throat ,trying to yell at him.
and then he stopped looking for the noise. she said oh we’ll walk up & down until we find it..
i did that myself. you can’t hear furniture outside.
inside is a nightmare and it isn’t paradise if you have to fight the cigarettes to breathe every darn time you walk outside.this is the last place in the world to come if you have breathing problems. i can’t believe the health department lets people smoke IN the pool. one guy in the jacuzzi.

people who live here complain of cigarettes all over their yard & then they say i really have a reason.i don’t think i have ever been outside where they don’t get me. i was ready to leave.it’s pointless.
`

the cigarettes do
so much more damage than the
ocean breeze does good

i have been accused
moving furniture the crime
retired sheriff

arms hurt bad nine months
can hardly pull my top off
reach in cabinet

`

12:40 am & bang. nothing compared to the noise above villa.

1:24 a m 2 bangs sounds like balcony door below me , the complainers.

7:30pm bang 8:19 bang 11:47 pm terrible hammering noise

wed 12:30-12: 58 pm dropping furniture banging ; probably housekeeping

duck duck doughnut ocd haiku

dollars to doughnuts
she’ll return with more doughnuts
restraining order

it’s confidential
a little bit rock n roll
abundance of jazz

ptsd leaps
even though birds are chirping
waves for calming thoughts

constitution duck
swimming while blue ripples pool
someone sneaks behind

bird flies close to you
almost cheek kissing closeness
no animal fear

back legs paddling
time for apple bob again
two days in a row

ocd duck mind
he’s in the exact same spot
mallard in psych ward

no a female duck
we needed two syllables
haiku confusion

after she dries off
she jumps back in onto rope
bobbing other end

this tourette yoga
“put lime in the coconut
and call the doctor”

~

rose petals almost touch the sea II haiku

~
Elissa breaks free
runs back to the baby pool
jumps in and gets wet

his family left
he was having none of this
fish out of water

and now duck hour
mallard in a fast paced race
racing against self

the pool is his life
hiding behind azalea
quacking up a storm

he came for mrs.
both fly over the sea oats
time to fly a kite

“i feel the earth move
under my feet i feel the sky
tumblin down”

stalker is stalking
leaves a pet rock at the door
four hours sleep stomps

restraining order
then she’s offering doughnuts
and the haiku back

can’t hit the ceiling
too many nails point inward
only jump sideways

~

you may have ptsd if :

~~~~

last thing you do
when you leave your home
put the doorbell back together

first task on hand
when you arrive at your new home
unscrew the doorbell

friday doorbell rings
so you jump through the ceiling
how can that happen

fire alarm works
toaster oven sets it off
eggplant parmesan

saturday doorbell rings
screws are safely in drawer
man came to fix locks

how did it do that
he said oh yeah it did ring
bending the wires

so they will not touch
anything important
or out the door it goes

i heard a haiku
while making eggpant parmesan
then i forgot

~
law and order
Eames said this about her father
criminal intent :

he has irish alzheimers
he only remembers
_ _ _ _

then i realized
possibly funny
because i forgot what she said

~
here are two
i heard a few hours later
still criminal intent

go get me
a frappuccino and while you’re out
stab the CEO

you’ll have to
sell your houses now move into
aunt louanne’s rumpus room

~~~