yoda stopped by haiku

`
“i’m lying in bed
with a beautiful woman
who can quote yoda”

the big bang theory
never know who will drop by
leonard to penny

after i wrote this
picture of yoda pops up
yoda spoke to me

the force be with you
i had to leave off the may
it started with may

thank-you for the wish
can use any good wishes
every single one

ABC off air
CW took over
The Middle is lost

strange phenomenom
a little bit upsetting
accidentally

wrote silly haiku
and the next thing that you know
HTC answers

they’d love to help me
they think this is a fun game
and write a haiku

can you believe this
cable company answers
AND they write HAIKU

you don’t wait all day
your window is ten minutes
wrote me THREE haiku

and they were funny
a delightful company
extremely funny

`

bill maher / haleigh cummings haiku

`
one in one hundred
americans are in jail
bill maher thinks it’s wrong

what if they’re guilty
murdering your grandmother
a thoughtless remark

but i’m wondering
what about the the other three
sociopaths

for every hundred
running around hurting us
gang members , rapists

white supremacist
who just murdered nine people
south carolina

is the one in jail
innocent for some reason
bad cop arrested

like drew peterson
who you know committed crimes
not just at his home

is there anyone
drew peterson arrested
who is innocent?

let’s just assume three
who will murder their own wife
or stab your sister

they will join isis
hide a bomb at your child’s school
stab and car jack son

he also stated
he hopes isis takes baghdad
and wasn’t joking

clearly he’s lost it
someone sold him some bad drugs
that’s who he wants free

free misty and ron?
arrested for selling drugs
not haleigh’s murder

at least they’re in jail
until someone figures out
haleigh disappeared

/

all i ever see
are people who should have been locked up
a long time ago
that’s the problem
drew peterson murdered two wives
michael peterson killed one wife and one woman
they both “fell down the stairs”
ronald cummings was arrested
seventeen times
before he spent the first night in jail
his entire family
grandmother, mother, father, grandfather, sister
and everyone else he knew arrested
at least 29 people have been in jail
even their bond bailsman
is said to be a pedophile
and his babysitter misty
the most evil liar
her parents in & out of jail
harmless shoplifting , drugs
both of their sons
if it’s so harmless
how did misty turn into a monster
who got rid of a five year old child
and lied to police every single day
and become a drug kingpen
selling in front of a school
where she was arrested
as soon as she became eighteen
look at the tape

`

duck duck doughnut ocd haiku

dollars to doughnuts
she’ll return with more doughnuts
restraining order

it’s confidential
a little bit rock n roll
abundance of jazz

ptsd leaps
even though birds are chirping
waves for calming thoughts

constitution duck
swimming while blue ripples pool
someone sneaks behind

bird flies close to you
almost cheek kissing closeness
no animal fear

back legs paddling
time for apple bob again
two days in a row

ocd duck mind
he’s in the exact same spot
mallard in psych ward

no a female duck
we needed two syllables
haiku confusion

after she dries off
she jumps back in onto rope
bobbing other end

this tourette yoga
“put lime in the coconut
and call the doctor”

~

mr. shirt inc. a haiku

`
in her blue wagon
she waves like a beauty queen
sideways, two years old

practice for peach bowl
waving to subjects from float
wave back side to side

boxer admires
pink azaleas and roses
cart interrupted

she found her G string
apparently buying new
when i was little

all i had to do
walking a few doors away
my father’s shirt store

mr. shirt outlet
little miss shirt buys a string
for her violin

rosin from Pecknel
and if you wanted new shoes
godmother’s shoe store

dancing school twelve years
Lake Forest Shopping Center
anything you want

ice cream or sandwich
and Little Pig’s Barbecue
Pasquele’s pizza

aunt ida sold clothes
miss australia would help you
truly won the crown

the only bad part
going to get cigarettes
for my godmother

i am probably
the only person who bought
cigarettes at eight

and did not smoke them
the man knew who they were for
still should not allow

of course my aunt died
the day before my wedding
cigarettes, cancer

a good day for smoke
blowing straight up to the sky
hamburgers , hot dogs

`

bikini soleil haiku

`
he blows up a float
the driver thinks his golf cart
is having problems

there’s air at the pool
just like a filling station
you don’t have to blow

drive slow see city
drive fast you will see our jail
fifty five the law

it’s bikini time
don’t forget the solarcaine
if they still make this

coppertone puppy
not flying high in the sky
attached to airplane

Lee’s Inlet Kitchen
airplanes pulling coppertone
the duck has landed

quietly in pool
swimming laps made me forget
immemorial

The Gay Dolphin store
things that have never changed
seventy years Lee

mullet jumping high
their way of giving high fives
possibly finger

foot long hot dog stand
wondering if Lum’s would sell
tofu long hot dogs

duck has had enough
he flew to the pool next door
wanted a high ball

Let’s do the twist Duck
oh ,you want a twist of lime
my mistake Ducky

`

who do you think you are talking to haiku

`
duck says YOU get out
lady yelling at mallard
get out of the pool

she was going home
why did your noodle splash down
learn to share with duck

raspberries , perfume
two o’ clock and thirty feet
gentleman with oil

hair color for men
how does the dye know that you
are not a woman

sitting on pool steps
chewing chocolate candy
alliterating

vapors from his pipe
bongo bong break all the rules
they do as they please

`

admiration for dr. kevorkian

`
shot of cortisone
in the sacroiliac
instability

a few weeks ago
i looked up dr. kevorkian
to see if he is still in prison
unfortunately he died
i don’t really know anything about his cases
but i think he helped people
no one has the right to make people live
when they are in physical unbearable pain
no chance of getting better
it’s very cruel
people who have no idea made the laws
i feel like i am going to choke to death
coughing like the first five and a half years again
from the toxic black molds
for about three weeks
every time i stand up & walk a few steps
i have a coughing asthma attack
every time i start to eat
i can’t quit coughing and choking
every time i move
having at least eight asthma attacks a day
and i can’t figure out why
and thanks to the government
who made the makers of MAXAIR
stop making because of CFC’s
chloroflurocarbons or something
inside my mouth not destroyng the planet
i’m using expired MAXAIR
because i’m allergic to everything else
i had reactions to over twenty years
i don’t know what exactly
because of the movers
except albuterol
so i was choking and the doctor
gave me a steroid shot
even though my internist gave me pills
that didn’t help
when i first got sick from mold
& no one knew what i had
and they gave me breathing treatments monday
albuterol
and i felt like i was hyperventilating
dizzy sitting down
and my legs would not stand
and back felt better
but they said that’s albuterol
i would have taken anything
because i am scared to die
and i keep choking from coughing
so violent a cough
chiropractor says it will break his fingers
child asks if you have sars
people were afraid of me
of course
at the doctor
but then i had two more attacks
at the pharmacy
right after the albuterol
so i don’t think it helped
doubled singulair and claritan
flovent
nexium
anything i can think of
nothing helps
they gave me a new inhaler
only has a little albuterol
said that’s all they can find
becaause of allergies
allergies caused by toxic molds
i have to sit very still
let food get cold
until you get over walking from the kitchen
and still get choked
used to be only from water
and now it’s food
have seven diseases
there is no cure
you go outside to get salt air
and idiots blow smoke into your lungs
my bones have started feeling like they will break
three pillows under each arm
since 2004
it’s much worse
like i’m 100
not fibromyalgia
is it from lyme
mercury
nexium
or leaky gut
doctor could think of a few things
they didn’t upset me & tell me

`